Day Care | Imamother

happymom

Mon, Aug 29 2005, 12:52 pm

There is something that is bothering me and hard for me to understand. Im wondering if anyone here agrees with me. I decided to stay home with my baby for AT LEAST a year. Not because I can afford to, or have extra money, but because my baby needs me and I feel these years are the most important of her life. The problem is that ALL my friends work part time or full time.... which means I have no one to hang out with. I don't understand how these mothers can just bring their babies to day care starting at SIX weeks old!!!!!! Then, they complain that their babies are sick a lot and that they are very fussy. I think when a baby is in day care or with a few other babies and the only way they get what they need is if they cry they LEARN TO CRY for everything!!!! They also become very attached to their parents because they feel their mother might leave them again.... I have no choice but to work because Its too hard having no one to socialize with. I decided to find a playgroup that I can bring my daughter to and stay with her and get paid since I would be helping out with the other babies as well as taking care of my daughter. Has anyone ever done this??? What do you guys think?

stem

Mon, Aug 29 2005, 1:09 pm

I had the same problem when I had my first. All the other women in my neighborhood were working and sending their kids to a babysitter. It was really hard for me, I'll admit it, sometimes I thought I would go crazy all alone the whole day. But I still couldn't bear the thought of having my baby daughter taken to another woman.
Since then we moved to a new city where there are more mothers home with their kids, and I try to get together with them every so often so the kids could play, and the mothers could shmooze.
The play group idea sounds like a good solution for you.

1stimer

Mon, Aug 29 2005, 2:00 pm

Quote:

I decided to stay home with my baby for AT LEAST a year. Not because I can afford to,

I'm curious if you can't afford to not work, what do you practically do?

Quote:

They also become very attached to their parents because they feel their mother might leave them again....

On another thread a woman was told that it was sad that her kid didn't ask for her parents when they were away, here it seems that it's not good for them to be very attached either. Oh well, there's no winning.

Btw, the playgroup idea sounds good I hope it works out for you.

Yael

Mon, Aug 29 2005, 2:26 pm

I cant stand it that almost every child over the age of 18 mo. is in day care. I kept levi home till this yr and he will be 3 soon. I'll tell you that he had no friends to play with during the day b/c all kids his age were in playgroup. but I dont regret my desision. I think he's a happy, secure and self confident kid b/c he's home with me and I'm able t give him the attention he neeeds. also he has a playmate in dovi so they are very close.
levi already asked me if dovi could come to school with him this yr. Very Happy

it will be the first time they will be away from each other for so long.

happymom

Mon, Aug 29 2005, 2:52 pm

1sttimer,

1) What I am saying is: that I will not have EXTRA money, which is nice but for me its more worth it to stay home with my daughter. Instead of buying expensive clothes I will have to wait for sales etc... thats what I mean. Bh we have enough money from what my husband makes for what we need.

2) When I say attached I mean in a negative way. I mean clingy. Of course it is good to have a close connection with your child! I am very close with my daughter and she is attached to me... I play with her... cuddle her... hug and kiss her all day... some of my friends were complaining to me that their babies are very CLINGY and wont let her put them down, especially in the morning when they are dropped off at playgroup...

cindy324

Mon, Aug 29 2005, 10:17 pm

happymom , I think that's a great idea you working in a playgroup and being able to take ur baby with you! You won't miss any of the milestones, she'll have you when she needs you, and she'll have the advantage of having other kids to pay with. I also can't imagine dropping my little baby off at a babysitter, I wouldn't be able to concentrate all day. Besides I would miss all the cute moments of her first year! Believe me I could use the extra money too, an d I certainly understand moms who have to go back to work, but if you can manage .....why not

Purple Hug Bunny

Mon, Aug 29 2005, 10:22 pm

Happymom, I agree with what the others said, a playgroup seems like a smart idea.
Yael, you're saying Levi is a happy child?
He's happy now, bec. he with you, but bec. he is soo used to being with you, it might be even harder to being left alone now.
I can only wish you that he is happy in school and it wont be hard.

amother

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 10:47 am

Let's not put down mothers who send their kids to daycare. If that is the best choice for you- great. but don't be upset just because everyone else's kid is in daycare.

I have tried many alternatives. We had my babies in daycare. I started my own daycare. For the last several years we have had a babysitter come to the house. I think as long as the childcare is good, your child will not be harmed by not being home with you. Finding good childcare, however, is difficult. Usually a 1-1 situation is best.

I don't think that clingy or not and sick or not has anything to do with daycare. Many parents who stay home with their kids find that the children catch up quickly on all the bugs and viruses they missed once they are in primary school. Some of my friends who stay home with their kids also have kids who are super clingy. I don't think these things are connected.

Written as amother b/c of identifying info.

happymom

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 11:14 am

amother Im sorry if it sounded like I was putting down parents who send their children to day care. I understand that I don't know everyones situations.. and its not my business. I am not upset that people have babysitters for their children... it upsets me when I see really bad daycares where children don't get the attention they need and then their parents complain that their child is always getting sick and too clingy... started crying a lot.... you can tell a lot from your baby... if your baby is unhappy then that is a big sign that something is wrong. I agree that if there is someone who loves babies and is amazing with them leaving them for a couple hours a day wont harm them. that is not what I'm talking about. (It is actually a fact that babies get sick more often when they are in day care because they are exposed to alot more germs, especially when they are so tiny. When they are older their immune system is a lot stronger.)

I was speaking to a friend of mine. she sends her baby who is only FIVE MONTHS old to day care. She told me although her baby is fussy, she is happy because at least they change her and feed her when she needs it!!! she told me they don't give her that much attention because there are so many other babies, but its ok because its only three hours a day!!!!! THIS IS WHAT BOTHERS ME!!! I FEEL BAD FOR THOSE BABIES.

As for me I feel my baby is MUCH happier when I am with her, so I'm glad I have the opportunity to do so. I hope I am not offending anyone because I don't mean to.

lucky

Tue, Aug 30 2005, 12:00 pm

it definetly depends on the quality of childcare.
One of my neighbors babysat for another neighbor. This kid was really a rachmonos. This babysitter just did not have any motherly feelings for this kid.(she had her own)But I've seen very caring babysitters too.