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Help my dd succeed with unhelpful teacher. ..how to respond
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:24 pm
My dd spaces out and misses some teachers instructions. She needs reminders to take things home for a test/hw... if a teacher tells her Monday that a test is Friday, she will forget on Thursday to bring home her study materials bec she was not reminded thursday to bring it home.

She is in 4th grade. I am helping her so that she can do better, but I'm not in school with her. When she told me she had a sci test to study for but didnt know where the materials were to study from ...I emailed the teacher.

I asked the teacher where the science materials are for studying bec my dd doesn't know. She answered me that they are in school in the textbook and gave no details to me (my dd doesn't know where the textbooks are) as obviously my dd didnt know. The teacher also told me I should read the booklet she gave out. My dd should be more responsible but since she is weak in that area, I'm trying to help her so that she can study and do well on the test


How do I respond to the email ? Reading the booklet doesn't tell me exactly where the textbooks are so I can tell my dd exactly where to get it.

I want to respond that I read the booklet but pls tell me where the textbooks are kept..but I don't want to be rude like her. I want to say I read the booklet but it doesn't answer my question.

How do I respond?

And, I feel like she won't help my child succeed. She could've just answered my question but she just criticized me by saying "read the booklet".
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Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:30 pm
1. Read the booklet first.

2. Explain that your daughter has processing issues which you are working on and you need better communication. Explain that you read the booklet and it doesn't communicate what you need to know.

3. Consider an evaluation.
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oneofakind




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:42 pm
Agree.
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mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 3:46 pm
I third. Does your daughter get any sort of resource room services? This is an excellent thing for them to help her with.

Also, my son is learning in 3rd grade to keep an assignment notebook. If your daughters teacher does not teach them you can get her a fun one from target and show her to write down that she has a test and to make a reminder to bring home the materials she needs.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:12 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I third. Does your daughter get any sort of resource room services? This is an excellent thing for them to help her with.

Also, my son is learning in 3rd grade to keep an assignment notebook. If your daughters teacher does not teach them you can get her a fun one from target and show her to write down that she has a test and to make a reminder to bring home the materials she needs.


My dd gets services. But, it is not magic. I have tried everything and your idea is great, but my dd is so weak"" in these areas. It is so hard to accept that she struggles so much, but this is the reality. I even told the teacher she gets extra time for tests and the teacher said "I don't do that"!

Eta: my dd has a planner but the teachers don't even give enough time for the "slower" kids to write everything down. And, I think she should've reminded everyone "pls go to ....and get your textbooks to take home to study for the test"....
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mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:14 pm
Wow. That is beyond the pale. I think you need to reach out the administration. A teacher can not say I dont do that. Is there a parallel class that is an option?
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:14 pm
Mix in the principle if needed
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:24 pm
Thanks everyone. This is yeshiva. Parents who are not rich have no say. I don't want to mix the principal in. And, they are usually not supportive. However, some of you may be gifted with words and can help me reply in a strict "I need you to be on board to help me help my dd succeed" way...but also not being rude. I also don't want to put my child down down bec if the teacher may blame my child for failing on "her issues" but if the teacher never answers my questions...surely she'll fail. .. and my child misses announcements when being with her service providers.

And, my dd is in the class with iep kids and "slower" kids so there is no other class.

Anyone can help with a strict email to get my point across ....right now I'm not arguing about her not giving more test time...I'll deal with that after the test..

Right now I need to respond such that she understands she needs to answer my questions about assignments or tests...so that my child won't fail or miss assignments. (Also, my dd misses things when pulled out, so teachers may forget that she didnt hear about a test or assignment...

Anyone know how to respond??
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mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:27 pm
If she is getting extra help in schoool why dont you have the resource room teacher reach out to the classroom teacher?

She can say I am helping sarala with her organizational skills can you let me know when tests are so that I can help her prepare her study materials? It might go over better then you calling/emailing.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:29 pm
mha3484 wrote:
If she is getting extra help in schoool why dont you have the resource room teacher reach out to the classroom teacher?

She can say I am helping sarala with her organizational skills can you let me know when tests are so that I can help her prepare her study materials? It might go over better then you calling/emailing.


This is a great idea. It's hard to get in touch with them, but I'll try.


.....meanwhile, I do want to be able to ask the teacher if there are questions about assignments or tests....

So I need help on how to respond to the email.
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amother




Green


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:29 pm
I teach 4th grade & have had students like your daughter & have helped them by checking with them at the end of every class whether their hmwk was written & if they have everything they need. With one extreme case I actually emailed a parent the hmwk & copies of all worksheets. (That kid could write her hmwk and put in her backpack & still misplace it...)

Your responsibility is to very clearly & politely call the teacher & explain your daughters issues & needs as specifically as possible.
It’s not clear if you did this & how. Tell her to check in with your daughter in the beginning & end of every class to see that she has everything she needs. Yes it’s a hassle for the teacher, but that’s her job -helping all her students succeed, and if done in a respectful, clear manner the teacher should try to help. If not you may need to involve the principal.

Sounds like you’re also doing a great job working with your daughter to gain the skills. Perhaps an incentive program can help motivate her further.
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:35 pm
I wouldnt email. Call and explain. What is in the booklet. Is the booklet a review? Maybe they don't need the science book. Ask the teacher if she can write the HW for your daughter or check that she wrote it down. My son is like this too. Often I call other parents in the class.
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amother




Blush


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:36 pm
This is the teacher of the weaker class?! And she's not prepared to help parents help their children with these kinds of struggles?
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:40 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote:
I teach 4th grade & have had students like your daughter & have helped them by checking with them at the end of every class whether their hmwk was written & if they have everything they need. With one extreme case I actually emailed a parent the hmwk & copies of all worksheets. (That kid could write her hmwk and put in her backpack & still misplace it...)

Your responsibility is to very clearly & politely call the teacher & explain your daughters issues & needs as specifically as possible.
It’s not clear if you did this & how. Tell her to check in with your daughter in the beginning & end of every class to see that she has everything she needs. Yes it’s a hassle for the teacher, but that’s her job -helping all her students succeed, and if done in a respectful, clear manner the teacher should try to help. If not you may need to involve the principal.

Sounds like you’re also doing a great job working with your daughter to gain the skills. Perhaps an incentive program can help motivate her further.


Thanks.

Can you tell me how to say this?

I did email her and said that my dd did not know where the material was so I'm asking.
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amother




Blush


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:43 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks.

Can you tell me how to say this?

I did email her and said that my dd did not know where the material was so I'm asking.


I'll leave it to the other poster to respond with exactly which words to use, but I do think a phone call is warranted at this point.
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amother




Green


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This is a great idea. It's hard to get in touch with them, but I'll try.


.....meanwhile, I do want to be able to ask the teacher if there are questions about assignments or tests....

So I need help on how to respond to the email.


Both your email & the teachers email are very vague. It’s very possible the teacher doesn’t realize the difficulties or extent of the difficulties your daughter has. Her response may have been self explanatory to other students (most know where textbooks are kept etc.) & she simply may not realize she needs to explain in much more detail for your daughter.

Her second response of ‘I don’t do that’ is a lot worse. But again -I’m not sure if the issues were properly expressed to her.

I’d write something like this:

Dear teacher,
Thank you for all you are doing for my daughter.

I don’t know if you are aware but my daughter has significant processing challenges. She is getting help both in and out of school, and in order for her to succeed in your class, there will need to be constant communication between us.

Can you please let me know about all important assignments, tests, and all info about them (which material to study, due date etc.)?

In addition, can you take a moment at the end of every class to tell my daughter any announcements she missed while out of class, and remind her /help her make sure she has whatever materials she needs?

Hopefully together we can help my daughter succeed.
Wishing you a wonderful year,
Sincerely, ————

*If you haven’t yet spoken in detail to the teacher, I’d suggest adding:
It would be very beneficial for us to speak so I can best understand your expectations of my daughter, and you can best understand my daughters strengths, and challenges. When is a convenient time for you to speak?
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amother




Indigo


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:50 pm
Find the girls in her class with high executive functioning and call them for HW and updates. Find 5 girls to call, to "spread the love." Maybe get her a HW chevrusa. Get a HS student to do HW- I've gotten very drained very fast with these types of kids.

Pick up your daughter from school as necessary and go into the class to help her find the stuff / neaten her desk.

I have paid assistant teachers to "tutor" kids and keep in touch with the teacher for the material and tests. They also do hw and help study. 2x a week, sometimes home, sometimes at school.

I have gotten evaluations with licensed psychologists and used them to help intervene for dc in school, with teachers and admin. They disclosed only what I consented to. This is different from a school evaluation, which the school district owns.

Contact the school ask to borrow a copy of every textbook that year. I rent them, some need a deposit. I return them at end of the year. Some years I have bought an extra copy of workbooks.

Use the class WhatsApp chat to get the material if you have one and wont get in trouble for it. The hanhala has spies in some schools, beware.

Find a way to compliment the teacher in all things. Such as:

You are such an excellent teacher, with so much to teach. I know 4th grade is a big jump and I want my daughter to be successful. How can I be supportive of your work while building dd's independence at the level she is now? Can we be I touch every week so you can update me on tests, etc.?

My daughter looks up to you so much. She takes it all to heart. At the dinner table, she said this about what she learned from you.
Any good word from you makes dhs day. She takes any correction to heart and only wants to please you. It hurts her so much when she can't. Harsh words destroy her.

Some of this costs money, most costs your time and effort.
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sub




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:54 pm
Call the secretary and ask for a second set of books to have at home. Also ask the teacher for any booklets and answer keys for the booklets.
Yes your dd needs to learn organizational skills, but some children need more time and guidance. And if she is in a P3 class, this should be part of the curriculum. Teacher should be teaching her skills and working with you on implementing them.
Definitely speak to the teacher. If that doesn’t help, speak to the P3 supervisor in your school.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 6:19 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote:
Both your email & the teachers email are very vague. It’s very possible the teacher doesn’t realize the difficulties or extent of the difficulties your daughter has. Her response may have been self explanatory to other students (most know where textbooks are kept etc.) & she simply may not realize she needs to explain in much more detail for your daughter.

Her second response of ‘I don’t do that’ is a lot worse. But again -I’m not sure if the issues were properly expressed to her.

I’d write something like this:

Dear teacher,
Thank you for all you are doing for my daughter.

I don’t know if you are aware but my daughter has significant processing challenges. She is getting help both in and out of school, and in order for her to succeed in your class, there will need to be constant communication between us.

Can you please let me know about all important assignments, tests, and all info about them (which material to study, due date etc.)?

In addition, can you take a moment at the end of every class to tell my daughter any announcements she missed while out of class, and remind her /help her make sure she has whatever materials she needs?

Hopefully together we can help my daughter succeed.
Wishing you a wonderful year,
Sincerely, ————

*If you haven’t yet spoken in detail to the teacher, I’d suggest adding:
It would be very beneficial for us to speak so I can best understand your expectations of my daughter, and you can best understand my daughters strengths, and challenges. When is a convenient time for you to speak?


Thanks
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 6:25 pm
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
Find the girls in her class with high executive functioning and call them for HW and updates. Find 5 girls to call, to "spread the love." Maybe get her a HW chevrusa. Get a HS student to do HW- I've gotten very drained very fast with these types of kids.

Pick up your daughter from school as necessary and go into the class to help her find the stuff / neaten her desk.

I have paid assistant teachers to "tutor" kids and keep in touch with the teacher for the material and tests. They also do hw and help study. 2x a week, sometimes home, sometimes at school.

I have gotten evaluations with licensed psychologists and used them to help intervene for dc in school, with teachers and admin. They disclosed only what I consented to. This is different from a school evaluation, which the school district owns.

Contact the school ask to borrow a copy of every textbook that year. I rent them, some need a deposit. I return them at end of the year. Some years I have bought an extra copy of workbooks.

Use the class WhatsApp chat to get the material if you have one and wont get in trouble for it. The hanhala has spies in some schools, beware.

Find a way to compliment the teacher in all things. Such as:

You are such an excellent teacher, with so much to teach. I know 4th grade is a big jump and I want my daughter to be successful. How can I be supportive of your work while building dd's independence at the level she is now? Can we be I touch every week so you can update me on tests, etc.?

My daughter looks up to you so much. She takes it all to heart. At the dinner table, she said this about what she learned from you.
Any good word from you makes dhs day. She takes any correction to heart and only wants to please you. It hurts her so much when she can't. Harsh words destroy her.

Some of this costs money, most costs your time and effort.


This is great. Like you said most of this is time which I don't have bec I work long hrs and my spouse is just like my dd so it's not any help for him to go in.

But, I love the way you wrote the end of the post and will incorporate some of it together
With the other posters.
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