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I don’t manage life

 
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:05 pm
So I’m reading all these threads about people hosting 30+ guests and I literally cannot fathom how you do it. I hosted one small family on Rosh Hashana for one meal, and I was so so overwhelmed. How do you all manage so much better than I?
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amother




Aqua


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:09 pm
Firstly the people I know who host often have lots of help. Also it’s easier to host many people than one small family. In my opinion. Once your cooking it’s easier to cook for more people
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mig100




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:10 pm
It's not a competition. Ur post seems to be a far cry from us title

If ur feelings r genuine I'd suggest it's time to take a break from imamother
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:11 pm
mig100 wrote:
It's not a competition. Ur post seems to be a far cry from us title

If ur feelings r genuine I'd suggest it's time to take a break from imamother

Haha no, I don’t manage life in general.

This is just one example.
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:20 pm
I know the feeling. I haven't had nonfamily company in years because I just can't manage it. I cook down to the wire every Friday and I'm only making a simple Shabbos for my own small family. When we do have relatives over I do somehow get food on the table but only with a lot of help. Even then, we're talking about 6 more people to feed per meal, not a whole crowd. I'm a SAHM, so I don't even have the excuse that I'm busy with work. I'm just very disorganized, a procrastinator, and very low energy.
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oneofakind




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:25 pm
In addition to having lots of energy &/or lots of help and time, the more experience you have, the easier it is.
If you are sleep deprived, none of these factors help.
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amother




Mustard


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:39 pm
I heard such a good speech on judging people favorably. Part of the point of the speech was how different people have different strengths and how can you judge others when things that are hard for u are easy for them and vice versa. Im not repeating it well but it really drove thr point home. Dont compare! People can host easily for a variety of reasons. Good at advance prep, very fast in thr kitchen, dont work or work part time, have a lot of help (cleaning or lots of family around) kids are super well behaved. Either way they are lacking in areas you arent. You just cant see that...
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 5:42 pm
Define “managing life”.
Are your children neglected? Do they go to school dirty and barefoot or not at all?
Do they have to scrounge around for food while you’re holed up in your room for days at a time hiding from voices in your head?
Have the neighbors called child welfare services?
Do bills go unpaid until the companies threaten to cut off service?
Do you clean for Pesach the following Shavuos?
Do you forget to turn the heat on when the weather gets cold?
Do you finish cooking for Shabbos two hours after candle lighting time?
Do you go shopping in a torn housecoat and bedroom slippers without your wallet? Do you wonder why you’re there when you get there? Do you always buy either twice as much or half of what you need but never the right amount?
Do you put pots on the stove and forget to turn on the flame? Do you turn on the flame and then leave the house?
Do you drop your kids off at friends or school and forget to pick them up?
Are you a hoarder? Is your house so full of junk you’re ashamed to have anyone over?
Do you and your family including dh get along most of the time?
Do you have friends?
Do you lie to cover up the truth about your life?
Do you turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling or self-harm to numb the pain of your existence?

Or are you just an adequate person muddling through well enough, let’s say a “C” student with Martha Stewart being an A and the show Hoarders being an F, who has swallowed the idea that Instagram is real life and anyone not on that level isn’t managing?
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amother




Lavender


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:02 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So I’m reading all these threads about people hosting 30+ guests and I literally cannot fathom how you do it. I hosted one small family on Rosh Hashana for one meal, and I was so so overwhelmed. How do you all manage so much better than I?


Question: How old are you? Things get easier the longer you do them. Shabbos prep used to take me all day in my 20s. As I got older, I can get it down to two hours, max.
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tichellady




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:14 pm
Most people can’t host 30 people a meal without being very stressed. You are normal. There are lots of things between managing life and hosting big yomtov meals
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amother




Khaki


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 6:27 pm
I hosted a crowd on a regular basis for over 10 years. Lately I can barely function if I have 2 guests for a meal! I’m not sure what happened to me but I guess its burn out. I really get so stressed and overwhelmed and I’m not pleasant to be around. I don’t know how I managed all the years that I had lots of people all the time.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 7:30 pm
I wasn't overwhelmed from prepping rosh hashanah (no guests), but I was (am!) very very tired.
I find it very taxing to host (other than a single guest, such as a sister or brother, or single friend).

Linen, guest room, or even just meals for eating and making sure my kids don't wreck the house before guests arrive, plus parenting while serving and cleaning... it's super tiring and overwhelming, so I don't do it.

The people I know who do it have a combination of:
Older children who help
Lots of $ for household help
Stay at home moms who have more time
Super simple standards in terms of cooking and housekeeping
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amother




Magenta


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 7:34 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
I wasn't overwhelmed from prepping rosh hashanah (no guests), but I was (am!) very very tired.
I find it very taxing to host (other than a single guest, such as a sister or brother, or single friend).

Linen, guest room, or even just meals for eating and making sure my kids don't wreck the house before guests arrive, plus parenting while serving and cleaning... it's super tiring and overwhelming, so I don't do it.

The people I know who do it have a combination of:
Older children who help
Lots of $ for household help
Stay at home moms who have more time
Super simple standards in terms of cooking and housekeeping


Let me add:
- ample freezer space
- enough money to pay for all the extra food
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:25 pm
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
Let me add:
- ample freezer space
- enough money to pay for all the extra food


And very likely a high level of energy and a personality that enjoys that sort of thing. Not everyone does. Work is easier when you enjoy it.
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:29 pm
Just because you read on here that someone that you don't even know made Yom tov for 30 friends doesn't mean that it actually happened!
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rainbow dash




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:30 pm
zaq wrote:
Define “managing life”.
Are your children neglected? Do they go to school dirty and barefoot or not at all?
Do they have to scrounge around for food while you’re holed up in your room for days at a time hiding from voices in your head?
Have the neighbors called child welfare services?
Do bills go unpaid until the companies threaten to cut off service?
Do you clean for Pesach the following Shavuos?
Do you forget to turn the heat on when the weather gets cold?
Do you finish cooking for Shabbos two hours after candle lighting time?
Do you go shopping in a torn housecoat and bedroom slippers without your wallet? Do you wonder why you’re there when you get there? Do you always buy either twice as much or half of what you need but never the right amount?
Do you put pots on the stove and forget to turn on the flame? Do you turn on the flame and then leave the house?
Do you drop your kids off at friends or school and forget to pick them up?
Are you a hoarder? Is your house so full of junk you’re ashamed to have anyone over?
Do you and your family including dh get along most of the time?
Do you have friends?
Do you lie to cover up the truth about your life?
Do you turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling or self-harm to numb the pain of your existence?

Or are you just an adequate person muddling through well enough, let’s say a “C” student with Martha Stewart being an A and the show Hoarders being an F, who has swallowed the idea that Instagram is real life and anyone not on that level isn’t managing?


I cant like This post enough
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:40 pm
zaq wrote:
Define “managing life”.
Are your children neglected? Do they go to school dirty and barefoot or not at all?
Do they have to scrounge around for food while you’re holed up in your room for days at a time hiding from voices in your head?
Have the neighbors called child welfare services?
Do bills go unpaid until the companies threaten to cut off service?
Do you clean for Pesach the following Shavuos?
Do you forget to turn the heat on when the weather gets cold?
Do you finish cooking for Shabbos two hours after candle lighting time?
Do you go shopping in a torn housecoat and bedroom slippers without your wallet? Do you wonder why you’re there when you get there? Do you always buy either twice as much or half of what you need but never the right amount?
Do you put pots on the stove and forget to turn on the flame? Do you turn on the flame and then leave the house?
Do you drop your kids off at friends or school and forget to pick them up?
Are you a hoarder? Is your house so full of junk you’re ashamed to have anyone over?
Do you and your family including dh get along most of the time?
Do you have friends?
Do you lie to cover up the truth about your life?
Do you turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling or self-harm to numb the pain of your existence?

Or are you just an adequate person muddling through well enough, let’s say a “C” student with Martha Stewart being an A and the show Hoarders being an F, who has swallowed the idea that Instagram is real life and anyone not on that level isn’t managing?


Thank you for this post.

I, too, sometimes feel like I'm not managing. Truthfully, I am managing, though I'm often pulling through with bare basics. I always wonder how other people manage - but many are probably in the same boat. Or they work less hours, etc. I have to learn to be proud of all the things I did accomplish.
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