My job is taking over my life

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 3:24 pm

Like everyone else in the working world, we need my salary.

To make a long story short, I'm making more than ever, but still way under other people in the corporate team I'm on. I recently got a raise that didn't quite get me as much as others, but I understand it's because I don't have my masters and the others do. Anyway. So there's that little niggling thing bothering me. And it seems that ever since I got the raise, they've been more demanding of me and my time.

Anyway, my job is growing in responsibilities, and I find myself travelling and travelling all the time. Because of the travelling, I actually have more flexibility. I.e. I don't have to work out of an office, and on Fridays or erev Yom Tov I can work from home.

My boss just asked me to make three separate trips this month, I'm out of PTO thanks to all this yom tov and children home in the summer, and I literally don't know how I'm cooking for the billions of people coming for Succos (my family. I host). They still think I'm going to be working on chol hamoed and I can't bring myself to tell them that I'll be working from home.

For Succos, I only managed to put aside a few items in the freezer - not nearly enough. And all the time I thought I might have to put away more is now gone thanks to all the travelling.

I'm so stressed out. I just don't know how I can manage this job, and it's only getting more intense from here. Thanks for listening.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:36 pm

I know someone who hosts her extended family for Succos, which adds up to more than 30 people. They've been doing this for years and have it down to a science already. Each family is responsible for a meal. They use a Google doc to plan everything so that they don't duplicate too much. They bring all the food in standard size foil pans for easy stacking and everything gets labeled on top and in front so it's easy to find in the fridge. For all I know they color code the labels by meal. This way everyone participates and it's not too much work for any one family.

Could you explain to your family that you're just too busy to host unless they all pitch in? And if they're traveling from too far away to bring food, then can you ask them to buy takeout locally to help out instead?

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 4:58 pm

You guys! Thanks so much! I'm literally sitting here in a meeting pretending to type notes and actually reading your responses! Ha!

First of all, my family all comes in from out of town. This is one of two times we are all together, and some of my siblings won't even be here. I can't travel anywhere so they come to me. I don't want to give up hosting because my family is so far away from me and I look forward to this all year! I can't really ask them to bring stuff. They do and can help me in the kitchen but there's only so many cooks my tiny kitchen can handle at one time, and I'm the only one who knows where everything is, etc.

In addition, this year I've actually had some of my "regulars" ask if they could come to meals for Succos. They need meals for a variety of reasons, and it's true hachnosas orchim, not just guests I'm interested in impressing or we have for fun, etc. Not that they aren't fun - I love each and every one of them! I'm so happy they felt they could ask me to come!!!! I can't turn them away. But I'm stressed because it's a lot of people for a lot of meals.

As for cleaning help, I'm super super lucky in that regard. I do have full time cleaning help, thanks to my demanding job and hours - someone needs to get my kids off the bus! She also warms up dinner, etc, though she can't cook for the life of her.

I thought about hiring a chef - I wish! Money is extra tight this year. My husband just told me that his business is actually losing tons of money. He tried to spared me for as long as possible about it, and we are davening, but I don't want to add to his burden. Baruch Hashem we are afloat for now.

I feel stupid davening that my job should pay me more and make me work less, but that's seriously what I need right now. I know that I should give up things like shabbos company, but I'm a very very social person and I found that without guests, my life just felt empty and unsatisfying. I make it happen somehow - I'm usually very regimented and I can stay up late and make my simple meals. I'm not fancy at all. But yom tov always throws me for a loop because there's literally no way I can prepare EIGHT meals (let's not even talk about second days yet because I'm pretending I'm cooking on chol hamoed for those) after Rosh Hashana.

amother

Jade

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:10 pm

Is takeout more affordable? Or even just doing one Sunday cooking merathon.

My mother has full time help and cooks for a big crowd on yt itself - there’s someone to do the dishes and peeling etc. she wakes up early and we do setting and serving.

She makes fish. salads. Schnitzel. Meatsauce Easy soups and roasted veggies/ green beans.

Roasts and challah is the only thing she’ll freeze ahead.

I sometimes bake a few batches of cookies.

We are bh never lacking. Pare down your recipes and go back to the basics then u wort need to prep so much ahead...

amother

Emerald

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:28 pm

So if your family can't cook and bring food can they buy takeout once they get to you or contribute $$ so that you can either buy takeout yourself or hire more help or save time by buying conveniences like already cleaned chicken or prechopped veggies?

Can your cleaning help be trusted to do prep work for you so that all you have to do is combine ingredients and season to your taste and pop things in the oven? Do you have children old enough to cook or bake so you can delagate some things to them? What about DH? Can you cook things overnight in a crockpot and freeze so you build up a stock of food in your freezer without having to wait up late for things to be done?

egam

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:35 pm

I'm in a very similar situation. Except I'm taking all chol hamoed off.
I'm going to cook on Yom Tov. I don't have any other choice. I will start on motzei Shabbos and have a cooking marathon on Sunday with the goal of finishing and prepping anything that needs appliances or can't be done halahikly on Yom Tov. A lot of dishes taste much better fresh anyway. I even leave some dessert backing for Yom Tov, if that dessert is better served warm, like apple strudel or upside-down pear honey cake. If I have time, I pre-measure dry ingredients in a ziplock bag.

ETA. I do not have a cleaning help or money to hire anyone to cook or clean. But I still deserve to have guests, even if I work more than full time. I can't imagine a yom tov without them.

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:48 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

You know what? You're right. I usually try to make it to shul on Yom Tov, but maybe that's the thing that has to go this year. Setting and serving is easy - I have my kids help.

I feel a bit better. Schnitzel it is!!

amother

Jade

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So happy my post was helpful I felt silly replying because I’m not at that stage yet. But truly my mother is an awesome host and everyone loves the schnitzel meals. It’s usally for daytime- kids and adults love it! She makes rice and either grilled pepper or broccoli, a lettuce salad. We have it pesach for one or two daytime meals as well.

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:54 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Good idea about the crockpot. I think someone once told me about cooking down like twenty onions in a crockpot overnight so that there's a whole ton of ready-made sauteed onions for all the food.

I totally do delegate to my kids. I have two teens that cook, not particularly well, but I can ask them to do simple things. It's kinda what I've been counting on, but I feel guilty about that. I guess I won't! DH works a million times harder than I do, which is saying something! I just want him to rest and relax (he won't) rather than give him more stuff to do. Sometimes I make him do morning kid-prep for school because I have to do errands instead.

I can freeze chicken soup, but I find that the carrots get that weird texture when I do. I have two other soups frozen already. I have a meat and a chicken, and a dessert and a side, and that's it. For eight meals! I have to make challah this week - that's the plan.

Takeout is so expensive. My family does give me a little money toward the chag, so I'm not going to stress about the food (my grocery bills are recently insane), but I won't throw away money on food that's not particularly good.

Everyone, thank you so much for responding. Really. I'm still stuck at work!

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:56 pm

egam wrote:

I think I might call in sick on chol hamoed. Isn't it said somewhere that money made on those days you lose anyway? That's my justification.

I want to stand up and applaud for you. You don't have cleaning help, and you want guests. Hashem should smile down on you and send you everything you need and more! You're my hero!!!! (heroine?)

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:39 pm

Cooking in a crockpot overnight is a huge help to me. With all of these meals coming up, it's worth it to buy a second crockpot. You can put up soup and meatballs or sweet and sour chicken overnight and freeze them.

I make soup and matzo balls way in advance. I don't love wasting the vegetables from the soup, so if I can I serve them as the vegetable with dinner the night that I made the soup. Then, when I serve the soup I re-heat it with a few fresh carrots thrown in and that's it.

You can cook mushrooms and onions in a crockpot and freeze in bags, and then use with orzo or borekas, or whatever.

Some other things I do to make things more quickly/easily:

I form meatballs and freeze them raw and in no sauce. Defrost overnight in the fridge and then add sauce (from a jar is fine!) and bake. They're fresh, but you're not mixing, rolling and washing bowls.

I brown ground beef or turkey in bulk and freeze it in ziplocs. You can also warm that with sauce and serve it "fresh." Or, you can make it into tacos or taco salad, or eggrolls, or borkeas, or whatever, with half of the work already done.

I buy cartons of eggs. for some reason I find this a real time and mess saver, plus it takes up a lot less space in the fridge than actual eggs and you don't have to worry about them breaking if you put them wrong thing on top of them.

I bake rice and quinoa rather than cook them on the stove. I literally dump int he grain, a spoonful of oil, and the water (boil it so it's very hot), cover tightly and bake. I bake it in an oven-to-table dish when I can so it's saving me time washing pots, etc, plus I don't need to worry about it boiling over.

I make crumbs for cobbler in advance and freeze them. Dump frozen fruit in a pan, put the crumbs on, and bake.

As you can see, a lot of this has to do with getting prep work done early but still having "fresh" food.

amother

Wine

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 1:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

.
I can freeze chicken soup, but I find that the carrots get that weird texture when I do. I have two other soups frozen already. I have a meat and a chicken, and a dessert and a side, and that's it. For eight meals! I have to make challah this week - that's the plan.

I freeze soup without any vegetables. If I have time I will peel and cut a couple of carrots and celery into the soup when rewarming. Otherwise it's just broth and croutons. Sometimes kneidlach.