Non-Jewish nanny | Imamother

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 11:44 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

I know many people who wouldn't trust their housekeeper with any jewelry. But they let them watch their kids.

It's very easy to bring jewelry to a pawn shop for some extra cash. Even someone who is generally a good person could have that temptation. OTOH almost no one is interested in getting involved in human trafficking.

allthingsblue

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 11:47 am

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

I hate when people give this analogy. It really doesn't make sense.

As an aside, I trust my housekeeper of 15 yrs with all my jewelry, but would not leave my child with her for 10 min.

Why doesn't it make sense?
If I wouldn't trust someone around my valuables, why would I trust them with my kids? It's not even about kidnapping, as another poster suggested. It's more about Doing one's utmost to keep the kids safe, even if an emergency takes place.

amother

Coffee

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 11:51 am

allthingsblue wrote:

They're just different things. I don't trust my husband with the safety of a sweater that says "gentle cycle only, then lay flat to dry."
But I would trust him to care for our kids or someone else's, even though kids require much more effort and their safety is much more important.

amother

Babypink

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 1:44 pm

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

Who said anything about human trafficking?
Swearing, telling the kids inappropriate things, showing them inappropriate pictures, feeding a young hungry child something not kosher when out alone with them - so many more things could happen.

amother

Sienna

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 2:02 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

If you wouldn't trust your diamond ring with him/her - why would you trust him/her with your kids?

....because it's way easier to pocket and pawn a diamond ring than it is a kid.

I never understood this argument.

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 2:05 pm

Totally understand you. When my oldest was born (16 years ago) it was totally out of the question. When 3rd was born, there was no way a [gentile] was coming into my house (no I do not have a cleaning lady), but I could no longer afford the frum babysitters. There was a non jewish daycare at work, which allowed me to nurse and work. Kasherus wasn't really an issue as my son was a baby and I was nursing and he had food allergies, so they weren't allowed to give him anything. Fast forward to my 5th. She was in a frum daycare (that hired non jews and frum staff). The daycare closed and I hired 3 different frum people who all quit before starting for various reasons. I was desperate. We ended up hiring one of the non jews who had worked in the frum daycare for 7 years prior to it closing. We also were hesitant, but knew her from before.

I do work from home a couple days a week. In addition, my 2 oldest boys are in a yeshiva a few blocks away and come in at random times to grab something or during their breaks. So there is someone watching too and she never knows when. That was really what made willing to take a [gentile].

So I would definitely prefer a frum or at least a jew watch my children. I really didn't have a choice. I have very rigid rules about food and use of my kitchen. In the end my daughter is loved, safe and happy.

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 2:11 pm

Thank you for your responses.

I want to clarify that it's my father's Rav who is adamantly opposed to non-Jewish caregiving. Yes, I'm talking about a nanny and not an occasional babysitter. The primary issue is all the gyrations and gymnastics I need to do to manage my kids' schedules, as well as all the days that my frum babysitter doesn't cover-particularly Fridays, when she works less than I do.

I will ask my own Rav, and he may well tell me that it's fine. But I have a hard time swallowing it.

When I was younger, my babysitter taught me Aleph Bais, brachos, and many other things in Yiddishkeit. It's difficult for me to contemplate putting my kids in the care of someone who doesn't at least hold of that as their foundation.

HonesttoGod

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:14 pm

Install cameras that record so you can look back on the day as well as current film.

Have strict rules regarding kitchen /cooking /food etc.

Employ from a trustworthy agency and interview and employ someone you feel you can Trust.

My experience this way with non Jewish nannies has been wayyyy better than with Jewish ones.

amother

Coffee

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When I was younger, my babysitter taught me Aleph Bais, brachos, and many other things in Yiddishkeit. It's difficult for me to contemplate putting my kids in the care of someone who doesn't at least hold of that as their foundation.

You could look for one who has previously nannied for a frum family or taught in a frum school. Such a person may be familiar with brachos and other concepts, even if they don't personally hold by them.

My children's non-Jewish general studies teacher has actually learned, among other things, to read Hebrew (phonetically, not for meaning) after her first couple of years at the school.

amother

Babypink

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:21 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

....because it's way easier to pocket and pawn a diamond ring than it is a kid.

I never understood this argument.

Again. Who said kidnapping? Maybe your son is really annoying and she hits him to shut him up? Maybe she is feeding them not kosher or just sitting and watching a inappropriate show and letting your child watch with her.

amother

Sienna

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:22 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Ok and what does that have to do with diamond jewelry exactly?

amother

Emerald

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It’s YOUR job to teach your children Alef bais, brachos as well as the values and morals you hold dear. I think the reason you oppose non jewish caretakers is because you’re giving them too much authority. You raise your children, not your nanny

amother

Babypink

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:23 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

Ok and what does that have to do with diamond jewelry exactly?

If you wouldn't trust her to not take your jewelry how would it make sense to trust her to not abuse your child or do things to him or with you you disagree with?

amother

Taupe

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:41 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

If you wouldn't trust her to not take your jewelry how would it make sense to trust her to not abuse your child or do things to him or with you you disagree with?

its a false comparison.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:43 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

And what does that have to to do with jewelry?

mommy3b2c

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:45 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

If you wouldn't trust your diamond ring with him/her - why would you trust him/her with your kids?

Agree. Accept that I trust my nanny with my diamond ring. And that’s why I trust her with my kids.

amother

Sienna

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:45 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

If you wouldn't trust her to not take your jewelry how would it make sense to trust her to not abuse your child or do things to him or with you you disagree with?

There's still absolutely no connection.
I dont hide my jewelry when my 3 year old is around. I also don't let him babysit my newborn.
I trust my nanny around my jewelry because I know she wont steal it. I trust her around my kids because I know she wont abuse them. I trust her to take out the garbage because I know she knows where to take it to. I trust her to do my laundry because I know she wont desteoy my clothes. Nothing to do with each other. Completely different reasons of why I trust her.
People who are abusive won't necessarily steal, and people who steal aren't necessarily abusive. And if they will/are, then the correlation is very low (if any at all).

Simple1

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:45 pm

I wouldn't trust them with kashrus. Ever since subbing in a few day cares not long ago, I see even very good caregivers "cheat" and occasionally give things to the kids/babies against the parents wishes when a kid is really giving a hard time. Things they assume are no big deal, like giving a pacifier not at naptime, sharing from someone else's snack, feeding a bottle on demand (not on Mom's strict schedule) etc.

Therefore I'd only hire a nanny that internally knows that kashrus is a big deal.

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:27 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

My point was not that I don't want to teach these things to my kids! Of course I will!!

My point was that I want the nanny to uphold the values that I hold sacred. Yes, I am raising my kids, but while working full-time, the nanny is with them for many, many hours of the day.