IM THE WORST HOUSEKEEPER

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Forum -> Household Management

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amother

Tangerine

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 6:52 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

There should be cleaning lady agencies in Brooklyn. Maybe someone can give you the contact info

Sure this is 1 or more agencies:
7184381260
7184388449
7186335988

This is another 1:
9178478441
7184381692

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 6:54 pm

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

Me too. And my husband has no time to help either and hes a clean freak.
I have a LOT of cleaning help--11 hours a week. It's a huge expense but we need it.
In between its messy...
No advice. It's hard. And boring and annoying.

The agreement was for 1-2 hrs/week. Just for the heavy stuff

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 6:55 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

Sure this is 1 or more agencies:
7184381260
7184388449
7186335988

This is another 1:
9178478441
7184381692

THANK YOU!!

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 6:56 pm

Also I just hurt myself badly trying to do something quick and hurt myself so badly so now I'm just bawling from pain - physical and emotional

amother

Tan

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 7:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The agreement was for 1-2 hrs/week. Just for the heavy stuff

1-2 hours will not accomplish anything.

ra_mom

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 7:09 pm

I really feel you. It's so so hard to juggle it all!
How old are your kids?

amother

Red

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 7:32 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

1-2 hours will not accomplish anything.

It depends, for me 2 hours a week is perfect. It's all the deep cleaning and I do all the light and simple stuff

dankbar

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 7:45 pm

I think it's not about the cleaning, because if yes you can get everyone together to help & clean up the mess now. It's about you feeling down, because your husband puts you down. Don't take it anymore from him, if he complains about the mess, tell him he's welcome to do it or give you the money for full time cleaning help.
It doesn't matter whether you are a balabuste or not, he shouldn't downgrade you like that.

Tell him he needs to encourage you & help you if he wants change

amother

Ruby

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 7:55 pm

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:10 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

1-2 hours will not accomplish anything.

Of course it will.
It will accomplish a bathroom cleaned once a week and mopped fresh floors. (No it won't accomplish everything else, but if I don't have to do the heavy stuff I can focus on the other stuff)

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:17 pm

dankbar wrote:

It is about the mess. Because come tomorrow the mess will start it again.
"Everyone together"? Who's the everyone? Me? LOL

I wrote that my husband is very capable bit unfortunately doesn't have the time. That includes now. He can't help me now. He can't do it. And I know you mean this kindly based on your other posts, but "give me the money?" He doesn't give me money. I'm the breadwinner (he is currently in the training part of his career) the money has to come from somewhere.

He does encourage me.

But this keeps happening.

I feel like I have one of those labels - I get distracted by stupid little things, everything takes me forever to do.. he'll just call it excuses.

I'm really sad.

zaq

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:17 pm

1. No matter how bad a __________ (housekeeper, wife, mother, cook, gardener, speller, piano player, singer, dancer, makeup artist, escape artist, con artist, player of Chutes and Ladders or speaker of foreign languages) you are or think you are, there will always be those who are worse.

2. Housekeeping is a learned skill like any other. You’re not in the Girl Scouts any more and no one is giving you grades OR merit badges. There’s just “skilled” and “not so skilled.” And that can be changed.

3. How well you keep house has nothing to do with your value as a person.

4. There’s no such thing as “being a failure.” Am I “a failure” because I haven’t (yet) learned to speak Russian or drive stick shift? Heck, no! And the fact that your housekeeping skills are weaker than you would like ( see above re: changing that state of affairs) doesn’t make you a failure, either.

5. Your self-denigrating and self-pitying thought processes are only reinforcing your negative self-image. Cease and desist at once! Stand before your mirror, look yourself in the eye and tell yourself firmly and emphatically: I am a good person. I am a worthwhile person. I am intelligent, thoughtful, kind to small children and whatever other good things you believe yourself to be or would like to believe yourself to be. Repeat three times a day for as long as necessary.

6. Start working on your housekeeping skills. Read books, newspaper columns and websites on the topic, ask your mother or strong-arm your best friend into teaching you everything she knows, and practice, practice, practice.

Last edited by zaq on Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:32 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:19 pm

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

I totally believe this.
But a clean clutter free environment is super important to him, to help him be calm and happy functioning.
It just doesn't match to a ft working mama who is not one of those "superwomen" (which I don't believe jn... but the myth)

amother

Orange

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:23 pm

Do you have add?
Because your post sounds like me. I really do try being on top of things but somehow... one of these days I will get myself help and maybe medication.
This causes me so much unnecessary aggravation.
And I do have lots of cleaning help

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:31 pm

zaq wrote:

It's true but the thing is I try and then it comes up again and again and again. I feel like its normal to feel like I tried and failed and now I'm a failure.
I give my self pep talks all the time.
I also tell them to my husband Very Happy

It still hurts when everything my lack of housekeeping is pointed out - yet again - and it's true.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:37 pm

I bet I'm worse (at least, I honestly haven't yet met a worse housekeeper than myself). Yup, we also rely on a lot of cleaning help. About 15-20 hours a week. At least my husband is just as much of a slob as I am, so he doesn't criticize.

PinkFridge

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:39 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

1-2 hours will not accomplish anything.

I wouldn't say that.

zaq

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 8:43 pm

You failed.
You are not “a failure”.
I’m not even so sure you failed.
Is this a test? Is your dh the professor ? Because you didn’t do things the way His Nibs wants them done that means you failed? How so?

Are your children kept safe, clean and fed? Do you bring them to the dentist at regular intervals? Do they go to school?

Wait—you’re the main breadwinner? Maybe the only breadwinner? Then why is your dh ragging on you? Unless he is physically disabled, why isn’t he picking up the slack? If a clean and clutter-free environment is so all-fired important to him, then he should be doing his part to establish and maintain such an environment. If you are supporting him—which your ketubah says HE should be doing for YOU—then he can danged well pick up a broom and a mop and a dust rag and start earning his keep.

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 9:01 pm

zaq wrote:

That's true. I will reframe my mindset.
I failed.
I failed to maintain a clutter free environment, to make my home a clean and well kept.
I failed myself, too. I look around and that's not how I want things.
Yes, I am the breadwinner, and like k posted before, he is extremely capable of taking care of the home, and he indeed used to (although a bit resentfully, even though he claimed hit wasn't). He is the type to be superwoman. He can cook clean work and run a tight ship. However, his schedule currently doesn't allow him to chip in. Really. He is in the training part of his career, his hands are full, even if he's not earning any dough, it's not like he's a good for nothing doing nothing and telling me what to do. He expects from me what he expects from himself, except were 2 different people. I'm more meticulous, everything takes me longer, etc.
He does his part for himself, he cleans up after himself etc.

It's not like he's not trying to keep his part of the ketubah, he believes we should both contribute.

tweety1

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 9:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It has nothing to do with yom tov Hiding

It sure does! The kids are home now more than ever for almost 4 weeks straight. When the kids are around 24/7 you have to be some kind for angel to keep a house in order. When the kids are in school/cheder-are on a schedule, the whl house runs on a schedule. Or maybe your one of the angels. I don't consider myself a bad housekeeper in general at all, now during the y"t season I'm having a hard time keeping it together.

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