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Nervous and anxious for the meal to end...
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 5:25 pm
......and we are not at the meal yet.
Basically hubby and I go to one of his close friends in Williamsburg sometimes for shabbos and Yom Tov and every time we’d go hubby and I would sit separately if there are too many people for one table (the men in the dining room the women in the kitchen). I don’t mind that at all now but in the beginning it really bothered me but now I’m cool with it. But the thing that I mind is that the ladies speak in Yiddish amongst themselves knowing full well that one of us don’t speak or understand Yiddish (me). I’d sit there and wait for the meal to end and it’s come to that point where I just go just so my husband can talk and spend time with his friend and they can see our precious new firstborn son and I’d get really anxious for the meal to end. Don’t get me wrong I get it okay they speak Yiddish cuz it’s what they’re used to growing up.
So I am always being and feeling very left out and lonelier than before the meal. The women do speak English perfectly but they choose to speak Yiddish amongst themselves:( Idk. I guess I need more friends. But my husband prefers people with the same hashkofa.
But it’s just rude and unacceptable that there was someone who spent precious time and money to travel there and you speak to your family in a language that that one person can’t speak or understand.
Please think of others who don’t speak the same language. I am BEGGING you. 😭😭😭😭😭😭
ETA
I told my husband about it and he profusely apologized and said I don’t have to go just for him.
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amother




Mauve


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 5:33 pm
thats so rude. Can you say something (with a smile) Hey, don't forget I don't speak yiddish.

Maybe your husband can go for dessert and you stay home?
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 5:38 pm
I speak Yiddish but I think it's rude. They can probably speak English well but think in Yiddish and don't have the words to translate all the adjectives and expressions that keep the conversation flowing. Still rude though. If you start the conversation in English do you think it would help?
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 5:46 pm
(((((((Hugs))))))
That’s awful. And rude beyond permission. Are the ladies otherwise welcoming and friendly, or are they cliquish and deliberately freezing you out?

Either way, it’s time for you to find some assertiveness and politely, pleasantly, but clearly remind the ladies that you don’t speak Yiddish and would appreciate their speaking in English. You may have to remind them a few times.

If they continue as they have been doing, you have three options:

1. Continue to suffer in silence.
2. Decline all further invitations from these people and tell them why. Hammer out with dh if he should continue to go alone or if neither of you should go.
3. Learn Yiddish.
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 5:53 pm
4. Start talking to them in Spanish or whatever language you took in high school. Make it a good long speech, and laugh at frequent intervals as if you’re telling a rollicking entertaining story THAT THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND.
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sarahmalka




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 5:56 pm
That's so annoying. I'd be tempted to bring a book! Glad your DH is sympathetic now that he knows.
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sequoia




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 6:03 pm
Israelis always do this — speak Hebrew even though they speak English perfectly.

It’s rude.
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amother




Oak


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 6:08 pm
sequoia wrote:
Israelis always do this — speak Hebrew even though they speak English perfectly.

It’s rude.


You mean, it's rude for Israelis to speak Hebrew in Israel?
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 6:09 pm
I have this with my husband’s family. I go to my in-laws and they all speak English fluently , yet they choose to speak their native language and I’m left out of the the conversation. No wonder I don’t enjoy myself there . My MIL will speak in English to me if it’s just the two of us. But if my husband is there , they just converse in their language and leave me out. Yes , it’s rude.
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sub




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 6:29 pm
It‘s not on purpose. it’s natural to speak in language you use daily. My sil used to converse in french between themselves. I speak hebrew automatically to dh. Simply remind them that you don’t speak the language.
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Cmon be nice




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 9:25 pm
If you're going tonite or for shabos the men Will be in suca and the women inside, which makes it even harder
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 9:34 pm
stating the obvious here--remind them you don't speak yiddish!
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amother




Linen


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 9:36 pm
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
You mean, it's rude for Israelis to speak Hebrew in Israel?


Just as rude as speaking Yiddish in Williamsburg Dont know
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meyerlemon44




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 9:36 pm
You’ve got two choices: suffer in silence or have moxie and playfully remind them you don’t speak Yiddish.

(You’re a better wife than I am. If my husband tried to take me to a seudah where I’d be smushed in the kitchen with people speaking another language, I’d let him go himself and make my own seudah at home.)
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lucky14




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 10:11 pm
sarahmalka wrote:
That's so annoying. I'd be tempted to bring a book! Glad your DH is sympathetic now that he knows.


I was going to suggest bringing a book. I wouldn't be able to sit through a meal like that.
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pizza4




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 10:11 pm
No matter where you live, if there is someone with you that doesn't speak your language and you all know the language she does speak..... you speak the common language and make her feel comfortable.
At least repeat some of the things in English.
Dh speaks in yiddish to our male guests, and I go back and forth Yiddish and English with them. Sometimes we have guests that aren't comfortable in Yiddish so I try and keep the conversation mostly English, or offer to explain or repeat.
Even though I know Yiddish, I'm more comfortable with English, so at a table with Yiddish speaking women I generally will keep quiet.
Honestly op, I wouldn't want to go if I know the situation will be like that. Maybe there is some other time he can get together with his friend.
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 10:54 pm
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
You mean, it's rude for Israelis to speak Hebrew in Israel?


If they are with ppl who do not speak Hebrew .. Yes that is rude
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asmileaday




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 17 2019, 11:38 pm
Op that is pretty rude of them.
I have a few Israeli friends, if they converse in Hebrew I smile and say English please.
I don't know if you're comfortable saying that. Have you tried?
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tf




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 1:24 am
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
You mean, it's rude for Israelis to speak Hebrew in Israel?

Or for people in Williamsburg to speak Yiddish?
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 1:46 am
I speak to my parents and DH in 1 language
One sister in another language
Other sister in a third language
And my kids in a fourth language
If there's a guest at the table, I will talk to them directly in their native language.
Yet, when I'm telling my sister to pass the salad, I will automatically switch to the language that we usually speak.
I'm not doing this on purpose, an I always apologise to the guest in advance.
I tend to make a joke out of it, and tell them to have figured out by the end of the night what language I spoke to which family member.

In the same way that you don't want me to judge you for speaking only one language, please do not judge my multi lingual conversation.
It's very very very hard to be in a familiar surrounding and talking to family in another language then usual.
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