My 3yo and his day at preschool - is this normal?

amother

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 11:52 pm

My 3 yo DS is my oldest, so I don't know if this is common/normal:

When I ask him who he played with at school (after school), he always tells me, "I didn't play with anyone, I played by myself."

One day another mom came when I did. I asked my son what that other boy's name was, and he said, "Garbage." (Yes, he's funny.)

I was worried, so I asked the Morah if he knows the other kids names, and she said, "Of course he does! He knows everyone's name!" and she told me he plays with the other kids all the time.

Other moms have told me that their kids talk about my son, but my son never, ever mentions the other children, especially not by name.

Is this normal behavior? I don't know why but I'm worried.

amother

Oak

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:21 am

My almost 4 year old answers that he never plays with anyone and always by himself when I ask him. I hope this isn't true! He claims not to know kids names but then will say random stuff about what one of them said or did.
I worked in a preschool and often parents would ask which kids their child plays with - especially when parents were knteret in setting up playdates- their children wouldn't answer who they played with at school. So seems to me pretty normal.
Of course there are kids who really do mostly play by themselves so it is possible.

amother

Lime

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 5:59 am

I think he’s speaking to how he’s feeling. He feels as if he plays by himself. He feels lonely sometimes. This is normal and common. I’d try to validate these feelings

amother

Natural

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 6:10 am

My daughter is just now after three weeks starting to say the names of the other kids to me. It takes a while for them to learn the names. And every time I ask her what she did by Morah, she says “I don’t know” in a sing song voice. She thinks it’s funny.
The Morah told me that she is one of the more socially adept kids there.

cholentfan1

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 6:44 am

completely normal. Mine does the same. Kids generally don't talk about their day much-it's usually at some other random point in the day, like you're trying to change the baby and suddenly they perk up with 'my teacher let us color on the floor outside. x got pink on her trousers and y colored on the wall and got shouted at.'
I find asking non direct questions often elicits better responses-or silly ones, like 'so after lunch you went to sleep, right?' little giggle and then I get an answer like 'no, that's silly, we did painting'

amother

Sienna

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 7:23 am

I think most of my kids were like that.
The day is one very big long thing for a kid and hard to break down.
I find specific questions easier for them
" Was moshe from your table in school today"
Did morah give crayons today" what colors
Did you have meat or dairy for lunch. which drink did they serve
Did you go to the playground. What does morah do when your in the playground

amother

Orange

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 7:42 am

Our son claimed he had no friends and we were worried. Dh waited around after dropping him off at school one day and saw that as soon as ds went into the playground, he happily ran off and started playing with the other kids. We’re not sure what he thought “having friends” meant but he was clearly getting along fine with his classmates.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 7:46 am

As a teacher of 2-3 year olds, this is nothing to be worried about. Kids this age often give very interesting and not terribly accurate answers! You should hear the things they tell US about what goes on at home:) Your child may be a little different (not telling you names,) but that doesn't mean there is something "wrong." We Morahs ARE always looking out for which ones are having trouble, so trust that his teachers will come to you if they have concerns. And do keep communicating with DS and his Morahs.

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 8:03 am

My 2.5-year-old DS's playgroup sent home a note saying something to the effect of, "If your child tells you s/he did nothing at playgroup, don't take it at face value." That made me laugh, since my DS comes home almost every day telling me, "I didn't play with anybody," while his Morah tells me that he plays with everyone and all the kids like him.

If the Morah is sending home a note, apparently she's had a lot of worried parents asking her the same question. Smile

cbg

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 8:11 am

Also boys don’t talk as much as girls
My girls was constant chatter
Play by play
The boys
“What did you do today”
“Notin”

Iymnok

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 8:15 am

DD is almost 4. I finally figured out that when she answers "I don’t know" it only means that she doesn’t know that girl's name.

dankbar

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 9:11 am

Parents are usually concerned if their preschool kids have friends. A usual question by PTA is: who is my child's friend?

Friends from younger years usually don't last & change.
More important is if they can integrate in a social setting, get along with other kids, know how to express themselves orally instead of physically.
His answers are normal. It's also still begining of year. Boys very often don't like to get bothered with detailed questions. Girls might come home & blabber about their day, most boys when asked How was your day? Good, What did you do? Nothing Who did you play with? Nobody. In other words, bug off & give me FOOD!
It's a very long day & they forget.

Talk to the teacher, be on look out if he is sitting at a corner withdrawn & not joining anything if there is a concern, but otherwise, he's normal & fine!

keym

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 9:30 am

I ask specific questions. Did you play cliks or Lego? Who else played Lego? What book did Morah read? Who sat next to you at lunch?
The answers spin off conversation and help me establish who else is there and what is happening.
Three year olds have weird definitions of friends, best friends and playing together.
Example my 3 yr old told me he didn't play with anyone yesterday because he had a blue marker and Eli had green so they weren't "playing together". Never mind they were both sitting at the table shmoozing while they were coloring.

NurseK

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:44 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Haha I want to hear!

#BestBubby

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:54 am

Hi, I'm a SEIT.

3 is a little young for "friends", especially for boys.

At this age kids parallel play - they may all be playing with Lego - and one kid will say
"I made car. Vroom" and another kid will say "I made a boat. zoom".

But they are not really playing together - but near each other, observing and sometimes commenting.

Perfectly normal for 3.

Main thing is your son is getting along (not fighting) with other kids and following teacher's directions.

It is a good idea to set up play dates. Any kids on the block his age?

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 2:49 pm

cbg wrote:

Also boys don’t talk as much as girls
My girls was constant chatter
Play by play
The boys
“What did you do today”
“Notin”

Not always true at all. My girls are very articulate but don't love to go over the details of their day. Pre-school age.

tweety1

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 9:26 pm

When I ask my preschool son what he did he said he ate lunch. That's all he did all day? Yep that's all he did. If I ask him if he played with cars clicks, or any other toy, or if they made arts n crafts, sing songs, none of it.