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Is this appropriate?
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amother




Indigo


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 2:25 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
OP here. It felt a little jarring since this person was asking for my assistance, in my professional capacity, for help with a relative of hers. Her message said, This is Dr. Smith. Please cal me back.
And my first thought was. I don't remember being a patient of anyone named Dr. Smith, and why is she calling me at work??

For those mentioning how you address someone on invitations, I think there's a difference between wishing to give someone else an honorary title and someone giving it to himself.


Could be anything. She may be one of those people who thinks that since she is a doctor she is important - and more deserving of your help than, say, Sarah Cohen... so she used the title.

Could also be she was just sitting at her desk calling a bunch of patients and was just in that mode of talking when she called you.

She also might have thought that you knew who she was, perhaps her relative told you about her - and thought she was introduced 'as Dr. Smith'.
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amother




Scarlet


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 2:45 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
OP here. It felt a little jarring since this person was asking for my assistance, in my professional capacity, for help with a relative of hers. Her message said, This is Dr. Smith. Please cal me back.
And my first thought was. I don't remember being a patient of anyone named Dr. Smith, and why is she calling me at work??

For those mentioning how you address someone on invitations, I think there's a difference between wishing to give someone else an honorary title and someone giving it to himself.


I hear why it was jarring to you. Perhaps a sensitive person would realize that it could jar someone else and avoid the title for that reason. I still don't think she did anything inappropriate.
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chmom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 2:56 pm
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
Could be anything. She may be one of those people who thinks that since she is a doctor she is important - and more deserving of your help than, say, Sarah Cohen... so she used the title.

Could also be she was just sitting at her desk calling a bunch of patients and was just in that mode of talking when she called you.

She also might have thought that you knew who she was, perhaps her relative told you about her - and thought she was introduced 'as Dr. Smith'.


I second this, especially if she had been making phone calls from the office
I have accidentally done this a few times
Can't Believe It
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amother




Ivory


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:03 pm
My husband is a dr and he does not introduce himself as dr . Xyz. He introduces himself by his full name. He especially does not call himself dr when speaking to a teacher or a rebbi . He is calling as a parent not as the teacher/rabbis dr .
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amother




Coffee


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:04 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
OP here. It felt a little jarring since this person was asking for my assistance, in my professional capacity, for help with a relative of hers. Her message said, This is Dr. Smith. Please cal me back.
And my first thought was. I don't remember being a patient of anyone named Dr. Smith, and why is she calling me at work??

For those mentioning how you address someone on invitations, I think there's a difference between wishing to give someone else an honorary title and someone giving it to himself.


Wait. If she was speaking to you on a professional basis and not a social one then of course it's completely normal to use her title. It's not like she introduced herself as Doctor at a kiddush.

Amother for continuity.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:14 pm
amother [ Coffee ] wrote:
Wait. If she was speaking to you on a professional basis and not a social one then of course it's completely normal to use her title. It's not like she introduced herself as Doctor at a kiddush.

Amother for continuity.


But professional for me, not for her. I'm changing the facts but this would be a similar situation. I'm an attorney representing a woman, Sara, who's going through a bitter divorce. I get a call at work, This is Dr. Cohen. Please call me back right away.
I return the call and it's Sara's mother, wanting to know if there's anything more to be done to assist her daughter.

So, nothing at all relevant to the fact that she happens to be a doctor. It was confusing, because I assumed from the message that it was one of my personal doctors.

Oh, and she's actually a retired doctor.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:17 pm
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
My husband is a dr and he does not introduce himself as dr . Xyz. He introduces himself by his full name. He especially does not call himself dr when speaking to a teacher or a rebbi . He is calling as a parent not as the teacher/rabbis dr .


I think that's very mentschlich
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amother




Indigo


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:25 pm
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
My husband is a dr and he does not introduce himself as dr . Xyz. He introduces himself by his full name. He especially does not call himself dr when speaking to a teacher or a rebbi . He is calling as a parent not as the teacher/rabbis dr .


I hear that.

I'm interested to hear from women who are medical doctors or Phd holders who live in communities where women are typically addressed as "Mrs." when they are married.

Are there woman who go by "Mrs." in social setting (as above) and Dr. in professional settings?
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amother




Indigo


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:28 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But professional for me, not for her. I'm changing the facts but this would be a similar situation. I'm an attorney representing a woman, Sara, who's going through a bitter divorce. I get a call at work, This is Dr. Cohen. Please call me back right away.
I return the call and it's Sara's mother, wanting to know if there's anything more to be done to assist her daughter.

So, nothing at all relevant to the fact that she happens to be a doctor. It was confusing, because I assumed from the message that it was one of my personal doctors.

Oh, and she's actually a retired doctor.


I think the main issue with the message that you got was it was incomplete. "Hi this is Dr. Cohen, I'd like to talk to you about XYZ help for my sister. Please call me back when you have a moment".

Its not inappropriate - odd - but not inappropriate.
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amother




Violet


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:34 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But professional for me, not for her. I'm changing the facts but this would be a similar situation. I'm an attorney representing a woman, Sara, who's going through a bitter divorce. I get a call at work, This is Dr. Cohen. Please call me back right away.
I return the call and it's Sara's mother, wanting to know if there's anything more to be done to assist her daughter.

So, nothing at all relevant to the fact that she happens to be a doctor. It was confusing, because I assumed from the message that it was one of my personal doctors.

Oh, and she's actually a retired doctor.


She should have said, "This is Dr. Cohen, Sarah Schwartz's mother. I was calling to see if there's any more information I can provide to assist you in Sarah's case." Unless she anticipated that you would call her Beth. Then she should have said "Beth Cohen." And, of course, you would be "Lisa," not "Ms. Green."
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amother




Pearl


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:41 pm
There are (obviously) different opinions, and it varies depending on the situation and individual Doctor.

My mother is a Doctor – she has a PhD, but she rarely introduces herself that way. I think this is mostly because she doesn't want people to think that she is stuck up. Many people who have known her for years are shocked to learn that she is technically a Dr.! I respect her for this, but also think it's a shame, because worked REALLY hard for this title, and because she doesn't commonly use it, people often assume that she doesn't know what she talking about even when it is HER SPECIALTY. She does sometimes bring it up in those situations, and rightfully so!

I don't see why people get warped about people introducing themselves as "Doctor". They worked FOR SO LONG for the degree! Of course, if everyone is going by first names, then it's weird. It just depends.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:45 pm
"Dr." is the equivalent of "Mrs." or "Mr." for doctors. It makes no sense for a doctor to use "Mr." or "Mrs.".
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amother




Indigo


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:48 pm
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:
"Dr." is the equivalent of "Mrs." or "Mr." for doctors. It makes no sense for a doctor to use "Mr." or "Mrs.".


I think if I was in a community a bit to the right of mine - I might use Dr. X for work (X being my last name from birth) and Mrs. Y socially. (Y being my husband's legal last name).
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amother




Forestgreen


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:51 pm
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
I hear that.

I'm interested to hear from women who are medical doctors or Phd holders who live in communities where women are typically addressed as "Mrs." when they are married.

Are there woman who go by "Mrs." in social setting (as above) and Dr. in professional settings?


I'm not a doctor. But I know several women who are medical doctors in my community who do this, and everyone I know who has a PhD does it. But it goes for many of the men as well, especially the professors. None of them are hiding anything- it's just not relevant to that part of their life. If they give a talk in the community about their field, they write "Dr."

This actually came up on my friend's wedding invitation. Her dad has a PhD but was going to just write "David and Sarah Klein", but her FIL put "Rabbi" because he has semicha, even though he doesn't have any related position so most people don't think of it that way. Her father saw that and decided to put "Dr."
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amother




Ginger


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:03 pm
I have a PhD. I don’t introduce myself socially as Dr because it feels pretentious. But professionally I am Dr. In cases where a title is used, I would only use Dr -not Mrs or Ms. But since I don’t advertise my title...I often get letters/invitations addressed to Mrs...

Before I got my PhD, I preferred Ms(if anyone asked). My marriage is not my identity.
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:13 pm
It’s completely appropriate though many people choose not to use their professional/academic titles socially. You should address a person the way she wishes to be addressed unless it’s something absurd like Your Royal Omnipotent Magnificence. (Even the Queen of England is addressed only as Your Majesty or Ma’am.) The phone company, after all, sends its bill to Rabbi or Dr. or Colonel X even though s/he isn’t the phone company’s spiritual leader, professor or commanding officer.

If you’re close friends you should be on a first-name basis but your children should use the title. I personally have greater respect for people who choose not to use their titles socially—using a title socially is a teeny bit boastful after all—but it’s not incorrect.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:25 pm
zaq wrote:
It’s completely appropriate though many people choose not to use their professional/academic titles socially. You should address a person the way she wishes to be addressed unless it’s something absurd like Your Royal Omnipotent Magnificence. (Even the Queen of England is addressed only as Your Majesty or Ma’am.) The phone company, after all, sends its bill to Rabbi or Dr. or Colonel X even though s/he isn’t the phone company’s spiritual leader, professor or commanding officer.

If you’re close friends you should be on a first-name basis but your children should use the title. I personally have greater respect for people who choose not to use their titles socially—using a title socially is a teeny bit boastful after all—but it’s not incorrect.


I think this is exactly it. I would always address someone by however they wish to be addressed, and always err on the side of according a more respectful title and let them tell me, Oh, please call me Ruth. But ya, I think there's that boastful element that comes across as slightly distasteful if the title is not relevant to the situation.
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amother




Wine


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:29 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
If you meet someone socially, and she happens to be a doctor, is it appropriate for her to introduce herself as Dr. Smith?

I work in a non-medical or health care field, nothing at all related to health care. Occasionally, a client's relative will contact me and introduce themselves as Dr. So and so.

Or let's say you're a teacher. Should a parent call you and say, This is Dr. Smith? When the reason for the phone call is about Dr. Smith's child who is in your class.

Imo, if the reason that this person is contacting me has nothing to do with the fact he or she is a doctor, then don't introduce yourself that way. Am I wrong?


Yes, that is their title even in social situations. What is it that bothers u about that?
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amother




Bisque


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:42 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But professional for me, not for her. I'm changing the facts but this would be a similar situation. I'm an attorney representing a woman, Sara, who's going through a bitter divorce. I get a call at work, This is Dr. Cohen. Please call me back right away.
I return the call and it's Sara's mother, wanting to know if there's anything more to be done to assist her daughter.

So, nothing at all relevant to the fact that she happens to be a doctor. It was confusing, because I assumed from the message that it was one of my personal doctors.

Oh, and she's actually a retired doctor.


In my opinion that’s weird that she referred to herself as Dr X. I recently started working at a different public school than I used to and I’m finding it really weird that the adults address each other and refer to themselves as Mr. and Ms. even where there are no kids around (like in emails or meetings etc.) I also thought it was weird when a mom of a student called me and introduced herself as Mrs. X.

I guess there are different demographics with different norms? Or maybe this Dr. is used to calling patients from before she retired so she just automatically referred to herself like that?
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amother




Ginger


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:43 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I think this is exactly it. I would always address someone by however they wish to be addressed, and always err on the side of according a more respectful title and let them tell me, Oh, please call me Ruth. But ya, I think there's that boastful element that comes across as slightly distasteful if the title is not relevant to the situation.


Would you feel the same if it was a Rabbi?
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