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Tantrums and tears

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 11:38 am
I'm at a loss. My adorable 18 month old boy is turning into a terror. He throws tantrums every couple hours and each one can last upwards of 45 minutes. He screams and screams and I have no idea what to do. It's usually because he wants something and I didn't let. It could be I didn't let him climb the table or he wants to leave the house RIGHT NOW.
Do I just give in and give him what he wants so that he'll stop? Do I stand my ground and to what point? How can I prevent him from blowing up at every disappointment? I really need help, I'm completely losing my mind from the screaming
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Tzutzie




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 11:43 am
Once you said no DO NOT GIVE IN.
And choose your battles wisely.
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qwertyqwerty




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 11:47 am
Choose your battles wisely.
And completely ignore the tantrums. Don’t even look at him
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 11:51 am
The things he tantrums over are pretty non negotiable though
I can't leave the house whenever he wants, it just isn't practical. I can't let him climb the table. I can't let him eat stickers. The doctor said he shouldn't be having a bottle other than bedtime which is a major source of tantrums but I can't give in there either.
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jfk92




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 11:58 am
Like youve said, they are non-negotiables. I didnt let my son have the windex bottle he saw, he had a tantrum that went on for a while too. I ignored it and went to his toys. When he calmed down he took a toy and played too. Just like the others say, ignore it. They haven't figured out how to regulate emotion yet, so the crying is intense at times I know. But they dont understand yet, so just ignore. I know some moms who try to rationalize w kids this age, but it just doesn't seem to make sense to me. Im sure they can explain their approach. But in my house its ignore or distract/redirect.
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amother




Peach
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 12:04 pm
Generally most parenting advice suggests not to give into tantrums.

They are age-appropriate, although the length and frequency are a bit high in your case. Kids do usually outgrow them.

Tantrums are generally an overflow of feelings and no other way to express them.

I like to provide words.

"You REALLY wanted to jump on the bed."
"You wanted SO MUCH to eat a candy."
"You are SO ANGRY that I said no."
"I see that you are SO UPSET."
"You think that it would be SO MUCH FUN to climb on the table."
"You REALLY don't like it when Mommy says no."

TBH, with an 18-month old I am usually still nursing. I will just pick up the tantrumming child and nurse them for almost instant calm. Then I can provide the patter and feelings talk while they are nursing.

With an older child, I try to end the tantrum. The biggest hurdle with tantrums is getting the child to re-engage with you. Once they are responding to your questions, you can figure out how to get the tantrum to end.

I like to start by asking a million questions, that I know the answer will be "no" for. I try to wait for a breath so it's easier for my question to be heard. "Do you want me to sing you the Modeh Ani song?"

Usually the screaming child does not answer. I'll interpret the screaming as a no, and say, "Okay, you don't want the Modeh Ani song. Do you want me to sing you the Eretz Yisroel song instead?"

This will continue for a little while, until the child is ANSWERING no. Once that happens, you are golden. Start offering things that the child might actually want (a hug, to read a book), until you get a yes. Of course, NEVER offer anything you aren't willing to actually provide!
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 12:28 pm
Read Janet Lansbury. Com or her books, she will change your life

1) provide choices. No bottle before bed but he can choose which blankie

2) redirect. I can't let you climb the table. Let's climb on the foam blocks instead (yes it means providing alternatives)

3) have as much of a "yes space" as possible where there is no need to say no. Basically baby proof everything.

4) sportscast his feelings like someone mentioned above

5) I don't like to ignore a tantrum. How does that help a kid who is so overwhelmed and can't regulate himself. I like to stay near them doing something else, or say, I'll be in the kitchen, or something.

I have to say that I had minimal tantrums. Like literally a handful at that age. Bc of all of the above.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 1:12 pm
I try all those things 😫. But he doesn't speak yet so many techniques don't work and verbalizing feelings for him flies over his head (I still do it so he's used to it in the future but it doesn't help anything now)
He will not go for alternatives, if he sticks something in his mouth and I hand him a snack and say that this goes in his mouth, he'll just scream. Same with climbing the table etc
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amother




Peach
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 1:23 pm
18 months is still very much a baby.

I would probably go over the doctor's head and give a bottle more often. He may simply be overstimulated and overwhelmed and in need of comfort. A bottle with cuddles may be all he needs to help him re-regulate.
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rgr




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 2:13 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I try all those things 😫. But he doesn't speak yet so many techniques don't work and verbalizing feelings for him flies over his head (I still do it so he's used to it in the future but it doesn't help anything now)
He will not go for alternatives, if he sticks something in his mouth and I hand him a snack and say that this goes in his mouth, he'll just scream. Same with climbing the table etc


He's probably very frustrated that he can't communicate his needs. I've heard teaching minimal sign language for basics is helpful for this
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amother




Green
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 2:17 pm
My two year old is just starting to talk- before that I was thinking of making her a chart with basic pictures so she could point to what she wants because he would get so frustrated
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amother




Green
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 2:19 pm
Its a hard stage but what helped me was reading how important it is for us to stay calm and regulated because we’re modeling regulation to them and this will help them learn how to deal with frustration
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 4:41 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I try all those things 😫. But he doesn't speak yet so many techniques don't work and verbalizing feelings for him flies over his head (I still do it so he's used to it in the future but it doesn't help anything now)
He will not go for alternatives, if he sticks something in his mouth and I hand him a snack and say that this goes in his mouth, he'll just scream. Same with climbing the table etc


What is he putting in his mouth? Choking or other hazards should be unaccessible. Anything else, so what?

Also, he can still understand. But are you giving processing time.at least 30 sec after asking a q. If not more.

Read her I'm telling you
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 5:02 pm
rgr wrote:
He's probably very frustrated that he can't communicate his needs. I've heard teaching minimal sign language for basics is helpful for this


BABY SIGNS!

DD was extremely intelligent and aware, understood adult language, but didn't really speak until she was around 22 months. She used to tantrum a lot, until I taught her a few basic signs. Signing is such a great way to communicate, because it gives you and extra level of eye contact and connection. It's like doubling the value of your quality time and attention. Speak, do the sign, and show the item. Rinse, repeat. You'll be amazed at how fast kids pick it up.

Another thing was I would offer her my hand and say "Show me." If she wanted something she didn't know the word for, or couldn't reach, she could take me over to it and we'd play 20 questions until I figured out what it was she wanted. (Usually Cheerios.)
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creditcards




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:06 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The things he tantrums over are pretty non negotiable though
I can't leave the house whenever he wants, it just isn't practical. I can't let him climb the table. I can't let him eat stickers. The doctor said he shouldn't be having a bottle other than bedtime which is a major source of tantrums but I can't give in there either.


My 2 and a half year old still gets a bottle whenever she asks for it. She still gets formula too. It's OK to give a bottle. She is also fully toilet trained by day and night and gets a 2 oz bottle to bed. She is my 4th child. And my older ones had bottles until they didn't want it anymore. Ocassionally my 5 year old will ask for a bottle just because he is in the mood of it and I would give it as long as it doesn't turn into a habit.

I think it would be so much easier for you if you would just give him the bottles.
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