Intense jealousy? | Imamother

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 3:55 pm

What to do with a child who gets insanely jealous? He's very competitive, but more naturally intelligent and athletic than his older brother with mild special needs. If the older one does ANYTHING better the younger middle child becomes impossible and starts ruining the event for his older brother and everyone else. Ex. we went bowling yesterday, played 2 rounds of bowling. The first game the younger one was first in the rotation and he played well and won the round. For the 2nd game my older son asked if he can go first and we had computerized monitors and it was an easy switch. The younger one got VERY upset that we switched the order, said it "Was because he went first" that he won. He didn't play well due to his being upset and started sulking and teasing and belittling his older brother--who was having a good game. It made us NOT want to go again if this will be their reaction, but I know that that won't solve anything. These boys are 7-8 years old. In most things the younger one IS more naturally inclined, but chas v'shalom the older one does something well, he can't handle it.

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 1:26 pm

My older mild-special needs son doesn't necessarily get more attention at this point, he's not in as many therapies as he used to be and he's in a mainstream classroom, but the younger one always seems to feel the need to "show him up", "boss him around" and boasts and brags about his accomplishments--they are only 18 months apart. I've started trying to tell the older one to "tell him how you feel" and it doesn't always help as the younger one doesnt' seem to care.

oneofakind

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 4:57 pm

I'd give the younger one a lot of attention-spending time doing things he wants to do. No discussion of issues. It sounds like he feels somewhat deprived/insecure/less loved which is not logical but that's how he seems to feel and is trying to compensate for.