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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
What is my purpose
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rainbow dash




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 3:58 pm
My 13dd started crying suddenly out of the blue and she told me that she is crying cause she doesnt know what is her purpose in life is. I told her that im 40 and I dont know. I asked her if it had anything to do with my bil passing away. She said no. He was my sil husband, he had a heart attack suddenly and died in his sleep first night yt. he was 53. So it might be from that. Any advice what to answer her would be very helpful.tia
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 5:01 pm
I think you're getting to get some very insightful thoughts here. I personally suggest calling Chai Lifeline or local resources. Big hugs!
I'm putting myself in your shoes. It might take some time to get a good mehalech. I'd say, You're asking a great question, something a lot of kids your age don't think about. Give me some time to organize my thoughts.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 5:04 pm
Could be depression. Anything else off?
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 5:04 pm
rainbow dash wrote:
My 13dd started crying suddenly out of the blue and she told me that she is crying cause she doesnt know what is her purpose in life is. I told her that im 40 and I dont know. I asked her if it had anything to do with my bil passing away. She said no. He was my sil husband, he had a heart attack suddenly and died in his sleep first night yt. he was 53. So it might be from that. Any advice what to answer her would be very helpful.tia


I don’t think it’s helpful to tell a child that her parent doesn’t know what her purpose of life is. She’s looking to you for strength. The purpose of everyone’s life is to be a good, productive, kind person who serves G-d and does mitzvos.
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rainbow dash




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 5:33 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
I think you're getting to get some very insightful thoughts here. I personally suggest calling Chai Lifeline or local resources. Big hugs!
I'm putting myself in your shoes. It might take some time to get a good mehalech. I'd say, You're asking a great question, something a lot of kids your age don't think about. Give me some time to organize my thoughts.


Thank you, I did actually say that.
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rainbow dash




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 5:33 pm
amother [ Mustard ] wrote:
I don’t think it’s helpful to tell a child that her parent doesn’t know what her purpose of life is. She’s looking to you for strength. The purpose of everyone’s life is to be a good, productive, kind person who serves G-d and does mitzvos.


Thank you, ill tell her that
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 5:55 pm
It's very normal to have these thoughts at this age. She is growing up and trying to figure out who and what she wants to be. Validate that. Talk to her about what gives meaning to her and try to find it together.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 6:02 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
It's very normal to have these thoughts at this age. She is growing up and trying to figure out who and what she wants to be. Validate that. Talk to her about what gives meaning to her and try to find it together.


I dont think the crying part is normal.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 6:25 pm
amother [ Brunette ] wrote:
I dont think the crying part is normal.


Teens and hormones? Really?
Of course crying can be normal. Its not like a nightly thing. It happened once....if OP said DD was crying every night over this I would be concerned...not cuz it happened ONCE!
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mig100




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 6:43 pm
amother [ Brunette ] wrote:
I dont think the crying part is normal.


Perfectly normal.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 7:15 pm
mig100 wrote:
Perfectly normal.


I mean I'm in my early twenties and I still cry about this type of thing randomly. I cry a lot. Like on average at least once a week...
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 7:21 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
Teens and hormones? Really?
Of course crying can be normal. Its not like a nightly thing. It happened once....if OP said DD was crying every night over this I would be concerned...not cuz it happened ONCE!


Ok. I was like this too as a teen and had depression that's why I asked if there are other concerns.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 7:29 pm
amother [ Brunette ] wrote:
Ok. I was like this too as a teen and had depression that's why I asked if there are other concerns.


I hear. But there's like a list of symptoms and signs for mental illness. Crying once has no indication of that.
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rainbow dash




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 7:44 pm
amother [ Brunette ] wrote:
Ok. I was like this too as a teen and had depression that's why I asked if there are other concerns.


Thanks for asking but it was a one off
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 8:14 pm
Ok so if that's the case I am actually in agreement with you that its ok not to know. Rebbetzin vichna kaplan said that she wishes Hashem would tap her on the shoulder and tell her Vichna you are doing the right thing (running a school while raising a family)

Hashem doesnt give us a map or a list of goals to accomplish so all we need to do is put one step in front of the other and do the next right thing with the information and life experience we have at the time with guidance from our parents, teachers and Rabbonim.

There is a lot more you can teach but this is a good start. I think its great to think about why we are here. Make sure that it isn't occupying all her mind and she is busy too with regular teenage stupidities.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 16 2019, 9:05 pm
Finding purpose is more of a self thing IMHO. No one else can tell you what mitzvot make you feel good, or what chesed/volunteer is really calling you to do; or how you talk to Hashem best.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 17 2019, 7:35 am
I'm not thinking teen/hormones/depression. Could be the hormones aren't helping. But her family's been through a lot lately. That seems to be the Ocam's Razor here.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 17 2019, 7:43 am
Off the cuff:

"You are asking a very important question! I believe Hashem gives us more than one purpose in life. We all have an important job to follow the Torah, and bring joy and kindness into the world. But beyond that, Hashem made each of us with unique gifts and challenges. Our job is to use our gifts for good, and to work on our challenges. When I was 13, I was down on myself a lot, and couldn't see my own gifts. Does that happen to you, or do you have a good sense of what your strengths are? Would you like to hear what I see as your strengths? Don't worry if you don't know what job you may have when you're older. I can tell you for sure that your job right now is continuing to do your best, and have patience that you'll figure it out later."
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:24 am
I love the existentialistic answers above. My way of putting one foot in front of the other is to think of the current situation I'm in and ask myself "What does Hashem want from me right now, in this situation". It's perfect timing to help her form a relationship with Hashem, if she has such questions. She might not get answers right away, and not always but eventually will. If she asks herself in the form of asking Hashem, she may get some very insightful answers. Like an art growing out of it.
For a 13 year old, (all ages, it's not an easy question to answer) it's perfectly normal to have these thoughts. This is what teens are all about, searching and trying to find who they are. Your guidance in the matter is crucial. Great job, Mom. Keep going.
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urban gypsy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 17 2019, 10:12 am
rainbow dash wrote:
My 13dd started crying suddenly out of the blue and she told me that she is crying cause she doesnt know what is her purpose in life is.


My 9 year old cries about this alot. She takes after me, I'm 33 and still crying about it.
Maybe something like this may help:
https://twitter.com/maggiesmit.....17123
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