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Do any of your children remind you of your parents?

 
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 11:06 am
DS does. He's going to be a big, strong man, and while it's not fair to say, his face reminds me of my dad, whom I don't like, and I really struggle with being nice to him when he stresses me out, because his face is so similar. It took me forever just to admit to myself that that's whom he reminds me of - now I just need to divide the two in my head.

Whom do you see in your kids?
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Laiya




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 11:14 am
OP, it's great that you're able to acknowledge this, and I'm sorry for your rough experiences. Please consider getting outside help, whether a parenting mentor, therapy, whatever is necessary to help you get rid of your bias completely, or it can cause serious damage.
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amother




Vermilion


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 12:15 pm
My son reminds me of my ex. Surprisingly doesn't bother me.
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amother




Mustard


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 12:19 pm
My son is very much like my father who was born in a d.p. camp.
BH his childhood with hashms help will be less traumatic.

I have the attitude that children are neshomas that are meant to be born in their specific environment with their specific tafkid, struggles, bodies, temperament. This helps me try to do the right thing by them even if it is not my speed.
It also keeps me from being too controlling as a mother.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:01 pm
Do NOT BRAINWASH yourself into this.
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:37 pm
Ruchel wrote:
Do NOT BRAINWASH yourself into this.


Come again?

I know they're different people. I know that my comparing the two is not fair.

But when he's pushing my buttons, I know I'm less kind to him than to my other kids. I think it's because he reminds me of my father. It's instinctual, and based on literally nothing more than his looks, but that's my trigger response. It's something totally new for me, and I need to fix it now.

So I came here, asking if anyone else sees their parents in their kids, and how that plays out. That's it.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:47 pm
I don't know about come again (?). Just do NOT allow yourself to compare
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amother




Linen


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 3:41 pm
My dd actually looks very similar to my fil, whom I'm not very fond of. But her personality is so different from his it doesn't bother me at all.
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amother




Teal


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 4:01 pm
My dd is like my mother in many many respects. Some if these qualities are endearing in both and others are very challenging. I try hard to remember that my role in my child's life is very different than in my mother's. I think this is Hashem's clear message to me that I need to work on certain things in myself - easier said than done
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 4:02 pm
yes they do. each one looks like a different parent or inlaw. very much so. especially if we look at parents' or ilaws' photos as children.

one child looks very much like my father, who I had a very difficult relationship with. surprisingly through my love for this child my feelings towards my father have improved so much. I would have NEVER expected this.

another child is very much like me. and 'surprise surprise' its hard for me to tolerate his mistakes, because they remind me of MY OWN mistakes. so yes I definitely have to reflect on these things and make sure to see each child as an individual and NOT as a copy Wink

I really work hard on this and concentrate on WHAT I really like/dislike about a childs behabour BEFORE I react to it.

my mother is quite dominant and so is our toddler daughter who looks like a copy of my mother. friends joke to me all the tim: "hey now you get tyrannized a generation above and below." haha very funny.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Sun, Sep 22 2019, 4:05 pm
Kids, no. Grandchildren, yes.
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