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Non-Jewish nanny
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 3:33 pm
An a lot depends on your definition of "nanny." I had a wonderful nonjewish babysitter a several half days a week (and later, after dd started school, for for date nights) and I can not imagine a better person. She was also extremely respectful of our value system, even beyond what I expected.

I was just telling dd that when she was a year and a half old, I had the babysitter stay with her on rosh hashana so I could go to shul, but asked her to bring the baby for shofar. When she took the baby home she carried her and the stroller up 6 flights, because even though theoretically the baby was allowed to ride in the elevator with her, she felt it was not good educationally for her to do that. That was her impetus, not mine.

We are still in touch with her and I feel blessed to have had her taking care of my child.

That said, this wonderful woman was very very special and unique, and she worked less than half time, which means that I was with my daughter half time, teaching her things. I would not have even her fulltime.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 3:34 pm
PS I would trust her with my jewelry too! Wink
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 3:56 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My point was not that I don't want to teach these things to my kids! Of course I will!!

My point was that I want the nanny to uphold the values that I hold sacred. Yes, I am raising my kids, but while working full-time, the nanny is with them for many, many hours of the day.


You can ask a non-jewish nanny to do brachot with your child. She can also do Aleph Beit.

talk to the nanny about what else is important to you.
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 3:59 pm
How can I find one of these mythological Jewish nannies? My daughter is 3 we’ve been looking since before she was born to no avail. We have a non-Jewish nanny who is amazing but I’ve never had any luck finding Jewish ones. Do they only work in Brooklyn???
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:00 pm
amother [ Brunette ] wrote:
An a lot depends on your definition of "nanny." I had a wonderful nonjewish babysitter a several half days a week (and later, after dd started school, for for date nights) and I can not imagine a better person. She was also extremely respectful of our value system, even beyond what I expected.

I as just telling dd that when she was a year and a half old, I had the babysitter stay with her on rosh hashana so I could go to shul, but asked her to bring the baby for shofar. When she took the baby home she carried her and the stroller up 6 flights, because even though theoretically the baby was allowed to ride in the elevator with her, she felt it was not good educationally for her to do that. That was her impetus, not mine.

We are still in touch with her and I feel blessed to have had her taking care of my child.

That said, this wonderful woman was very very special and unique, and she worked less than half time, which means that I was with my daughter half time, teaching her things. I would not have even her fulltime.


This sounds like an exceptional woman, period. If I had someone like that, maybe I'd be less hesitant.

But people like that are diamonds in the rough.

Also, I'm a young mother and BE'H hope to have more children in the future. It's one thing if I needed someone for a few hours in the afternoon before I get home. But as a full-time babysitter in my house? It makes me really uncomfortable.

I'm hoping to switch my career at some point to something that allows me to work remotely and gives me more flexibility. If that happens, then I can send out to a frum babysitter and fill in the gaps myself when necessary. For now, though, I'm pretty stuck, and every day seems to bring another "situation"...
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:03 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This sounds like an exceptional woman, period. If I had someone like that, maybe I'd be less hesitant.

But people like that are diamonds in the rough.

Also, I'm a young mother and BE'H hope to have more children in the future. It's one thing if I needed someone for a few hours in the afternoon before I get home. But as a full-time babysitter in my house? It makes me really uncomfortable.

I'm hoping to switch my career at some point to something that allows me to work remotely and gives me more flexibility. If that happens, then I can send out to a frum babysitter and fill in the gaps myself when necessary. For now, though, I'm pretty stuck, and every day seems to bring another "situation"...


No Jewish daycare?
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:28 pm
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
No Jewish daycare?


Not with the location, hours, days, and transitions that I need.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:36 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This sounds like an exceptional woman, period. If I had someone like that, maybe I'd be less hesitant.

But people like that are diamonds in the rough.

Also, I'm a young mother and BE'H hope to have more children in the future. It's one thing if I needed someone for a few hours in the afternoon before I get home. But as a full-time babysitter in my house? It makes me really uncomfortable.

I'm hoping to switch my career at some point to something that allows me to work remotely and gives me more flexibility. If that happens, then I can send out to a frum babysitter and fill in the gaps myself when necessary. For now, though, I'm pretty stuck, and every day seems to bring another "situation"...


I'm not sure why you think it's so rare? I've had three nannies like that. There are some truly wonderful people out there, and I thank Hashem for leading me to them.
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My father's Rav is extremely against having non-Jewish nannies. I was brought up with that perspective and in my mind, it's a big no-no.

Recently, I've been running into more and more situations where I can't get a babysitter, and I'm reconsidering my staunch opposition from a practical viewpoint.

However, it's still hard for me to contemplate placing my children in the care of non-Jewish caregivers. It's not a trust issue. It's a hashkafic issue.

Please don't bash. I will most likely discuss this with a Rav, but I wanted to hear polite, respectful thoughts.


If you believe Hashem runs the world, and therefore you also believe in Daat Torah, why would you think you have anything to gain by going against the rabbi and have a non Jewish nanny take care of your kids? I was told the same thing and a,so that kids who were taken care of by non jew many times it stays in their subconscious and later in life they are more likely to marry a non Jew. I heard this from a well respected frum therapist and he knows specific cases, why would you take a chance with the most previous gifts Hashem gave you, your kids,
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:47 pm
hodeez wrote:
I have he same issue as you and have BH been placing my children in Jewish care.


Someone saw a non jewish nanny feeding a frum child not kosher pizza. How would the mother ever know?
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:48 pm
Ravenclaw wrote:
Who says I don’t trust nonjews with my diamond ring?

That’s presumptuous.


Well if you do then you’re plain Foolish. You’ll leave your engagement ring out on the table and leave the house when you have a non jewish worker in the house?
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:49 pm
amother [ White ] wrote:
If you believe Hashem runs the world, and therefore you also believe in Daat Torah, why would you think you have anything to gain by going against the rabbi and have a non Jewish nanny take care of your kids? I was told the same thing and a,so that kids who were taken care of by non jew many times it stays in their subconscious and later in life they are more likely to marry a non Jew. I heard this from a well respected frum therapist and he knows specific cases, why would you take a chance with the most previous gifts Hashem gave you, your kids,


Regular frum people don't just go and marry non Jews. Why on Earth would he attribute someone marrying out to the caregiver being not Jewish?
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:50 pm
amother [ Azure ] wrote:
I hate when people give this analogy. It really doesn't make sense.

As an aside, I trust my housekeeper of 15 yrs with all my jewelry, but would not leave my child with her for 10 min.


Don’t trust your housekeeper either. My sister had one for many years and trusted her and then one day she caught her with her hand in my sister’s pocketbook. Don’t trust any worker with your valuables.
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:52 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you for your responses.

I want to clarify that it's my father's Rav who is adamantly opposed to non-Jewish caregiving. Yes, I'm talking about a nanny and not an occasional babysitter. The primary issue is all the gyrations and gymnastics I need to do to manage my kids' schedules, as well as all the days that my frum babysitter doesn't cover-particularly Fridays, when she works less than I do.

I will ask my own Rav, and he may well tell me that it's fine. But I have a hard time swallowing it.

When I was younger, my babysitter taught me Aleph Bais, brachos, and many other things in Yiddishkeit. It's difficult for me to contemplate putting my kids in the care of someone who doesn't at least hold of that as their foundation.


Follow your gut instinct then. In your heart you know it’s wrong
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amother
Puce


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 7:01 pm
So when you say a Jewish babysitter vs a non-Jewish one, do you really mean a frum woman of the same hashkafah?

Because I had a non-frum Jewish nanny for awhile. I had to pay her a bit more, and she wasn't dressed the way I would have liked, but she was Israeli and said beautiful brachos with my kids and helped teach aleph beis. And you never know what kinds of things anyone is telling your kids. In some ways, it's easier when it's a non-Jew; you can make clearer distinctions that way.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 7:48 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
I'm not sure why you think it's so rare? I've had three nannies like that. There are some truly wonderful people out there, and I thank Hashem for leading me to them.


Sorry floralwhite, but it IS rare. You and I were apoarently exceptionally lucky. And I thank Hashes for it even now, when my kids are grown up. My friends have dealt with all kinds of issues. The same year that my babysitter walked up 6 flights with my baby rather than have her on an elevator on yom tov, someone in my shul got home on the break on yom kippur to find her school aged kids watching a video. On yom kippur. It's finding a genuinely decent, kind respectful person and that's mazal.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:07 pm
amother [ Brunette ] wrote:
Sorry floralwhite, but it IS rare. You and I were apoarently exceptionally lucky. And I thank Hashes for it even now, when my kids are grown up. My friends have dealt with all kinds of issues. The same year that my babysitter walked up 6 flights with my baby rather than have her on an elevator on yom tov, someone in my shul got home on the break on yom kippur to find her school aged kids watching a video. On yom kippur. It's finding a genuinely decent, kind respectful person and that's mazal.


School age kids should know better. I don’t fault the non jewish nanny. Parents have to teach the school age kids what proper YK/Shabbos/YT decorum is. There’s no way the nanny could know.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:19 pm
amother [ White ] wrote:
Well if you do then you’re plain Foolish. You’ll leave your engagement ring out on the table and leave the house when you have a non jewish worker in the house?


Not with a random worker, but with any of my workers that I trust. Why not?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:21 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
School age kids should know better. I don’t fault the non jewish nanny. Parents have to teach the school age kids what proper YK/Shabbos/YT decorum is. There’s no way the nanny could know.


This. My trusted nanny/housekeeper once gave my toddler crayons on Yom Kippur. I gently told her that’s not allowed so she wouldn’t feel embarrassed. I didn’t blame her, she just didn’t know. Now she knows.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:32 pm
Not all non Jews are the same. There are people of all religions and backgrounds. Is there a background you feel more comfortable with? Someone who is very religious Christian? Or Muslim? Or secular t? Or a non frum Jew? Or someone who has worked with frum families before?

I hired someone who is religious and seems to really be Gdfearing and honest and has worked with other frum families


Last edited by tichellady on Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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