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Middle child suffering...anyone have ideas for me?

 
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 10:48 pm
Sorry this is a bit long - but I want you get the full picture.
My 6 yr old son is showing real sandwich child blues.
His 10 yr old brother is charismatic, popular, smart and leader
His 8 yr old brother is brilliant, always has a sharp line to say..bookworm that knows tons.
His 3 yr old sister is an adorable beauty who's siblings are at her beck and call..cutest thing ever
His baby sister is cutie pie smiley and friendly
Now this son happens to be very smart, pleasant and easygoing, can be very helpful - people pleaser etc. now since he's not reading this - he IS SOO ANNOYING!! HE DRIVES OUR WHOLE FAMILY NUTS.
(ex: shakes the chair your sitting on. spills and breaks stuff. follows me around everywhere. screams. locks ppl out of rooms. touches everyone and their stuff)
you get the idea - he obviously is trying to find his place in our family..and is just seeking negative attention to get noticed.
I've tried talking to all my kids about acting nicer to him as well as setting a good example. giving him special time with mommy, and trying to talk more positive to him than the reprimands that I have to keep saying to him
I need a real brainstorm - anyone have any?
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amother




Beige


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 11:01 pm
Sounds like my middle brother! He was so annoying for a few years until he formed his own identity.

Can you find him a niche in the family that hasn't been claimed? Maybe he can learn how to fix things or maybe he's artistic or maybe he's funny or loves to bake or really anything that can give him a positive role and garner praise.
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 11:02 pm
Stop giving attention for negativity. Clear consequences. Cut the drama. Some kids are attracted to the drama. Sounds like you are doing ok. Don't turn him into a problem case.
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amother




White


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 11:14 pm
I am that middle child. I was the most annoying human out there and I admit to it myself. My 2 older sisters were best friends under me was a very demanding special needs boy and I just never found my place. Just give him love. Love love. I bh turned out great(If I can say so myself 😊) but when I think back to those years as an adult I really see how the negative behavior came just from feeling out of place and trying to get my attention. Don’t make his “problems” into problems cuz then he’s just gonna look for more. Love laughter and helping him feel really good about himself is the key.
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amother




Linen


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:38 am
My middle child is the same age and is beyond annoying. There's nothing to do except love him. It's a stage and they outgrow it..
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 3:32 am
Stop labeling.
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Teomima




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 4:12 am
Keep him occupied. Sign him up for extracurriculars, find out what hobbies he has and buy whatever supplies he needs so he can pursue his interests at home, find a private corner in the house that can be all his...he needs to find his place in your family,and sometimes a physical location can help that.
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toysrus




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 6:05 am
Sending them for extracurriculur lessons in an area he nite be good at could help
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ra_mom




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 8:56 am
Keep giving him positive attention. Touch his shoulder as you pass by. Hold his chin in your hands when he talks to you. Give him a hug. Peck his cheeks. Reach out to him every 15 minutes at first.
All he wants is attention. Give it to him positively. Ignore the negativity even if it continues at first. Give it to him without his prompting.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 9:02 am
ra_mom wrote:
Keep giving him positive attention. Touch his shoulder as you pass by. Hold his chin in your hands when he talks to you. Give him a hug. Peck his cheeks. Reach out to him every 15 minutes at first.
All he wants is attention. Give it to him positively. Ignore the negativity even if it continues at first. Give it to him without his prompting.


I so admire you, ra mom!
Your advice is so wise and spot on
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amother




Lemon


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 9:35 am
Oh my gosh. You described my family.
My oldest 2 are boys are 21 months apart and the best of friends (16 and 14). My next, also a boy, is 5 years younger (9). My youngest 2 are girls (6 and 2) who the boys answer every beck and sall.

All 3 boys are very bright, but as my oldest 2 are best friends and the youngest 2 girls my 9year old is really a middle child. There is also 5 years above with no kids and almost 4 below. But he was that mentality from day one before the girls were born.

And he can be very annoying and a major tease.

I'm at wits end when he's in the mood....When he's not, he is so much fun and bright and funny and great to have around. We don't do extra-curricular here, but felt he needed it. We signed him up for 2 last year and will probably do something this year too. I try to give him positive attention, but when he's in the "mood" I don't want to even be in the same room as him.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 7:49 pm
thanks for all the moral support, good to hear I'm not alone in this. sending him out for extra curricular won't fit in my schedule, any idea for in home extra curricular stuff I can set up in his own corner? Is there anything out there that takes very loooong to learn but will keep him interested in practicing over and over. $ not an issue - my sanity is worth it..he happens to love rubiks cubes but won't have patience for a huge puzzle.
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amother




Jade


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 8:08 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Sorry this is a bit long - but I want you get the full picture.
My 6 yr old son is showing real sandwich child blues.
His 10 yr old brother is charismatic, popular, smart and leader
His 8 yr old brother is brilliant, always has a sharp line to say..bookworm that knows tons.
His 3 yr old sister is an adorable beauty who's siblings are at her beck and call..cutest thing ever
His baby sister is cutie pie smiley and friendly
Now this son happens to be very smart, pleasant and easygoing, can be very helpful - people pleaser etc. now since he's not reading this - he IS SOO ANNOYING!! HE DRIVES OUR WHOLE FAMILY NUTS.
(ex: shakes the chair your sitting on. spills and breaks stuff. follows me around everywhere. screams. locks ppl out of rooms. touches everyone and their stuff)
you get the idea - he obviously is trying to find his place in our family..and is just seeking negative attention to get noticed.
I've tried talking to all my kids about acting nicer to him as well as setting a good example. giving him special time with mommy, and trying to talk more positive to him than the reprimands that I have to keep saying to him
I need a real brainstorm - anyone have any?


omg!!!! Sounds like my sandwich 8 year old recently... I am hoping its just a stage that he will grow out of...It is quite annoying...I try to just give him as much POSITIVE attention that I could... Hatzlacha!!
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trixx




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 8:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
thanks for all the moral support, good to hear I'm not alone in this. sending him out for extra curricular won't fit in my schedule, any idea for in home extra curricular stuff I can set up in his own corner? Is there anything out there that takes very loooong to learn but will keep him interested in practicing over and over. $ not an issue - my sanity is worth it..he happens to love rubiks cubes but won't have patience for a huge puzzle.


The kiwi Co subscription boxes? That might be really special for him. His sisters are too young, his brothers are too old (for his level, they make multiple) it can be something just for him, as long as they're not jealous
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:07 pm
Music/ art lessons at home? He doesn't need to be musical or artistic. Cartooning, wood working.
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redheaded




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 11:36 pm
Music lessons
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Mkay




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 2:56 am
For the beginning, until you see some improvement, I would overdo the love part. Smother him in it. Bunch of kisses at night with an "I love you from the top of my head to my tippy toes", extra hugs where you can.
That should really cut his neediness in its tracks.
Then you need a longer term plan - ongoing steady signs of love, a special art kit for sukkos, extra shopping time alone with you....
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amother




Pink


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 11:04 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Sorry this is a bit long - but I want you get the full picture.
My 6 yr old son is showing real sandwich child blues.
His 10 yr old brother is charismatic, popular, smart and leader
His 8 yr old brother is brilliant, always has a sharp line to say..bookworm that knows tons.
His 3 yr old sister is an adorable beauty who's siblings are at her beck and call..cutest thing ever
His baby sister is cutie pie smiley and friendly
Now this son happens to be very smart, pleasant and easygoing, can be very helpful - people pleaser etc. now since he's not reading this - he IS SOO ANNOYING!! HE DRIVES OUR WHOLE FAMILY NUTS.
(ex: shakes the chair your sitting on. spills and breaks stuff. follows me around everywhere. screams. locks ppl out of rooms. touches everyone and their stuff)
you get the idea - he obviously is trying to find his place in our family..and is just seeking negative attention to get noticed.
I've tried talking to all my kids about acting nicer to him as well as setting a good example. giving him special time with mommy, and trying to talk more positive to him than the reprimands that I have to keep saying to him
I need a real brainstorm - anyone have any?

Listen to him. Children know what they need, sometimes more than parents know.
He may have a hard time articulating it. What interests him. Even if it is weird, interesting and not your speed, do it for him.
My daughter was hyperactive, had absolute no interest in schoolwork, no interests in any hobbies. From fifth grad she just wanted to go ice skating (which is discouraged in her school) at every available moment.
She was as difficult and unpleasant as could be. Most parents would say she doesnt deserve it. But l listened to my gut and knew it would be therapeutic for her. It was kind of an obsession till it fizzled out by the time she was in ninth grade.
My other son, who was learning disabled and didnt chap that isru chag you were allowed to do muktza, loved racing cars. First I did kids n action and then Coney island. Every single long Friday. It was hard, hard, hard. Everyone would say their behavior didnt warrant it.
My kids by nature couldnt care less about consequences. (those mothers out there who have likeminded kids understand it)
But I listened to my gut. It was a way for them to cope with the stress of being in a class of peers and siblings that do not face such struggles. Give them what they crave, not what you think your kid will enjoy.
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amother




Teal


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 11:45 am
amother pink, you are very wise. your children are lucky!
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