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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 7:12 am
I have 2 kids and I'm always overwhelmed. How do all of you with 5-10+ kids handle everything?? How do you not lose it constantly? How do you have any time for yourself?? Any tips?
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ora_43




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 7:20 am
How old are your two kids? If you ask me, 90% of the "secret" to maintaining sanity is to have kids that are past toddler age.

Nobody handles everything. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. You have to choose what to prioritize, and what to let go. Make sure that sleep makes it in there somewhere.

You will never "have" time for yourself, as in, suddenly realize that the kids are asleep and the house is perfectly clean and you have extra energy to do something fun. There's only making time for yourself (and your marriage), whether by hiring a babysitter or ignoring the dishes or serving hot dogs for dinner or all of the above.

(on a personal level, it does help to not be a perfectionist, and to enjoy having lots of things to do. I hesitate to suggest that as a solution, though, since it's more of a personal preference. I assume it would also help to be highly organized, but that's just a guess, I've never actually tried.)
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ora_43




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 7:26 am
As for not losing it:

1. sleep

2. time for yourself

3. realistic expectations

4. don't get too anxious about your kids' behavior. kids misbehave. you need to teach them to do better, over the course of their childhood, but don't make the mistake of thinking that you have to completely fix their behavior RIGHT NOW or they will grow up to be criminals or who knows what. just be reasonable and consistent and eventually it will get better. (saying this because the number-1 cause of parental freak-outs witnessed by me are parents of young kids trying to have too much control over their kids' behavior.)
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 8:15 am
I parent European and old school (mostly). I don't agonize, guilt or helicopter.
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amother




Seashell


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 9:13 am
1) Who says I do it? And never lose myself?
2) Being a sahm definitely helps
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amother




Green


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 9:53 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have 2 kids and I'm always overwhelmed. How do all of you with 5-10+ kids handle everything?? How do you not lose it constantly? How do you have any time for yourself?? Any tips?


Again, the age of the kids makes a huge difference.

I have two. I'm not managing.
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amother




Lilac


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 10:09 am
Yesterday I couldn't manage the calm! My youngest is 5 and on the spectrum. Yesterday, he went out to play at a neighbor which is a relatively rare occurrence. It was before I served supper, before the nightly homework marathon, before my older kids got home. All of a sudden, it was quiet in the house and the food was in the oven, the table was set, and there was nothing to do right then. I was so stressed out! I was laughing at myself, I was sitting down for a few quiet minutes on the couch and it felt SO weird that I just couldn't manage to relax. Go figure!
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 10:15 am
In my experience handling 2 little kids was harder than having 5+ kids , when the oldest ones are entertaining and obsessing over the baby and toddler ...
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ssspectacular




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 10:18 am
That's why Hashem gives them one at a time. You don't wake up one day with 6. You learn tricks along the way. Your confidence grows. You learn what's important and what's not. Have patience with yourself.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 10:31 am
ssspectacular wrote:
That's why Hashem gives them one at a time. You don't wake up one day with 6. You learn tricks along the way. Your confidence grows. You learn what's important and what's not. Have patience with yourself.

Yes to that.

I'm on the upper end of your spectrum, and over time my patience and tolerance levels have slowly (imperceptibly) increased. I can handle higher levels of screaming and chaos without having a meltdown myself.

A few months ago I had 3 kids melt down completely (on the floor kicking and screaming) in public, and I was totally not fazed. I was amazed to see myself stay calm through that.

In many ways a larger family is easier than a smaller one. They entertain each other, help each other, and you are forced to grow together with them.

I was an overwhelmed mother with 2, but that did not prevent me from being a calm(er) mother of 5-10.
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amother




Blush


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 10:35 am
1 step at a time. 1 baby at a time only when ready.
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honeymoon




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 12:11 pm
ora_43 wrote:


4. don't get too anxious about your kids' behavior. kids misbehave. you need to teach them to do better, over the course of their childhood, but don't make the mistake of thinking that you have to completely fix their behavior RIGHT NOW or they will grow up to be criminals or who knows what. just be reasonable and consistent and eventually it will get better. (saying this because the number-1 cause of parental freak-outs witnessed by me are parents of young kids trying to have too much control over their kids' behavior.)


This is amazing advice! And something I will try to keep in mind when my kids do act criminal like at times.. Very Happy
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