My 5 yr old annoys me :(

amother

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 11:13 pm

My oldest daughter is five and I hate to say it but she’s annoying. She’s not my first 5 yr old but my first five yr old girl. She doesn’t listen. I’ll tell her Leah no you can’t go out to the neighbor now, it’s dinner time and she’ll just walk right out the door in front of my face. She also slaps me from time to time when she’s upset. She likes when I help dress her but then she gets silly and moves all around and hugs me. Now I feel bad to say stop but putting on tights is just not a time for a bear hug. It’s messing me up! I was talking to my sister and she told me that 5-7 she found her daughter annoying but now she’s matured and Bh the annoyance stopped. I feel really bad about this. Do you find this age in girls annoying too? Any tips?

seeker

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 11:27 pm

I don't think it's a girl thing. I think this child just needs different behavioral approaches than you're used to. Perhaps firmer boundaries, I don't know enough. Just saying things like leaving the house without your permission and hitting you are not just "annoying."

imorethanamother

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 12:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How many other kids do you have? This sounds like attention seeking. Maybe give her a half hour just for her each night? The hugging - don’t discourage the hugging! I’m telling you they stop hugging you too soon, don’t wish for it to go away!

amother

Lemon

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 12:42 am

Hugging-good for u she’s so openly asking what’s she wants-she’s begging,pleading w u for extra attention
Slapping is a big no no whatsoever
But hugs-give her all the love in the world!

FranticFrummie

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 3:37 am

Give her a sticker chart, and for every time that she listens or cooperates, give her a star and lots of praise. You'll have to pay extra attention at first, so that you're used to "catching her being good."

At the end of the week/month make sure she gets a little prize or an ice cream date with mommy.

HEviatar

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 7:19 am

Ive found that disobedient or rambunctious girls are such a blessing; if you focus on her being kind and gentle, and verbalizing her need for affection from you, being "rowdy" means you have the making of a potentially very impassioned young lady. All the girls I know like this whose parents were communicative with her and kept pace now have very cool teens and young adults Cool

The slapping is a little concerning, but it doesnt sound malicious to me. Its a hard age where they are learning that they have a role in the world and that their actions impact those around them. Some kids learn that lesson a little slower, or with a little more guidence.

Do try to be patient with yourself. This is a relationship after all, there are ebbs and flows. You can still take fantastic care of your children even if they get on your nerves sometimes lol

itsmeima

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 7:45 am

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

swab for strep and have her worked up for pandas by a pandas knowledgeable md.

Pandas is real, but an extremely rare condition with obvious signs!

Last edited by itsmeima on Fri, Oct 11 2019, 11:09 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Orange

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 8:07 am

Sounds like she looking for attention and love. Maybe before you put on her tights give her a bear hug. When she wants to leave the house tell her " I love you and I want you to stay inside". When she slaps you tell her : we don't slap people, especially not the ones we love".

amother

Lavender

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 1:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Please change title of thread, there are people who have no kids r’l and it’s offensive.

solo

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 1:38 pm

I felt so guilty for having these feelings and for my inadequacies that we’re obviously causing her behaviors. Bh it’s a few yrs later and we get along so well. Without any intervention. Just time and maturity

seeker

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 2:18 pm

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

Please change title of thread, there are people who have no kids r’l and it’s offensive.

I have a lot of compassion for people in that situation. If you find yourself hurt by other people's difficulties, it is possible to hide certain forums from your feed by changing your preferences (up near the top of the screen in desktop.) I have done this for several topics that I felt I would rather not see constantly.

There are all kinds of real struggles in this world. Not having children is immensely painful, but having children is called "tzaar giddul banim" for a reason too. Everyone, parents and non-parents, deserves to have a safe space for their struggles.

If you are the one who was offended by this, my wish for you is that you have reason in the future to post about the aggravations of having children. Literally everyone I know who had to wait years before having children was surprised to realize that they struggled with the same aggravations as everyone else despite feeling extra blessed to be having those struggles.

And yes, feeling annoyed by a child that you want and love and cherish but is very annoying, is a very difficult challenge.

seeker

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 2:20 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Sounds like my 3 and half year old who needs some good old fashioned structure and discipline. Have you ever tried teaching her to behave?

It's hard to think of a more condescending response than "have you ever tried teaching her." Do you have a more helpful, specific suggestion?

My4Jewels

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 2:22 pm

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

Please change title of thread, there are people who have no kids r’l and it’s offensive.

Huh? Why change the title? I have no money.. does that mean someone with money can’t complain about their financial challenges? They might be different than mine but real none the less. Why is that offensive? Can people not complain that their parent is so hard to deal with when others have lost their parents already??

Sorry that’s just taking this whole culture of everyone is offended by everything just a bit too far.

OP kids can be so difficult sometimes. How is she at school? I would ask the teachers if they see anything concerning at school. This way you know if it’s only at home behavior or something consistent.

amother

Chocolate

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 3:13 pm

seeker wrote:

It's hard to think of a more condescending response than "have you ever tried teaching her." Do you have a more helpful, specific suggestion?

I didnt mean it to be condescending. If she never taught her than she needs to be taught. If she did than it may be lack of attention, a new change, adhd, etc...my daughter is this way (strong personality) and it takes a lot of energy to discipline over and over but eventually when I persist she gets it. I would suggest jo frosts toddler rules. Great book abc's of parenting.

amother

Pumpkin

Fri, Oct 11 2019, 3:17 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

I understood your post exactly because I am in the same place. My daughter is very passionate and sometimes I go too soft on her and then we both plotz. I have to remind myself that I am the mother and I need to come down stronger with the discipline so that there are stronger boundaries in place. And then we both feel better. And safer.