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Lonely on yom tov
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 5:00 pm
It’s a long story but no one invites us anymore and I don’t have anyone to invite. I’m so humiliated for my kids sake.
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 5:13 pm
Why humiliated? Few people can really accommodate entire families. For goodness’ sake, at a certain point, if one is blessed, one can’t accommodate one’s own children’s families (at which point it is to be hoped THEY start inviting YOU).
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 5:17 pm
What do you mean you have no one to invite? Beyond doubt there are in your community at least one or two singles or couples, young or old, or maybe even families, who would be very happy if you invited them. Ask your rabbi or shul administrator or chessed organizer if you don’t know any such people personally.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 5:18 pm
zaq wrote:
Why humiliated? Few people can really accommodate entire families. For goodness’ sake, at a certain point, if one is blessed, one can’t accommodate one’s own children’s families (at which point it is to be hoped THEY start inviting YOU).

We are bt and our children are not married
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 5:24 pm
It’s a very small community and people are inviting friends
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sarahmalka




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 5:26 pm
Can you invite other BT or people just starting on that path? Or one of your children's friend's families?
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 5:34 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
We are bt and our children are not married
so?
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cbg




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 5:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It’s a long story but no one invites us anymore and I don’t have anyone to invite. I’m so humiliated for my kids sake.


Op where do you live
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talented




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 6:04 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It’s a long story but no one invites us anymore and I don’t have anyone to invite. I’m so humiliated for my kids sake.


In my world hardly anyone invites or gets invited. I just spent 3 of the 4 Rosh Hashana meals alone with my husband. B"h..
Unless there are other issues involved, embrace the beauty of your family.
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chayamo




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 6:07 pm
We rarely ate out growing up, we were perfectly happy to eat as a family. We loved and appreciated being together on yt. Most important is that your kids will reflect whatever you project.
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amother




Black


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 6:09 pm
I actually prefer to eat at home with just my dh and kids. My kids do as well. However, I do understand feeling lonely if lots of people invite and host and you can't.
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amother




Brunette


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 6:10 pm
OP, we're never invited out and same goes for many families. It's a normal thing.
Is it the norm in your community to get invited out every yom tov?
Make yom tov special and exciting at home.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 6:14 pm
amother [ Brunette ] wrote:
OP, we're never invited out and same goes for many families. It's a normal thing.
Is it the norm in your community to get invited out every yom tov?
Make yom tov special and exciting at home.

Yes it’s normal to get invitations and invite in our community. I wish it wasn’t. We have teens and not many children.
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amother




Bisque


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 6:37 pm
My ffb friend is anti social. Her bt husband is extremely quiet.
They prefer to sit home alone all the time.
My friend goes out of her way to make things special for her children since they’ve decided to always be alone.
She decorates the dining room according to the yomtov, buys special things and in the afternoon kids have friends.
Personally, I don’t have people over- hardly ever, because I find the work just too hard. We almost never go out or away for shabbos...
Oh well, ... bh I’m married with a family and we have what we need
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amother




Bisque


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 6:45 pm
Op, why do you think people stopped inviting you?
Why are people not coming to you?
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 7:35 pm
amother [ Bisque ] wrote:
Op, why do you think people stopped inviting you?
Why are people not coming to you?

It’s s long story but we have a nice family
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 7:36 pm
amother [ Bisque ] wrote:
My ffb friend is anti social. Her bt husband is extremely quiet.
They prefer to sit home alone all the time.
My friend goes out of her way to make things special for her children since they’ve decided to always be alone.
She decorates the dining room according to the yomtov, buys special things and in the afternoon kids have friends.
Personally, I don’t have people over- hardly ever, because I find the work just too hard. We almost never go out or away for shabbos...
Oh well, ... bh I’m married with a family and we have what we need

Do your children complain about it?
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amother




Scarlet


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 8:15 pm
Can you plan a Simchat Bet Hashoeva party
Or start a sukkah hop.
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amother




Babypink


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 8:16 pm
I really understand. We used to be invited out more. There’s no reason we don’t get invited often (we have Bh a large family ) but it’s just not so common . I invite a lot and people really enjoy coming to me, but it’s a tremendous aMount of work- and it become overwhelming to prepare everything. I also wish we were invited out more. My kids ask why we’re not. I have no good answer. But I do feel for you. If you share where you live maybe we can help in some way.
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cbsp




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 07 2019, 8:41 pm
Sounds like shabbat.com was invented for you!

https://www.shabbat.com/about

Having said that, FWIW, we used to host a lot.

Then our family dynamics and needs changed and we hosted less.

Lately if I manage to make Shabbos just for my family it's an accomplishment.

B'ezras Hashem we'll be back on the hosting side again - but there's something to be said for Shabbos with "just us."
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