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Can't fast, feeling guilty!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 8:16 am
I have a ruling that I cannot do any of the fasts, large or small, because of the medication I am on. I was told:

1. Eat and drink normally, do not do shiurim.

2. Don't feel guilty!

This came from some very big rabbanim who specialize in medical ethics and halacha.

My question is, if you can't fast, how to do get over the guilt? YK and Tish b'Av feel so weird to me.
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andrea levy




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 8:21 am
Eating is your mitzvah now. No guilt.
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 8:29 am
You're required and mechayiv not to fast just as we're mechayiv to fast. No guilt!
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amother




Mint
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 8:36 am
It's a jom tov. If you don't fast you should it nice food like you would eat any jt. Also there is in every birkas hamazon also for jom kipur, because whoever doesn't fast should make a suede. I'm just saying this so you should know you are not the only one and you are doing the right thing. I'm sure otherwise it wouldn't be written in every bencher
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amother




Lilac
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 8:53 am
The way I see it, Yiddishkeit is a personal thing. It’s our personal relationship with Hashem.

We have a basic blueprint to follow, but yet we still need to follow it in the personalized way that Hashem wants for us - which is why we have rabbonim. Hashem wants what He wants from you, because no one else can serve Him from your position. No one can take your place. This Yom Kippur, he doesn’t want you to fast because that’s not what He needs from you. You’d be mimicking someone else’s service and that wouldn’t be authentic.

Right now you’ve got it clear cut, this is the service Hashem is looking forward to from You - no one else can take your place.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:06 am
Mint and Lilac, your posts make so much sense! I've never thought about it that way, and I'll give it a lot of thought over YK to help me stay with the spirit of the day.
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:15 am
I think that there are a lot of people who can't fast at all. Many older people are frail and on medication and it's not advisable for them to fast. I wonder what percentage of the residents of old age homes are still able to fast. Do people in their 90's, who are in danger of dehydration or dizziness, which can lead to falls, still fast? Maybe someone here who has family members that age can weigh in on it.

I remember as a teenager, my mother and I were shocked to look down from the balcony and see that my grandfather passed out on Yom Kippur because he took nitroglycerin for his heart while fasting. Several doctors were tending to him and they forced him to eat a chocolate bar and drink some juice and then told my grandmother to drive him home. He had to give up fasting from that point on.

Fasting is a mitzvah that is based on the physical ability to do so. If a Rabbi said that you should eat, why feel guilty? Most people don't envy those who have to eat because they are sick.
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:20 am
I can’t fast on the small fast days anymore and it’s not due to a medical condition. I simply don’t have the strength and stamina. I’m nearing 50 (still in my 40’s) , I’m not an old lady or pregnant woman.... I feel bad and guilty about it.
This past Taanis Esther and 17 tamuz I did fast and felt so fulfilled and good about it. Wish I could do it today but I just can’t. I’m not proud and even embarrassed.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:24 am
I don’t fast on Tisha B’Av. I don’t feel guilty in the slightest bit, because I know it is what’s best for me, and I know I will get sick if I do.
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:29 am
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
I can’t fast on the small fast days anymore and it’s not due to a medical condition. I simply don’t have the strength and stamina. I’m nearing 50 (still in my 40’s) , I’m not an old lady or pregnant woman.... I feel bad and guilty about it.
This past Taanis Esther and 17 tamuz I did fast and felt so fulfilled and good about it. Wish I could do it today but I just can’t. I’m not proud and even embarrassed.


I'm 64 and I'm going to try to make it through the fast today but I have to help get the newborn to his check up and the kids with teeth to the dentist and we are I'Y'H" making a bris tomorrow and have stuff to pick up. So I have to see what I am capable of. I deliberately overate last night.
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amother




Yellow
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:42 am
I haven't fasted in years. At first it was very very weird. It's become a bit less strange over the years. The hardest part for me is still being all spiritual and davening while not fasting. Like on Yom Kippur I feel so weird davening and stuff since I've been eating. Like only doing part of what the holiday if that makes sense. And doing to shul and even just taking my kid outside I feel like people are going to be able to tell I've been eating (makes no sense I know). Everyone just thinks I'm a super faster who somehow still has energy by the end of the day...
The hard part for me now is my oldest is getting to the age where he's going to start realizing so I don't know how to handle that... Eat in private? Whatever, I don't want to derail from your post.
Basically it's what you're supposed to be doing and the reality is that it's a weird feeling to be doing what I've always been told not to do and to be doing something different from what everyone else is doing but.... We have rabbis to help us figure out what we're supposed to do and likes yours and mine said this is what we're supposed to do and this is how we are supposed to fulfill the obligations of the say- to keep ourselves healthy.
(Ok I guess the point of this response is just to let you know you obviously aren't the only person out there who isn't and won't be fasting. Something I'm sure you already know but still it's helpful to hear).
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:42 am
southernbubby wrote:
I'm 64 and I'm going to try to make it through the fast today but I have to help get the newborn to his check up and the kids with teeth to the dentist and we are I'Y'H" making a bris tomorrow and have stuff to pick up. So I have to see what I am capable of. I deliberately overate last night.


Maybe till chatzos? That’s pushing it.. you really have a lot to do today.
The only way I make it through the small fasts is by telling myself that if I need to eat, I really can. Somehow that helps me in my mind not to feel overwhelmed...

Mazel Tov!!! Continued nachas from your family! May Hashem give you strength to get through this hectic time and to be able to enjoy the simcha.
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:43 am
amother [ Yellow ] wrote:
I haven't fasted in years. At first it was very very weird. It's become a bit less strange over the years. The hardest part for me is still being all spiritual and davening while not fasting. Like on Yom Kippur I feel so weird davening and stuff since I've been eating. Like only doing part of what the holiday if that makes sense. And doing to shul and even just taking my kid outside I feel like people are going to be able to tell I've been eating (makes no sense I know). Everyone just thinks I'm a super faster who somehow still has energy by the end of the day...
The hard part for me now is my oldest is getting to the age where he's going to start realizing so I don't know how to handle that... Eat in private? Whatever, I don't want to derail from your post.
Basically it's what you're supposed to be doing and the reality is that it's a weird feeling to be doing what I've always been told not to do and to be doing something different from what everyone else is doing but.... We have rabbis to help us figure out what we're supposed to do and likes yours and mine said this is what we're supposed to do and this is how we are supposed to fulfill the obligations of the say- to keep ourselves healthy.
(Ok I guess the point of this response is just to let you know you obviously aren't the only person out there who isn't and won't be fasting. Something I'm sure you already know but still it's helpful to hear).


Why don’t you fast on Yom Kippur?
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iyar




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 9:48 am
FF if you can find time, say perek shira just once. Try to find one with an English translation. Everything in creation sings a special song. The sun, the moon, the wind, the grapevine, the eagle, the crow, the spider, the frog, the horse and the elephant. There's a special song for each one of us. I'm sure you've heard women complain that they can't sing the song of a man. Or you might know someone who's upset she can't sing her friend's song. It can happen to anyone. This year the special song of FF on Yom Kippur is a song sung while eating. The melody goes up to Shamayim in perfect harmony with the voices of people fasting, davening, not fasting, not davening, doing whatever they're meant to be doing. Wishing you gmar chasima tova!
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 10:02 am
The hardest part of not fasting is being out of step with the community. My relationship with Hashem is BH fine. I feel second class because I can't fast. I hated it when I could and did. Now I feel weak that I can't.
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keym




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 10:07 am
There's a famous story from the Brisker Rav (I believe) who needed to go to the hospital on Shabbos. His perspective was "don't look at it as being maikil on Shabbos, look at it as being machmir on Vchai Vahem- the mitzvah to live".
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amother




Lime
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 10:16 am
amother [ Lilac ] wrote:
The way I see it, Yiddishkeit is a personal thing. It’s our personal relationship with Hashem.

We have a basic blueprint to follow, but yet we still need to follow it in the personalized way that Hashem wants for us - which is why we have rabbonim. Hashem wants what He wants from you, because no one else can serve Him from your position. No one can take your place. This Yom Kippur, he doesn’t want you to fast because that’s not what He needs from you. You’d be mimicking someone else’s service and that wouldn’t be authentic.

Right now you’ve got it clear cut, this is the service Hashem is looking forward to from You - no one else can take your place.


This should be written up and given to every Rav who has congregants who cannot fast, so he can give it to them.


Just yesterday I was talking to my sister, who is B"H in remission, a year post-chemo. She's going to fast on Y"K this year (last year she didn't, though it took persuasion to get her to speak to the Rav who said no way), but was talking some sense into her not fasting today. Fasting lowers immunity, and hers is still not quite where it should be. I feel like this is what Hashem gave her, so he wants something different from her obviously...but she so badly wants to be like everyone else. I get so worried about her....
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 10:23 am
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
Maybe till chatzos? That’s pushing it.. you really have a lot to do today.
The only way I make it through the small fasts is by telling myself that if I need to eat, I really can. Somehow that helps me in my mind not to feel overwhelmed...

Mazel Tov!!! Continued nachas from your family! May Hashem give you strength to get through this hectic time and to be able to enjoy the simcha.


I'm not the best faster because I get dehydrated by later in the day so I have to take it hour by hour but amein to the brachas!
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Oct 02 2019, 3:11 pm
Ask your shaila. Some holld to eat the minimum and not too good, some do yt food.
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amother




Amaryllis
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 11:18 pm
This is an old post but I am going to be talking to my Rav today about whether I should fast or not. I think I am a borderline case. It's the type of thing that I think I can possibly push for whichever direction I prefer (I don't know this for sure, I just have a feeling that may happen) but I'm not sure what I prefer. Of course I want to fulfill the mitzvah of fasting but there is a real concern that it will be detrimental to my health.
I am afraid of "convincing" him that I shouldn't fast when in fact I may be perfectly able to do so.
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