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Nervous and anxious for the meal to end...
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Duggie




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 4:24 am
you can't judge them for yiddish being easier for them, but woa if they actually speak English then yes it's pretty rude.
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amother




Pewter


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 5:32 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
......and we are not at the meal yet.
Basically hubby and I go to one of his close friends in Williamsburg sometimes for shabbos and Yom Tov and every time we’d go hubby and I would sit separately if there are too many people for one table (the men in the dining room the women in the kitchen). I don’t mind that at all now but in the beginning it really bothered me but now I’m cool with it. But the thing that I mind is that the ladies speak in Yiddish amongst themselves knowing full well that one of us don’t speak or understand Yiddish (me). I’d sit there and wait for the meal to end and it’s come to that point where I just go just so my husband can talk and spend time with his friend and they can see our precious new firstborn son and I’d get really anxious for the meal to end. Don’t get me wrong I get it okay they speak Yiddish cuz it’s what they’re used to growing up.
So I am always being and feeling very left out and lonelier than before the meal. The women do speak English perfectly but they choose to speak Yiddish amongst themselves:( Idk. I guess I need more friends. But my husband prefers people with the same hashkofa.
But it’s just rude and unacceptable that there was someone who spent precious time and money to travel there and you speak to your family in a language that that one person can’t speak or understand.
Please think of others who don’t speak the same language. I am BEGGING you. 😭😭😭😭😭😭
ETA
I told my husband about it and he profusely apologized and said I don’t have to go just for him.


Don't go. The women aren't interested in you being there - that's rather clear.
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naturalmom5




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 5:36 am
OP..
Vuz is Dee problem..
Dee darfs ois lernin tzu reddin mama loshon..

Sorry couldn't resist.. Very Happy
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 7:22 am
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
I speak to my parents and DH in 1 language
One sister in another language
Other sister in a third language
And my kids in a fourth language
If there's a guest at the table, I will talk to them directly in their native language.
Yet, when I'm telling my sister to pass the salad, I will automatically switch to the language that we usually speak.
I'm not doing this on purpose, an I always apologise to the guest in advance.
I tend to make a joke out of it, and tell them to have figured out by the end of the night what language I spoke to which family member.

In the same way that you don't want me to judge you for speaking only one language, please do not judge my multi lingual conversation.
It's very very very hard to be in a familiar surrounding and talking to family in another language then usual.


First of all, I'm in awe that you speak 4 languages. But you said you let ppl know that you might switch. It sounds like from OP's post. These women are unapologetically excluding her. If they don't do it on purpose, but do to do repeatedly without havening said anything. And, are all ignoring OP, which again yo don't seem to do bc you switch off between languages. Then it's rude. If you were sitting with everyone and talking only to your sister only in the langue she understands thereby excluding everyone else. That would be rude. But you don't and therein is the difference.
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watergirl




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 7:50 am
There seems to be a disconnect with some people regarding what it means to do hachnasas orchim. I see it here and in other threads as well. When you invite a guest, you have an achrayis to make them feel wanted, welcome, and comfortable.

amother [ Oak ] wrote:
You mean, it's rude for Israelis to speak Hebrew in Israel?

amother [ Linen ] wrote:
Just as rude as speaking Yiddish in Williamsburg Dont know

tf wrote:
Or for people in Williamsburg to speak Yiddish?


YES! If you INVITE someone to your home, the ones is on you to make them feel comfortable. Yes, that means it is rude and inconsiderate to speak in a language the guest does not understand. OP has said these women speak fluent English. So no matter if things are more comfortable in Yiddish, or if the mannerisms dont translate as well, or if the slang phrases dont go over in English or any other excuse. If you invite someone who does not speek a particular language, and you have a common language to use that EVERYONE present knows and is comfortable using, then to "forget" or "slip" into the other language and make your guest feel unwanted and uncomfortable is not ok. And no, speaking in one language and then translating it to English is silly and also rude if everyone there speaks English perfectly. If it were me, I would assume either they were talking about me, something they feel would be offensive to me, of intentionally leaving out something if they davka speak one language and then translate to me FOR NO GOOD REASON.

Many of us have been the one who does not understand the language spoken at the grocery store, the nail salon, of in a different country. This is not that. This is someone inviting a family to their home and then not making the CONSCIOUS effort do do the most basic elements of hachnasas orchim.

Ladies, this is not native people just walking around their home country's and speaking that native language. This is inviting someone into your home!


Last edited by watergirl on Fri, Oct 18 2019, 8:00 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 7:59 am
sequoia wrote:
Israelis always do this — speak Hebrew even though they speak English perfectly.

It’s rude.


Yep. My mil speaks Hebrew in front of me to dh. And I don’t understand a word she says. It’s very rude and hurtful especially since she has many times spoken of me !! Saying ishti this. Ishti that. Dh first denied it but after awhile he admitted that yes she was complaining about me to him. In front of me!!!
He answers in Yiddish but she doesn’t stop.
Op, I feel your pain, they are wrong and very inconsiderate I think it’s time your husband does something about it. Either have a conversation with the men(if they are the husbands of these women) or simply stop going
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watergirl




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 8:04 am
amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:
Yep. My mil speaks Hebrew in front of me to dh. And I don’t understand a word she says. It’s very rude and hurtful especially since she has many times spoken of me !! Saying ishti this. Ishti that. Dh first denied it but after awhile he admitted that yes she was complaining about me to him. In front of me!!!
He answers in Yiddish but she doesn’t stop.
Op, I feel your pain, they are wrong and very inconsiderate I think it’s time your husband does something about it. Either have a conversation with the men(if they are the husbands of these women) or simply stop going


So funny story. I used to work in a place where everyone spoke Hebrew. Non stop Hebrew. I am pretty fluent, but my appearance somehow makes people think I am not, and I can not tell you how many times people talked about me right in front of my face. I happened to have been the boss and all of my co-workers knew I understood every word they said. They were not the ones who talked about me. So once, a client came in and declared she did not want to deal with me and wanted only someone else. Fine! But She went on to slam me in a few ways. So my co-workers finally were able to get her to stop and, in Hebrew, said "she understands Hebrew fluently and is sitting right here. You owe her an apology". She broke down in tears and apologized profusely... the kapparah for both of us was worth it. Also, she sent a massive chocolate platter to me erev Pesach that year...
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chestnut




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 8:08 am
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
I speak to my parents and DH in 1 language
One sister in another language
Other sister in a third language
And my kids in a fourth language
If there's a guest at the table, I will talk to them directly in their native language.
Yet, when I'm telling my sister to pass the salad, I will automatically switch to the language that we usually speak.
I'm not doing this on purpose, an I always apologise to the guest in advance.
I tend to make a joke out of it, and tell them to have figured out by the end of the night what language I spoke to which family member.

In the same way that you don't want me to judge you for speaking only one language, please do not judge my multi lingual conversation.
It's very very very hard to be in a familiar surrounding and talking to family in another language then usual.

Just curious, how come you speak different languages to your 2 sisters, which are even different from the one spoken to your parents?
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strawberry cola




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 12:43 pm
I think the first thing to do is have your husband call his friend and have him convey to his wife that you feel left out of the table conversation because you do not understand Yiddish- and he and you would appreciate if the women would stick to English in your presence, so you can feel part of things.
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tf




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 12:48 pm
Watergirl, you misunderstood my comment. I'm TOTALLY with you and would never do this.
My comment focused on the fact that this happens all over. It doesn't "just" happen with English/Yiddish. The language doesn't matter.
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watergirl




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 12:51 pm
tf wrote:
Watergirl, you misunderstood my comment. I'm TOTALLY with you and would never do this.
My comment focused on the fact that this happens all over. It doesn't "just" happen with English/Yiddish. The language doesn't matter.

Ok, glad I misunderstood!
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mirror




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 18 2019, 2:29 pm
I agree to above posters who say don't go. As someone once told me, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
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