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Does your husband love you or his mom more?
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amother




Salmon


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 9:36 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Does your husband love you or his mom more?


That’s a question you have to ask him! 😀 ask me who I FEEL he likes better? Definitely me on daily basis but there is that love that every son should have to their mother which I think is more respect/admiration/appreciation kind of love.
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chayamiriam




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 9:39 am
Do you love your daughter more than you love your son! Different kinds of love why does it have to be a competition??
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amother




Black


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 9:44 am
amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:
The first 10 yrs his mom
Now me
B”H she lives a 9 hr plane ride away


Just curious- do you really think that a person can know and be raised by their mother for 20 or so years and then suddenly marry a stranger essentially and suddenly love them better in an instant.? It takes time to develop love. Years ans years of giving to a person.
Are you so surprised it took 10 years for him to "love you more ?"

Your last line of thank God mom lives a 9 hr plane ride away was in poor taste. Would you want your son's wives to say that about you? You still feel threatened by her after 10 years of marriage?
I'm so surprised by all the comments that think it's strange that a man loves his mother. The woman who nursed him raised him showered him with love for over 20 years. And you get newly married you suddenly expect that dynamic to shift over to the new wife in a day?
Give it time !! Give it years and years. Ans during those years become the kind of wife that showers her husband with so much love he in turn loves you deeply back. And don't feel threatened by his love for his mother. The 2 are completely incomparable.
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amother




Peach


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 9:58 am
my ex definitely loved me MUCH more than his mom pretty much right after marriage -so doesn't show anything or make for a better marriage
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 10:06 am
"Just curious- do you really think that a person can know and be raised by their mother for 20 or so years and then suddenly marry a stranger essentially and suddenly love them better in an instant.?"

Yes this is what love does to you, it's irrational though it's also mandated: "he took her as his wife and loved her". I know kavod doesn't stop at marriage yet it's a very shaila to know if he should answer his wife or mother yet given both are similar level priority. Of course if you ask about movies and she's in help, he should answer her.

Women can be bad daughter in laws hence the comments, or they are angels putting up with crazies, or simply they prioritize shalom bayis while as my neighbor says "the mother doesn't love her son enough to want him happy"
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honeymoon




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 12:18 pm
He loves us both. There is enough room in his heart for both of us. It's not a matter of IF he loves, but HOW he loves. I would think something is seriously wrong with a man who doesn't love the woman who raised and loved him his entire life. I don't feel threatened by his love for her because I feel secure in his love for me. And I love my mom in law too.
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amother




Bronze


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 1:21 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
Just curious- do you really think that a person can know and be raised by their mother for 20 or so years and then suddenly marry a stranger essentially and suddenly love them better in an instant.? It takes time to develop love. Years ans years of giving to a person.
Are you so surprised it took 10 years for him to "love you more ?"

Your last line of thank God mom lives a 9 hr plane ride away was in poor taste. Would you want your son's wives to say that about you? You still feel threatened by her after 10 years of marriage?
I'm so surprised by all the comments that think it's strange that a man loves his mother. The woman who nursed him raised him showered him with love for over 20 years. And you get newly married you suddenly expect that dynamic to shift over to the new wife in a day?
Give it time !! Give it years and years. Ans during those years become the kind of wife that showers her husband with so much love he in turn loves you deeply back. And don't feel threatened by his love for his mother. The 2 are completely incomparable.


A child is a recipient of the parent while spouses give to each other. The love of a husband and wife is meant to be deeper, and yes, it grows faster.
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 1:26 pm
My husband actually says that he loves me more . But he lived with his parents for 19 years and with me for 25 years so he got used to me more Smile Also he never had close and understanding relationships with his mom Sad
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 1:46 pm
No good can come of asking your dh this question. If you’re smart, you won’t do do. Ever.
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amother




Lime


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 8:22 pm
Can't Believe It Banging head I don't know, do you love your son more or your daughter more? Your father more or your mother more?

Hearts have room for everyone, they grow, have unlimited space. The more people in it the more beautiful they become.
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amother




Cobalt


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 8:30 pm
Delete
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amother




Gold


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 8:39 pm
Mine doesn’t like his Mom, he loves her to some degree bec she’s his mother but he doesnt like her.
He loves me very very much.
As a newlywed I worried that if he doesn’t like his mom he can maybe one day start not liking me also. It scared me that a grown person doesn’t like his mom who carried him and raised him for so many years.
But that never happened. He loves me, always did always does. Married close to 20 yrs.
He’s the oldest and she had Aspergers (today they call it ‘on the spectrum’) So he didn’t have an easy childhood at home. It’s sad.
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Optione




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 8:44 pm
Me
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 9:36 pm
This is a really weird thread.
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amother




Cerise


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 11:32 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Does your husband love you or his mom more?


Come on, do you really believe any wife knows the truth about what her husband’s real feelings are? Do you think any husband will admit to his wife he loves his mom more? Nope. Never happen.
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chanatron1000




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 12:38 am
In English, we typically use the word love for all the different types of love, but if your relationships are healthy, your feelings toward a spouse will be very different from your feelings toward a parent.
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DVOM




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 6:10 am
You know the answer to this one OP... What's going on for you? I suspect there's some story here simmering behind this question.

What do you answer your kids when they ask who you love more? It's an impossible question to answer.

My husband adores his mom. My mil is a very caring, emotional and empathic person. She loves him and us unconditionally, totally. There is nothing going on in our lives that isn't interesting and important to her, nothing we could be experiencing that she doesn't have endless patience to discuss. She is also very wise, and has a fresh and interesting perspective. My husband talks to her every day. This is not a threat to the love me and my husband share.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 6:54 am
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
Come on, do you really believe any wife knows the truth about what her husband’s real feelings are? Do you think any husband will admit to his wife he loves his mom more? Nope. Never happen.


some morons do, and behave openly

DVmom: a blessing!
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amother




Mustard


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 6:58 am
My husband was very attached to his mom the first 3 years of our marriage even though we got married at age 28. He'd side with her always wanted me to cook like her, decorate our place the way she wanted etc. Until she put me down over and over again and I snapped and told him to move in with his mom and leave me alone already. He was shocked but I was consistent so he thought about the whole situation and decided to tell his mom to finally back off and not visit us until she knows how to behave.
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amother




Mustard


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 7:01 am
DVOM wrote:
You know the answer to this one OP... What's going on for you? I suspect there's some story here simmering behind this question.

What do you answer your kids when they ask who you love more? It's an impossible question to answer.

My husband adores his mom. My mil is a very caring, emotional and empathic person. She loves him and us unconditionally, totally. There is nothing going on in our lives that isn't interesting and important to her, nothing we could be experiencing that she doesn't have endless patience to discuss. She is also very wise, and has a fresh and interesting perspective. My husband talks to her every day. This is not a threat to the love me and my husband share.


Wow that's really nice! I always wanted a mil like that because my mom doesn't even care to call on my birthday or the birthdays of any of my siblings.
But it's a different story when the mil is talking behind your back how she doesn't like you because xyz and always complains and nothing is ever good enough. My mil used to call to tell us what we're doing wrong, what we should be doing, cooking, wearing, buying etc.
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