Non-Jewish nanny | Imamother

amother

Emerald

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 11:32 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

This. My trusted nanny/housekeeper once gave my toddler crayons on Yom Kippur. I gently told her that’s not allowed so she wouldn’t feel embarrassed. I didn’t blame her, she just didn’t know. Now she knows.

Specially because YK doesn’t often fall on a Saturday. So even if you teach the nanny that on saturdays we don’t watch tv/color/etc, how are they to know it’s also not allowed on a Wednesday in October.

amother

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 12:59 am

amother [ White ] wrote:

If you believe Hashem runs the world, and therefore you also believe in Daat Torah, why would you think you have anything to gain by going against the rabbi and have a non Jewish nanny take care of your kids? I was told the same thing and a,so that kids who were taken care of by non jew many times it stays in their subconscious and later in life they are more likely to marry a non Jew. I heard this from a well respected frum therapist and he knows specific cases, why would you take a chance with the most previous gifts Hashem gave you, your kids,

Because he is not my Rav. He taught my father this many times in a shiur, but my father never asked him a personal shaila about it-as it wasn't nogeia. This Rav never told me this. He taught my father many things. I am not my father, though.

I have my own Rav who I'd ask this kind of question. I'd actually be interested to hear what his response would be, since I don't think it's so clear-cut.

My gut feeling tells me that it's not right, but do I always use my gut feelings when evaluating proper hashkafa?

amother

Taupe

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 1:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

There is often a 'best case' and a 'best we can do' with the situation being what it is.

amother

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 7:22 am

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

There is often a 'best case' and a 'best we can do' with the situation being what it is.

Yes, which is why I am going to ask a Rav. This is one of the things I like about him - he's extremely practical and usually answers my questions with the 'best we can do' scenario.

I'm not at that point right now, but I might be in a few months from now. I'll ask. I just wanted to hear people's perspectives.

Instead, I got a thread mostly arguing about whether or not the 'would you trust her with your diamond ring' analogy fits Wink

mommy3b2c

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 7:27 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

I know shomrim of bp has had many calls where trusted longtime housekeepers took jewelry/large sums of cash....

Hurray for shomrim.

Besides, I’m sure many of those calls are people who BLAMED the housekeeper. How many of them actually have proof?

I’m actually, missing two pieces of diamond jewelry. I can blame my housekeeper and call Shomrim too if I want to. I have no reason to suspect her though.

amother

Brown

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 7:30 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

They have found the jewelry many times hidden in odd places to be retrieved when the hype is over. It happens often enough that they have a list of places to check. (Like in the toilet tank)
Sorry op for sidetracking

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 7:47 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

The housekeeper steals something and instead of bringing it home she hides it in a toilet tank and leaves it there long enough for the owner to realize it's gone?

allthingsblue

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 7:58 am

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

They're just different things. I don't trust my husband with the safety of a sweater that says "gentle cycle only, then lay flat to dry."
But I would trust him to care for our kids or someone else's, even though kids require much more effort and their safety is much more important.

That's different. You're worried about your husband making a mistake, not purposely ruining your clothing.
And obviously your husband is different... their his kids too...

If I think someone might steal, I would never trust them with the wellbeing of my kids. I would never trust them to make proper decisions should the need arise.
(I am not saying I don't trust all non Jews. I am saying that if I don't trust someone, Jew or non Jew, there's no way I'd leave them with my kids.)

1091

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 8:03 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hi OP

Forgive me if I’m being redundant. I read the start of the thread, got lost in the diamond ring discussions and put it down but now I’m back.

My nanny has been with us for 17 years. Before that she did elder care for my mother in law. No she is not Jewish and it wouldn’t be something I’d ask my rabbi about. What she is though is loving and treats my kids like they were hers.

There are halachot to consider like cooking but she knows what we consider important and is careful there. We don’t let her bring in food. We supply her with everything she needs to eat including her own pots because for bushel akum purposes she can’t use ours even if what she is cooking is kosher.

Yes she lets them bring food into their room. Yes they see her reading her bible and talking to her church friends. No she doesn’t listen to anything inappropriate in front of them. And yes she knows what would be inappropriate.

And as for my diamond, yes, I’ve asked her to put it away when I forget it at home. But even though I trust her with my diamond, I only trust her with my little people because she is a very special woman who has become part of our family.

I’m sure people will take exception to what I wrote. I won’t be responding. Gmar Tov.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 8:15 am

In Israel, most of the elderly people here have home help care who are Filipina. These people have great respect, and learn all the halachot in full detail. I would absolutely trust them. If they are vetted, and good to work with frail elderly people, then they should be good with kids, too.

I think your best bet would be to find an empty nester from your community, and see if they are willing to give you hours. I do part time nanny work, and it makes me feel so good to be around a little one again.

As far as Shabbos and YT goes, ask what your neighbors do. Maybe you could arrange a chug, and split the costs.

amother

Brown

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 8:58 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

The housekeeper steals something and instead of bringing it home she hides it in a toilet tank and leaves it there long enough for the owner to realize it's gone?

Yes like this if the cops are called they can be checked and nothing will be found on them and then in 2 weeks they’ll take it and no one is checking them then.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 9:00 am

1091 wrote:

Well said!

amother

Taupe

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 10:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The great thing about being a parent is you can decide what to do.

I random person on the internet can assure you that there are many wonderfully frum adults who were under the care of non-jewish nannies at time in their life - but if it just doesn't sit well with you don't go that route (yes there are risks)... you can just say 'not for me'.. and figure out something else.

amother

Sun, Oct 06 2019, 12:58 am

Amalia wrote:

Dear OP,

In your posts, you mentioned your father’s Rav and your own. Does not your husband come in to this discussion, with his opinion, and that of the Rav that he listens to?

It's the kind of thing that I have a stronger opinion/feeling about than my DH does. I will call the Rav with whom we usually discuss these things.

nchr

Sun, Oct 06 2019, 9:19 am

I personally prefer non Jewish help because in my experience as an American it is easier to find someone who genuinely cares about your children and is thankful to be given the job. Jewish women don't want to be nannies, live ins, etc. unless they have other special circumstances. My nanny is so thankful for the money, so gracious, has exceptional middos and loves children.