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Person got upset, I don't think I did wrong

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 9:24 pm
if I said something to someone something neutral, such as "next time don't stand there," in a place where she shouldn't have been standing for example in the middle of a street, and I said it after I had to make a short stop when I saw her. She was upset that I didn't apologize for almost bumping into her, instead I gave her mussar . I felt that she was in the wrong place and had she not been there, I wouldn't have scared her like that. She's upset that I said "next time don't stand there" instead of apologizing. Do I need to ask mechilah?
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 9:27 pm
What would it hurt to apologize?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 9:40 pm
singleagain wrote:
What would it hurt to apologize?


If I am not halachically obligated I'd prefer not to, because I'm risking her giving me another yelling. If I'm obligated I will, because I do feel bad that she was upset, but if I'm not obligated I prefer not to.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 9:56 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
If I am not halachically obligated I'd prefer not to, because I'm risking her giving me another yelling. If I'm obligated I will, because I do feel bad that she was upset, but if I'm not obligated I prefer not to.


If you're looking for a halachic reason... Talk to a halachic authority.

And maybe if you apologize and explain you didn't think she would be offended, maybe she won't yell... Maybe she'll glad you apologized.

But also... Maybe don't apologize for yourself... Like a little kid behind told "say sorry" bc no one really means that.

Edited for typo


Last edited by singleagain on Thu, Sep 19 2019, 10:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Jade
 

Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 9:58 pm
I was in the ice cream store with my 4 year old daughter this past week and a boy about the same age maybe a bit older walked over to her and literally out of the blue started hitting her. Idk if he had special needs but he looked like a regular wild out of control type. I made eye contact with the mom and waited for her to do something and SHE DID NOTHING. I walked over to the boy and said to him "pls take your hands off of her right now" and then shot the mom a dirty look. She just looked annoyed with me. As we walked away the boy flicked the back of her head and neck one last time just bec he couldn't just listen. Mom had zero reaction to his behavior. Some people make you not want to leave your house
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Thu, Sep 19 2019, 10:40 pm
Even if she's in the wrong place, you did bump into her. So say that you are sorry. We're talking about politeness here, not about assuming legal responsibility. If she gives you a hard time, there's something off about her. So what? Especially at this time of year, exercising your apology muscles is a good idea.
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polka dots




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 12:56 am
It’s definitely a question to ask a rav.

If you do apologize out of your own will it might be easier to apologize for scaring her. Instead of saying “ I’m so sorry for xyz, I really should’ve been more careful...” try “ I’m sorry that you got scared and I caused that, so I apologize “
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 2:00 am
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
I was in the ice cream store with my 4 year old daughter this past week and a boy about the same age maybe a bit older walked over to her and literally out of the blue started hitting her. Idk if he had special needs but he looked like a regular wild out of control type. I made eye contact with the mom and waited for her to do something and SHE DID NOTHING. I walked over to the boy and said to him "pls take your hands off of her right now" and then shot the mom a dirty look. She just looked annoyed with me. As we walked away the boy flicked the back of her head and neck one last time just bec he couldn't just listen. Mom had zero reaction to his behavior. Some people make you not want to leave your house

Reminds me of what I had in the park this week. Dd4 came to me crying hysterically that 2 boys are running after her, wanna hit her. I hugged her, and this little 4 yr old guy smacks her. I was shocked! Asked where his mom was, but kid just smirked, I mean, why would an Israeli 4yr old need his mother to take him to the park? Confused
I just told him that if he hits her again I'll hit him!
I wouldn't have actually touched him, I would just have gone home with her.
Don't know if I did right, but they walked away, any tips on how to deal with fearless Israeli boys?
I'll start my spin off if it derails the thread
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Iymnok




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:15 am
It’s almost never wrong to apologize. First apologize, then work out the details.
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