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11 year old doesn’t daven

 
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Oct 22 2019, 11:57 pm
11 y.o. Son doesn’t daven in shul. He sits there and spaces out or reads a book. My husband says all the boys his age are davening for most of it. Is there anything I can do? It doesn’t seem normal for his age based on what my husband is seeing...
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amother




Copper


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 12:09 am
My 11 year old son didn't go to shul the entire yom tov. He didn't daven either. At all. He read books or played with magnatiles.
We ignored it, because iyh it'll come- without pressuring.
Iyh hopefully at his Bar Mitzvah he will daven and do what he needs to do.
Do not pressure him because every boy his age does it...


Last edited by amother on Wed, Oct 23 2019, 5:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 12:10 am
Following.
My boys are giving us a hard time with shul going as well.
8 yo barely davens
9 yo also puts up a fuss and won't go without being pushed and/or incentive
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amother




Maroon


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 12:15 am
Do not worry. Each kid in his own time and pace. As long as pressure doesn't set a negative connotation it will come. In its time, when he is ready.

Once we had a 3rd grade rebbe at orientation his speech to the parents was just thus- Do Not Pressure your sons about davening. The rebbeim see how terribly this can backfire. Let it come in at each kids readiness and pace. Best advice ever.
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amother




Pearl


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 1:36 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
11 y.o. Son doesn’t daven in shul. He sits there and spaces out or reads a book. My husband says all the boys his age are davening for most of it. Is there anything I can do? It doesn’t seem normal for his age based on what my husband is seeing...


Unfortunately, I have my 16 year old that doesnt always wake up for davening , sometimes he does which is really big day's to us when it does happen, mostly he sleeps in untill late, he's a teen @ this age I cannot control it but 11 yesrs might be different.
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amother




Wine


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 3:59 am
(repost)

Chances are, your son doesn't feel any pleasure in davening, and doesn't understand why he's doing it. Many adults feel this way too.

If you understand the history of Tefillah, and why our siddurim look the way they do, and the tremendous things davening accomplish in Ruchnius for yourself and the world, davening wouldn't be such a chore.

Another point, perhaps encourage him to start with a slimmed down version of davening (ask your Rav what the main parts are, there are different poskim) and learn more about additional parts until he WANTS to add them too.
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amother




Vermilion


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 5:24 am
amother [ Maroon ] wrote:
Do not worry. Each kid in his own time and pace. As long as pressure doesn't set a negative connotation it will come. In its time, when he is ready.

Once we had a 3rd grade rebbe at orientation his speech to the parents was just thus- Do Not Pressure your sons about davening. The rebbeim see how terribly this can backfire. Let it come in at each kids readiness and pace. Best advice ever.

And if it never comes?
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 7:57 am
Cute story:

I took my 11 year old granddaughter to shul on the first day of YomTov but I didn't even suggest that she daven. She would have sat quietly with a book but an elderly lady put a siddur in front of her for the Torah reading and Musaf and made her keep her finger on the place. My granddaughter accepted this help good naturedly so I said that I would buy her a prize after YomTov.
The lady, who works in chinuch (seminary level), said that bubbies like me, who don't daven with the kids, create big problems later when the kids are clueless about Shabbos and YomTov davening. She did have a good point. She said that it was important that whoever brings a child to shul davens with the child, otherwise they may not simply pick up the siddur after bar or bas mitzvah.
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amother




Brown


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 9:42 am
Good point. My parents made me go to shul each week starting about age 6 or so. But nobody showed me how to daven the shabbos davening or follow along properly (my mom was always home with the babies) so I had no clue what was going on etc. It's not enough to just model, you also need to teach! You can't just expect kids to pick things up on their own, tho a few may.
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amother




Brunette


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 11:49 am
We had this with my son. Even his rebbaim were concerned. His 7th grade rebbe thought putting on tefillin would light the spark--NOPE! He went to minyan on time and sat quietly, often not even opening a siddur. We asked him why he didn't daven. He said it was boring and he wasn't fluent. We asked him not if he wants to learn to daven, but if he wants to want to learn. He said yes. My husband "forbade" him to daven most of davening. He had to stand where appropriate and answer where appropriate, but daven the bare minimum. He got points and good prizes. At each goal my husband would add a tefilla or 2. They did the contest for a few years and then my husband told him they were stopping. He's now 16 and davens the weekday davening and most of Shabbos/yom tov.
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mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 23 2019, 11:55 am
I find with my 3rd grader that he has the hardest time starting to daven. If I break it down for him in smaller parts he keeps on going way after he finished hes just overwhelmed by the concept. Usually I tell him on a vacation day or on shabbos if we dont go to shul to start with Birchas ha shachar and then tell me when your done usually once he gets through the brachos he just keeps on davening without coming back to me.
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