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Forgot to light candles
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 4:15 pm
Was away for a shabbos, got flustered with kids right before lighting and I remembered too late to light. I usually light 10 mins early so this really upset me and I really dont want to have to light another candle! Anyone know if theres anything else I can do ?!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 4:18 pm
That happened to me once. I was told I have to light an extra candle from now on. Every time I see that candle it reminds me to be very careful about times!

Now I set the alarm on my phone to go off 10 minutes before I need to light, so I can get last minute things done and not have to panic.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 4:19 pm
Ask your rav. I light an additional candle for many years because one Shabbos my DH made early Shabbos and I had female company. We got carried away in conversation and my husband walked in and asked “what happened to the lecht?” And I said what, it’s Shabbos? We totally didn’t notice the time pass. It was horrible. I felt awful. And that extra candle I light has always been a reminder that I forgot. I’m sorry this happened to you.
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polka dots




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 4:22 pm
That’s really hard. I always have this fear. I don’t have any suggestion besides for talking to your rav.

My workmate, who I admire greatly, is the most organized and calm person. Whenever my frazzled brain needs to remember a date or something I ask her. What made me look up to her so much more is this story. She told me that she forgot to light candles one week. Her rav told her to light another candle. And every week as she does that she reminds herself to be humble. She remembers that she is human and can forget and that everything we do is because Hashem gave us the thought and the koach to do it. She really inspired me
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ra_mom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 4:24 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Was away for a shabbos, got flustered with kids right before lighting and I remembered too late to light. I usually light 10 mins early so this really upset me and I really dont want to have to light another candle! Anyone know if theres anything else I can do ?!

Ask a rav. Today many say you don't have to light another candle going forward.
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Cmon be nice




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 4:26 pm
ra_mom wrote:
Ask a rav. Today many say you don't have to light another candle going forward.

though I think thats only if she turned on another light before shabos- let her ask her rov!
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 4:26 pm
AYLOR. Its a minhag, albeit a strong one, and some hold that turning on the lights in your house will suffice as lighting.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 4:33 pm
ask- for busha they may tell you not to add but to learn and teach the topic
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amother




Aqua


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 5:01 pm
I forgot once and dh asked Rav and he said I should add. I did it for weeks and weeks and then I stopped. It was too embarrassing when I went away, I was only lighting 3 for dh and baby, and now I'm always asking for another one at mother or mil... I quit one week without asking
Unrelated side point, the next pregnancy was a miscarriage.
But now bh I am lighting 4. And still don't want to light an extra.
There is no point to this story. I'm just sharing my experience.
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amother




Lime


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 5:07 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Was away for a shabbos, got flustered with kids right before lighting and I remembered too late to light. I usually light 10 mins early so this really upset me and I really dont want to have to light another candle! Anyone know if theres anything else I can do ?!


Why would you ask anyone other than a rabbi?
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amother




Lime


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 5:08 pm
amother [ Aqua ] wrote:
I forgot once and dh asked Rav and he said I should add. I did it for weeks and weeks and then I stopped. It was too embarrassing when I went away, I was only lighting 3 for dh and baby, and now I'm always asking for another one at mother or mil... I quit one week without asking
Unrelated side point, the next pregnancy was a miscarriage.
But now bh I am lighting 4. And still don't want to light an extra.
There is no point to this story. I'm just sharing my experience.


And your dh is ok with you not listening to the rabbi?
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 5:17 pm
I had a situation where I forgot and Rav said I should donate candles . In the UK we have a charity that gives out food parcels so I donated packets of candles to them which they were very happy to receive.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 5:24 pm
amother [ Aqua ] wrote:
I forgot once and dh asked Rav and he said I should add. I did it for weeks and weeks and then I stopped. It was too embarrassing when I went away, I was only lighting 3 for dh and baby, and now I'm always asking for another one at mother or mil... I quit one week without asking
Unrelated side point, the next pregnancy was a miscarriage.
But now bh I am lighting 4. And still don't want to light an extra.
There is no point to this story. I'm just sharing my experience.

When I go away I don’t light more than two. So lighting an extra candle never came up when I go away. I did have guests ask me when coming to my house. I don’t think there’s anything to be ashamed of. I’m human. It can happen to anybody.
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Mayflower




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 5:35 pm
I forgot once, years ago.. Well, I didn't actually forget but I thought candle lighting time was half an hour later than it actually was, and only realised my mistake when it was too late.

My rav told me I don't need to add another light but can light bigger candles. So if I used 4hr candles before I should use 6h candles.
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amother




Aqua


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 6:15 pm
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
And your dh is ok with you not listening to the rabbi?


Didn't ask for his permission but we can go the other way too. Am I OK with dh sitting on my bed when I'm nidah or not being careful in general with harchakos? Actually I'm not and those things are written in shulchan aruch. Nu we all sin in our own ways.
I wasn't ashamed - I was feeling resentful.
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amother




Mustard


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 6:56 pm
This just happened to me. Rav said its a minhag so if embarrassed I can skip it ...
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delicious




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 9:33 pm
I was in my third trimester and had terrible cramps, to the point where I was rolling on the floor in pain.
My husband had gone to an early minyan as we were making early shabbos, and had not told me what time to light. Somehow it felt like yomtov, what with him going to shul and me not lighting right away.
And I was in retarded pain-I ran back and forth between the couch and bed and chair and could not breath from the pain (we figured out the next day that I was probably dehydrated).

All of a sudden I realized that it was way past shabbos zman! I was very sad as I am a very on-time person, and try to light five minutes early bl''n. I called a rov the next week and he told me to add. It's a very humbling experience, as it feels very silly to have forgotten to light shabbos licht. It reminds me I'm human.
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amother




Azure


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 10:00 pm
I was somewhere with other couples and everyone lit candles in their own room. We made early shabbos and I fell asleep. My husband answered several questions and the psak was that I don't have to light an extra candle.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 11:37 pm
Anyone else lights 3 additional candles? No, only me? Oh well...
Once I miscalculated shkiyah, once I fell asleep, and once another time can't remember the reason.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 6:23 am
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
And your dh is ok with you not listening to the rabbi?


Is he or she lighting?
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