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Teachers, do I really need to go to back to school night?
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 3:25 pm
Hi Teachers,
Thank you for all that you do for all of our children every single day.
DD is a HS Junior.
Tonight is back to school night, where you spend 7 minutes in each class, following her schedule, where the teachers introduce themselves and give you the syllabus.
I do not want to be disrespectful to you.
Do you want me to show up? We all know the only time I will see you again is at student/parent/teacher conferences. You are not looking for feedback from me, nor is my being there impacting what you teach my child or how she learns. At 16 she is very independent. The syllabus is already written and issues are addressed directly by her.

Do you want a room full of people coming and asking inane questions about whether the class will really be taught Ivrit b'Ivrit and what to do if the child struggles- have the child speak with you, or exactly what is going to be on the history midterm- you will hand out a study guide before the test.....
Do you want to talk to a room full of adult-or like a whole in the head and just wish everyone would stay home because it is anxiety provoking for anyone.
Or is it insulting for parents not to show up, and you feel like parent should take some interest in their child's education. You need to spend your night there, parents should come as well.
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Rutabaga




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 3:48 pm
I'm not a teacher but either DH or I make an effort to go to these meet the teacher nights despite how hard it is to walk out the door at 7 PM on a weeknight. It's nice to meet the teachers and put a face to the name and get a sense of who our children will be spending a lot of time with over the course of the year. It's also nice to get a sense of what they will be teaching and what their expectations are of the kids. But IMHO, it's even better to show our children how much we value their education that we're willing to schlep back out after a long day and sit in their uncomfortable desk chairs (or tiny preschool chairs) in order to meet the teachers who play such an important role in their lives.

Oops, didn't mean to go amother!
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amother




Taupe


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 3:51 pm
amother [ Maroon ] wrote:
I'm not a teacher but either DH or I make an effort to go to these meet the teacher nights despite how hard it is to walk out the door at 7 PM on a weeknight. It's nice to meet the teachers and put a face to the name and get a sense of who our children will be spending a lot of time with over the course of the year. It's also nice to get a sense of what they will be teaching and what their expectations are of the kids. But IMHO, it's even better to show our children how much we value their education that we're willing to schlep back out after a long day and sit in their uncomfortable desk chairs (or tiny preschool chairs) in order to meet the teachers who play such an important role in their lives.


I agree with this all the way for elementary students. But I think the importance of it all wanes significantly for High school students.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 3:59 pm
****I am specifically referring to 16/17 year olds, HS Juniors. They are completely independent in their work, course selection.....
If they have issues with attendance/homework/a teacher....they are responsible and expected to follow the channels themselves, to email the teacher, to speak with guidance, to speak to the attendece secretary (in a timely fashion).

I feel like the only thing I get to do, is pay the tuition😉, oh, and listen to her complain.

I feel obligated to go, DD spent dinner conversation last night trying to convince me not to bother, and I really don't want to!!!!
(In addition to regular stuff, I have to change my clothes, put on my shaital, and I don't have a single friend there so I feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable)

I'm gonna go, I'm just kvetchy!
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amother




Taupe


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 4:03 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
****I am specifically referring to 16/17 year olds, HS Juniors. They are completely independent in their work, course selection.....
If they have issues with attendance/homework/a teacher....they are responsible and expected to follow the channels themselves, to email the teacher, to speak with guidance, to speak to the attendece secretary (in a timely fashion).

I feel like the only thing I get to do, is pay the tuition😉, oh, and listen to her complain.


If you feel that way, then this is the opportunity to get to know her daily doings. I'm happy with my daughter being independent, and doing that all of her own. She knows I'm available to help her in any way, at any time. So I'm more than pleased to let her gain the skills to navigate life on her own, while I'm watching from the sidelines. Hence, I don't see the significance of a back to school night for these kids.
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 4:08 pm
Junior year is crucial for college-bound students. Yes, my child is responsible for her own work at this point, but I want to have a reasonably good idea of expectations. Also, experienced teachers know what parents need to hear. I'd rather get all the info up front. I wouldn't skip junior year.
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DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 4:08 pm
I always like to make an effort to meet my children's teachers, even those who teach older kids.

I always find out new things about my kids this way!
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amother




Taupe


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 4:09 pm
DrMom wrote:
I always like to make an effort to meet my children's teachers, even those who teach older kids.

I always find out new things about my kids this way!


Oh, I do too. I always attend PTA. But do the teachers know much about the kids so early in the year?
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 4:32 pm
Teachers don't know the kids yet. They teach between 90-140 students and have had 10 days of school.
One does not even have an opportunity to speak to the teacher or even introduce themself.
Regarding expectations, they will cover the precalc syllabus and be prepared to take AP next year. English, do I really care which Shakespeare book she reads? I'll find out when she asks me to order it from amazon. I don't get a choice in which I think is the best or most appropriate. Chumash- do you think I will remember which are the 7 mifarshim you said you will be studying in depth? I have a hard enough time keeping Rambam and Ramban apart.

I've seen her syllabuses when she brought them home the first day of school. They are fluid and things change, as they should. We have discussed class placement, teaching styles, friends in class, and balancing schoolwork/chessed/and studying for the SATs. Sorry, just venting. I'm going to go, just feels like an enormous waste of time and effort.
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amother




Crimson


Post  Wed, Sep 25 2019, 8:49 pm
I guess by now you went. I'll give you two perspectives.

As a kid, my mother never went to even pta. We were in a small oot school, much smarter than the curriculum or other handful of kids in our classes (im too tired to be politically correct. Yes we were all top of our classes not that there was competition) and extremely unstimulated, from 3rd grade already we were making deals with mom to earn prizes by finishing complete workbooks after doing the teachers work. My point is, mom always said, what do I need to go for, I know what they'll say, you have no problems and if you do (chutzpah was always a problem bc we were all so bored we would act up) I'll hear about it.

One time maybe like 4th grade the teacher told us to color name tags for our desks for pta tonight. I said there's no point, my mother never comes.
So I never forgot this. I knew logically there was no reason for her but it really felt like an abandonment. My kid was 18 months and had a " pta" in daycare, I went running.

Another perspective as a high school teacher, but in a small school, meeting the parents really really helps me get a feel for the student. Everything just clicks.

So neither fits in with your scenario but maybe offers something to think about.
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DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 1:43 am
I also like to check out the teachers.
Who seems to be on-the-ball and engaging?
Who seems dull and uninspiring?
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amother




Aubergine


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 2:36 am
Teenagers don't always tell their parents everything. Back to school night gives you a chance to see the people with whom your daughter spends most of her day. Also, it is just nice to know what material they cover in class. You don't have to go, but you will get a sense of how your daughter is spending her time.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 6:52 am
I go to reunions for parents teachers once the year has started
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amother




Smokey


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 7:18 am
I also had back to school last night. And like op was not looking forward. For whatever reason, logistically, it was very difficult to go.

So glad I went. It was, literally, inspiring. It made me so glad that my child is a student there. (She is too). Their educational philosophy is so amazing and hearing her teachers echo that in their talks made me so glad that this is the school we send to. (Even made those huge tuition checks a little easier to pay)

One of the things the principal said (guess I'll go anon,because I'm sharing this) is people ask her what a [school name] girl "looks like". Her answer "exactly like herself, but moreso"
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 8:53 am
amother [ Smokey ] wrote:
I also had back to school last night. And like op was not looking forward. For whatever reason, logistically, it was very difficult to go.

So glad I went. It was, literally, inspiring. It made me so glad that my child is a student there. (She is too). Their educational philosophy is so amazing and hearing her teachers echo that in their talks made me so glad that this is the school we send to. (Even made those huge tuition checks a little easier to pay)

One of the things the principal said (guess I'll go anon,because I'm sharing this) is people ask her what a [school name] girl "looks like". Her answer "exactly like herself, but moreso"


Smart money is that it is the same school!!! (I missed opening remarks by the principal but that is SO the philosophy of the school. I love it there and our family could not be happier. Is it the school that had a school-wide trip to camp Dina?)
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amother




Gold


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 9:01 am
My kids are still in elementary school, so I always go, and I think for sure in 9th grade it would be important, not sure how much it matters after that. But I guess we'll see when we get there...

But to lighten the mood, I have two funny back to school night stories about my parents. My parents divorced when I was little, but they were very good at co-parenting and always went to back to school night and pta together.

One year, my dad walked out of back to school night with the phone number of one of my teachers and ended up going on a few dates with her. Not so funny at the time, and definitely ethically dubious, but it didn't go anywhere, and we laugh about it now.

The following year, I had a very attractive math teacher and had a bit of a crush on him. Now, I'm not really a math person, but let's just say that year, I was. My mom came home from back to school night and said, oh man, I can see why you're suddenly so enthusiastic about math LOL
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amother




Smokey


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 9:21 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Smart money is that it is the same school!!! (I missed opening remarks by the principal but that is SO the philosophy of the school. I love it there and our family could not be happier. Is it the school that had a school-wide trip to camp Dina?)


Yup, same school!
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 9:25 am
amother [ Smokey ] wrote:
Yup, same school!

Very Happy
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amother




Lawngreen


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 9:37 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Hi Teachers,
Thank you for all that you do for all of our children every single day.
DD is a HS Junior.
Tonight is back to school night, where you spend 7 minutes in each class, following her schedule, where the teachers introduce themselves and give you the syllabus.
I do not want to be disrespectful to you.
Do you want me to show up? We all know the only time I will see you again is at student/parent/teacher conferences. You are not looking for feedback from me, nor is my being there impacting what you teach my child or how she learns. At 16 she is very independent. The syllabus is already written and issues are addressed directly by her.

Do you want a room full of people coming and asking inane questions about whether the class will really be taught Ivrit b'Ivrit and what to do if the child struggles- have the child speak with you, or exactly what is going to be on the history midterm- you will hand out a study guide before the test.....
Do you want to talk to a room full of adult-or like a whole in the head and just wish everyone would stay home because it is anxiety provoking for anyone.
Or is it insulting for parents not to show up, and you feel like parent should take some interest in their child's education. You need to spend your night there, parents should come as well.


The key phrase is "HS junior."

If this were a middle school student, I'd say that it's important to go.

For a high school student, I'm surprised they even have a meet the teacher night... my school did not. If it were a ninth grader, I'd still recommend going. But a junior? Unless you have specific questions about seminary or college and how the school helps students prepare, I don't see any reason that it's necessary.

I'm going to sit through a curriculum night tonight as a public school teacher. I'll talk to about 5 parents, if even that. No one else shows up. Rolling Eyes
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Ema of 4




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Sep 26 2019, 9:48 am
DrMom wrote:
I also like to check out the teachers.
Who seems to be on-the-ball and engaging?
Who seems dull and uninspiring?

This is why I go. I can get a feel from orientation as to whether the teachers will be a good match for my child. We had a disaster year with one of my kids once, where the school refused to change my kids class. (Yes, there was an option to do so, numerous other kids from other classes switched, and a couple switched in and out of this particular class as well.) I knew from orientation that it wasn’t going to be good and I told the school as much. Since then, I make it a top priority to go to my childrens’ orientations. This year I missed one, because it wasn’t local, and I had another local one at the same exact time. Yes, my kids are younger (my oldest is in 7th grade) but I still see it as a priority. Also, I always go over and introduce myself to the teachers after, and let them know that I am always available if anything should come up.
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