First grader having a hard time

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 3:51 pm

My first grader is having a hard time, which is understandable, but I'm at a loss of what to do for him. He's mainly struggling with the long day and having to work (not the work itself, he has no trouble completing the work, he just doesn't like doing it). This has manifested in sometimes being disruptive and silly in class. The teacher allows him to take breaks and stuff as needed, and it's been helping, though sometimes it's still not enough. And he's complaining that first grade is less fun than kindergarten (can't say he's wrong about that!)

Anyway, today he got into a fight with another kid at recess and actually bit him. Didn't break skin or anything, but what? He wasn't even a biter as a toddler! And while he got into a few physical fights with other kids last year, that was in the first half of the year, and then it stopped. I figured he outgrew it. I'm really freaking out here. There are no other changes in his life right now. I don't know what this could be. Am I going to have to get him therapy or medication? Is this going to be a whole thing now? School is meeting with us tomorrow, but I'm anxious about everything today.

amother

Cyan

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 5:51 pm

Is he getting movement breaks or just quiet breaks? It could well be that his body and mind can't handle minimal movement for such long stretches. Try to make sure he's being provided with regular breaks to seriously move- run laps around the gym, get a cold drink and then back to his seat.

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 5:57 pm

Yes he's getting movement breaks. He's allowed to walk up and down the hallway for a bit if he needs to, or even just around the room. I was thinking it was just a big adjustment because he's doing fine in the mornings, only acting up in the afternoon (and only once or twice a week) but I'm worried because today he bit another kid. That's not normal behavior--not in general for that age, and not for him either. So now I'm worried that it's more than just having trouble adjusting. Or maybe it really is trouble adjusting and he's just having that hard of a time?

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 6:11 pm

Not yet, I'm still on my way home. Definitely plan to. I have talked to him about the other incidents I know about, and for that his answer is that school is less fun than it used to be and they make him work so much.

mha3484

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 6:11 pm

I agree with Imasinger. I think the first step is to get his side of the story. Then I would get his input on what he thinks can make school more tolerable. Then you can go from there.

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 7:34 pm

He said he opened his mouth to tell his friend to knock it off, "but instead of words, a bite came out." He's not really sure why he bit instead of "making better choices". That is all I've got for now.

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 8:07 pm

Random, but have you had him checked for strep? When my son was a little younger than yours (but still way too old to be biting, and he also was never a biter) he bit a classmate. His teacher told me that her son had become unusually aggressive due to strep. Turned out that he did have strep, and no other symptoms!

unexpected

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:31 pm

Boys in school are very, extremely wild. The school will tell you that this has never happened before and the children never fight yadda yadda yadda but I would take EVERYTHING they say with a grain of salt. Don't worry about your son. If he doesn't have any difficulties at home then chances are he is just adjusting to the environment in school and things will straighten out. Please don't let the school slap a label onto him just two weeks into the school year... it will follow him for life.

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 11:05 pm

I mean, he definitely fights with siblings at home and it drives me crazy, but like, nothing out of the ordinary. He is a bit impulsive, but again, not to the point of concern. And yeah, I'm scared of the school possibly labeling him.

amother

Cyan

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 11:13 pm

unexpected wrote:

Huh? Why would anyone label anyone? And no, first grade boys do not bite each other. I work in a boys school. Yes, they're rough and tumble and don't hesitate to put their hands on each other, but biting is not typical at all. If it happened once and never happens again, ok, everyone will move on. Either way this poor boy seems unhappy so it's best if everyone can help smooth his adjustment to first grade.

gold21

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 11:17 pm

How are his nights and mornings at home? Does he get a good night's sleep? How does he get to school? Is it a long bus ride? Eats a good breakfast? Etc. What's his temperament like when you send him off in the morning? How does he come home after school? What's his mood like then?.

What kind of school is it?

P.S. I have a first grader as well.

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 11:28 pm

Mornings and evenings generally go smoothly, maybe a little bit of whining and shenanigans. He even does his homework quickly and without fuss. Eats well, sleeps well. He takes the bus, but it's not a long ride. He has not been terribly enthusiastic about going--like I said, he's been complaining that school isn't as fun as it was last year--but he's also not crying or refusing to go. Also, every single incident that I know of so far has happened in the afternoon, so he seems to be doing fine in the morning.

What do you mean by type of school? They're a typical day school, teachers all have degrees, school does try to be on top of best practices and latest research, they have a school psychologist (who will be at the meeting tomorrow).

gold21

Wed, Sep 25 2019, 12:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OK. Yes, by type of school, I mean is it professionally run. Do they offer extracurriculars for the kids to get a break from the classroom setting?

It sounds like he's doing well overall but the length of the school day is affecting him. Does he eat a good lunch there?

Good Luck....

amother

Brunette

Wed, Sep 25 2019, 3:15 am

Poor kid

My mom always said she felt so bad pushing me ahead to first grade (I was the youngest and technically missed the cutoff) because I came home the first day crying and said, "There's no toys in first grade!" Kindergarten is basically play time with a bit of writing/learning, and first grade is sitting at a desk most of the day. It's a big shift! I don't think my parents made any changes based on it- I think I just got over it eventually. But I wasn't acting out because of it as far as I know. Is he younger than the other kids? Is there anything he can bring to school to make it more enjoyable? A ball or something to play with outside? I agree with the one who said ask him how to make it better. Does he have a different teacher when there have been issues?

amother

Wed, Sep 25 2019, 7:12 am

Brunette, you make a fair point. He IS the youngest in the class, just turned six last week. He made the cutoff by two weeks. He did well last year, and anyway, he'd be bored out of his mind doing K again. They just assigned the reading groups, he's in the top group in both Hebrew and English. Also, he does pretty well socially, he's quite popular. He sometimes has a bit of drama with his friends, but I'm honestly surprised that he got more physical than just a shove or something. I'm just really hoping it really is just him having a difficult transition and we can help him through it, and that it's not something more. Meeting with school is soon, I'll keep you posted!

amother

Wed, Sep 25 2019, 9:53 am

So good news. School is very reasonable. Therapy was not even suggested (not that I have anything against it, just that I'm glad they don't think we're at that point). They wanted to strategize to help him through this. Giving him more breaks. He'll be allowed to have a fidget. School psychologist will meet with with him periodically. Any other ideas I should suggest?