S/O Sleeping in the Sukkah

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Does your husband sleep in the sukkah?

My husband sleeps in the sukkah (without me) and I’m OK with it

28%

[ 115 ]

My husband sleeps in the sukkah (without me) and I resent/hate it.

[ 8 ]

I sleep in the sukkah with my husband.

[ 8 ]

My husband doesn’t sleep in the sukkah.

64%

[ 259 ]

Other

[ 14 ]

Total Votes : 404

amother

Tue, Oct 15 2019, 10:42 pm

My husband sleeps in the sukkah every night, and I absolutely hate Sukkos. Mad

I don’t see how this is zman simchaseinu when husbands and wives are required to separate for a week. (Please don’t suggest that I sleep there with him. This is not possible for logistical reasons.). I’m wondering how common this marital separation is, and if other women are OK with it.

amother

Denim

Tue, Oct 15 2019, 10:44 pm

You're not required to separate. He doesn't must sleep in the sukka.

Cmon be nice

Tue, Oct 15 2019, 10:47 pm

There are 2 main heterim for men not to sleep in the suca. The cold and not being able to sleep with their wives (dh told me this is brought in shulchan aruch from hundreds of years ago, so it seems that many men didn't sleep in the suca).

amother

Tue, Oct 15 2019, 10:50 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

You're not required to separate. He doesn't must sleep in the sukka.

There may be differences of opinions on whether or not he must sleep in the sukkah (and under which circumstances), but he definitely receives a mitzvah for sleeping in the sukkah, so how can I demand that he forgo that mitzvah? On the other hand, I don’t get a mitzvah for sleeping alone in the house, so I’m just left with the loneliness and resentment Sad

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Oct 15 2019, 10:55 pm

Planning to move & have a skylight sukah in our bedroom

amother

Wheat

Tue, Oct 15 2019, 10:58 pm

My dss slept in a sukkah till they got married. Then they wised up and stopped.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Oct 15 2019, 11:31 pm

I don't think it's that big a deal, especially if you'll be tahor after sukkos. It's just a week.

naturalmom5

Tue, Oct 15 2019, 11:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I hate to break it to you if truely feel that way then he isn't getting a mitzvah
It's clearly not tashvu c Ain tduro

And you are violating a mitzvah doreisa of v samachta bhagecha
Being happy on the Chag

amother

Brown

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 12:03 am

My husband sleeps out I’m inside and don’t mind. What we have done at times is he’ll come to my bed for a bit, well do the deed, and then he goes outside to sleep. So while we’re not sleeping in the same room separating for a week isn’t necessary

amother

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 12:04 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

I don’t understand how this squares with “taishvu kein taduru” either, but the mitzvah of Simcha is only on men. (Men have a chiyuv to make their wives happy, but women have no chiyuv to be happy Sad

SuperWify

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 3:33 am

Why can’t he come to you before he goes to sleep outside? What am I missing?

amother

Beige

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 3:51 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's not a mitzvah if it comes at the expense of your happiness. If the wife is upset and lonely the husband can offer for her to sleep in the sukkah, if that is not possible or she refuses then halacha allows him to sleep in the house with his wife. There's no mitzva to be machmir in sleeping in the sukkah if it leads to being meikil in shalom bayis.

amother

Beige

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 3:53 am

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

Planning to move & have a skylight sukah in our bedroom

That's what we want too. Or a sukkah off our bedroom, on a private porch, in addition to the big one.

amother

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 5:00 am

SuperWify wrote:

Why can’t he come to you before he goes to sleep outside? What am I missing?

This is not about intimacy. (That’s why it is not in that forum.) This is about just plain being there. We usually spend all night in the same bed - and it’s not the same without him . . .

LovesHashem

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 7:33 am

Why can't DH just tell the kids sleepover sukka nights will have to be every other night? Or only twice this sukkos? There's plenty of reasons you can do this for.

- Mommy doesn't like sleeping outside and you're not leaving Mommy alone every night.
- I know many men with medical/back issues - if that's relevant you can tell the kids that it's hard to sleep in the sukka every night.
- DH can simply claim that you have trouble sleeping in the sukka. Falling asleep, or staying asleep cuz it's too hot; and DH has responsibilities like being up early to daven and that's more important to Hashem then sleeping in the sukka. It "being supposed to rain". etc.

Obviously though, you need to talk to DH and he needs to be on the same page that separating for a week isn't good for the both of you.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 7:38 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

I don't think it's that big a deal, especially if you'll be tahor after sukkos. It's just a week.

We get 2 weeks a month. This takes one of them, so we’re just left with 1 week all month. My husband alternates every other night in/out.

amother

Amber

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 9:25 am

Perk to being Lubavitcher. This is never an issue.

banana123

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 9:47 am

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Perk to being Lubavitcher. This is never an issue.

samantha87

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 10:04 am

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Perk to being Lubavitcher. This is never an issue.

OH? Do explain.

amother

Copper

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 10:13 am

samantha87 wrote:

OH? Do explain.

Chabad minhag is not to sleep in the sukkah.

It's also chabad minhag for the men to only eat and drink in the sukkah, even a drink of water and even in the pouring rain.

Theres a sicha explaining the why. I can't remember the details but it has to do with the holiness of a sukkah.

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