"Sending the wrong message"

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Wed, Sep 18 2019, 5:49 pm

This is a phrase I hear a lot regarding when parents and schools arent on the same page. My oldest girl starting kindergarten this year and she has a uniform but no other rules regarding socks, sweaters etc. Her uniform is long sleeves with no short sleeve options and her jumper comes till her knee. I feel its a bit intense to keep this guidelines outside of school for a 4 year old but im not looking to send the wrong message to my DD. Any sound advice from the seasoned moms out there?

Ruchel

Wed, Sep 18 2019, 5:52 pm

Do what the majoritydoes

FranticFrummie

Wed, Sep 18 2019, 5:54 pm

If DD does not complain about long sleeves and skirts outside of school, then stick with it. By staying consistent, you are doing her a huge favor. Letting her change into leggings and short sleeves when she gets home will only make it harder on her as she gets older.

BTDT. I wish I hadn't given in when DD said she didn't want to wear long sleeves and skirts after school. It caused a lot of fights and power struggles later on.

amother

Wed, Sep 18 2019, 6:06 pm

DD doesnt have an opinion yet about Sunday clothes. Its still hot where we are so she just pulls a summer dress out of her closet and puts it on.... her summer dresses are short and either sleevless or short sleeves. She doesnt wear leggings anymore ..

amother

Puce

Wed, Sep 18 2019, 6:10 pm

I don't understand the problem. She's wearing a uniform in school, and regular clothing out of school. There's no reason to make her regular clothing fit the guidelines of the uniform if the school doesn't expect it. Trust me, a kindergarten kid is not getting mixed messages in being told she can wear short sleeves on Sunday when her uniform has long sleeves.

precious

Wed, Sep 18 2019, 6:12 pm

Is she looking at the uniform as "now I must be tznius"?

No need to point out the difference to her that it's long sleeves but she could wear short sleeves at home.

Why can't it be: "The uniform is for school (happens to be long sleeves), and at home we can still wear summer clothes."?

mha3484

Wed, Sep 18 2019, 6:19 pm

I think mixed messages applies more to a parent who has a negative attitude towards the school rules or dresses or behaves drastically differently then what the school espouses. Then a kid could say to them self well my parents do x but morah or rebbe says y and which one do I do.

I think when it comes to clothing outside of school if there are no school rules, trust your instincts about what is appropriate.

southernbubby

Wed, Sep 18 2019, 7:52 pm

While a lot of kehillos put full tznius on 3 year old girls, 4 year old girls don't realize yet what tznius really means and as long as it's in the ballpark, it's not a mixed message.

amother

Plum

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 5:03 am

My almost 4yo is fully aware of the difference. We've had discussions of why she can't wear trousers and short sleeves, which dd2 does. Once we've discussed it, she's been fine with the idea for the most part. But she doesn't have a uniform to compare to, it's just her clothes.
I think it can be confusing if your child is aware, and yes I think there would be conflicting messages. But that's only if your child realizes. Some children may just accept uniform is what it is, without dwelling on short versus long sleeves etc.

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