Working full time and hosting-how?

amother

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 12:36 am

I have not even thought about meals yet this year. For some reason, this year, I'm really exhausted. I haven't even invited anyone for meals for RH. Tell me it's okay not to have anyone for RH this year aside from immediate family.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 12:38 am

Same here. Just being my husband and kids. I won’t function if I have to invite people this year. Got to know my limits

amother

Indigo

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 12:41 am

Of course!
We rarely have company on Rosh Hashana. Why?
1. it's a solemn kind of day, not really appropriate for socializing, and
2. shul ends so late that a long meal afterwards is just too much.

If you want company, there's always Sukkos.

amother

Denim

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 12:44 am

RH is when I specifically don't have company.
Company detracts from my davening. It delays my getting to Shul and stresses me out when Shul is not ending and the food needs to be heated.

Why would you feel any sense of obligation to invite. Obviously you were not invited either so just enjoy the chag with your family.

amother

Plum

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 6:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I FORBID YOU TO INVITE GUESTS!! Smile

There, doesn’t that feel better?
I happen to feel the exact same way this year
Totally depleted

amother

Khaki

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 7:05 am

WHy it this even a question? Of course you don’t have to host. There’s no mitzvah that you have to host: why are you spending an iota of energy in this?

33055

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 7:07 am

Yontiff is coming, and I am not engaging. I am watching the prep all around me, and somehow it's not touching me either. It's like walking into Walmart and seeing Halloween stuff. I know it's out there. I am another one without a menu. It always comes together anyway.

Don't host when you are not up for it. Take care of yourself. It's a long Shabbos / yontiff cycle.

southernbubby

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 7:48 am

DD and her husband are open home types, meaning that they prepare more than the family will eat but they don't invite specific people. The yeshiva bocher nephews and cousins who are learning in Crown Heights all wander in and out and are happy to eat whatever is on the table and DD and my son-in-law are happy to see them. They don't stress out about guests because these nephews and cousins are low maintenance.

SisterSix

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 8:47 am

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

There’s no mitzvah that you have to host

Well, now, there is quite literally a mitzvah to host. But the rest of it I agree with, just don’t this year.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 8:53 am

SisterSix wrote:

Well, now, there is quite literally a mitzvah to host. But the rest of it I agree with, just don’t this year.

There's hosting and there's hosting. Social get togethers with friends are nice, but not a mitzvah. Haschnasat orchim means having a place at your table for someone who otherwise wouldn't have a meal.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 9:19 am

SisterSix wrote:

Well, now, there is quite literally a mitzvah to host. But the rest of it I agree with, just don’t this year.

Having friends over (which is what I assumed OP meant) is not hachosas orchim. The mitzvah is having guests who need a meal or a home. If OP said she was contacted to host a friend/neighbor/etc who needs a place to spend YT I wouldn’t have responded that way. As I learned it hachnksas orchim isn’t not having friends over for a good time

Raisin

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 9:26 am

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

I think hosting the OP and her family would be hachnosos orchim. Smile

Or a family who doesn't have extended family around etc.

I would love to host you but I doubt you live where I live.

amother

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 9:39 am

Raisin wrote:

I think hosting the OP and her family would be hachnosos orchim. Smile

Or a family who doesn't have extended family around etc.

I would love to host you but I doubt you live where I live.

Thank you!

Would be so nice to not have the pressure to host. I should host more, in the spirit of hacnhosos orchim, but I'm often too drained to. And we do not have any extended families around us (we're converts so...).

southernbubby

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 10:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The trick is to invite those who would appreciate the most simple menu and who don't put emotional demands on the host. Open house hosting means that those who need a place to eat know where to go but don't have big expectations. Some communities have lots of singles who are looking for a place to eat and don't mind if it isn't the most exciting food.

You certainly should not feel obligated to host someone who has a family to feed and can do it on their own.

amother

Wine

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 10:14 am

No clue how I'm even going to have y"t ready for my own family let alone guests. Meals, cooking, shopping, clothing for everyone yikes

Ema of 5

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 10:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Of course it’s ok, why wouldn’t it be ok? We out way too much pressure on ourselves to do it all, and feel like failures when we don’t, even though we really aren’t.

southernbubby

Sun, Sep 22 2019, 10:21 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

No clue how I'm even going to have y"t ready for my own family let alone guests. Meals, cooking, shopping, clothing for everyone yikes

That's why people make lots of kugel. It's cheap, filling, not hard to make, and can be put in the freezer.
If your kids are little, don't make any thing that requires a lot of potchke.
If your DH has his heart set on something, he has to spend some time helping.