I am the worst spender

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 3:20 pm

After 12 years, the only furniture and decorations in my house are whatever DH and DS did usually out of frustration because I don't buy things for the house. I can't bring myself to spend money.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 3:30 pm

What was your childhood like?

I have a very hard time spending money, even on things I need.

Part is due to not having had my needs met as a child. I know in theory I deserve to buy what I need, but I never felt good about doing it. Because subconsciously, if I was ever given what I did need, it came with a lot of guilt.

And part is due to having had to work as a teen to buy my necessities. So whenever I needed something (real needs), I’d have to make calculations and wonder whether to spend the money on this need if it meant not having money for another need next week.

Trying to work on my bitachon.

Jewishfoodie

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 3:39 pm

Volunteering my services to spend your money for you. You're welcome! I can fill your house up in a snap! Forward me your bank and credit card info plz. That goes for everyone...

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 3:49 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

After 12 years, the only furniture and decorations in my house are whatever DH and DS did usually out of frustration because I don't buy things for the house. I can't bring myself to spend money.

I am similar.

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 3:54 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

I had a deprived childhood, but we had a decorated house. It is strange my house is so sparse. I say it's the minimalist look and that I hate clutter.

trixx

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 4:03 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I had a deprived childhood, but we had a decorated house. It is strange my house is so sparse. I say it's the minimalist look and that I hate clutter.

Minimalism does not mean bare and sparse, it means having only what makes you happy and serves a function, and the function can be just that it is beautiful.

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 5:33 pm

trixx wrote:

Minimalism does not mean bare and sparse, it means having only what makes you happy and serves a function, and the function can be just that it is beautiful.

This is a minimalist house:

Characteristics of modern minimalist house design include:
Simplicity in form and function
Uncomplicated cladding & wall finishes
Clean, open, light-filled spaces
Simple detailing devoid of decoration
Strategic use of materials for visual interest, texture, and personality

Your definition is not correct.

amother

White

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 6:24 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

After 12 years, the only furniture and decorations in my house are whatever DH and DS did usually out of frustration because I don't buy things for the house. I can't bring myself to spend money.

Is it a bad thing not to spend money? Seriously OP, many many men would praise you profusely and call you an eshet chayil because you don't spend!

amother

Silver

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 6:50 pm

Ever since I figured out that my difficulty spending money was a subtle form of ocd I stopped feeding that particular beast, and poof! it's nearly gone.

OP I grew up pretty deprived too and that may have contributed some to my anxiety regarding money, but I still believe that imbalanced neurotransmitters bear the larger share of the responsibility.

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 7:08 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

I don't have any OCD traits. I am a relaxed person. I think I have the opposite problem. I know I should do things and I drift.

zaq

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 7:34 pm

Too much of anything is a bad thing. Rambam’s Shvil Hazahav is the ideal, not too liberal , not too conservative. Being unable to spend at all is crippling just as overspending is disastrous.

As long as OP’s family balances out her tightwad tendencies, all’s well. She said she hasn’t spent on the house. She didn’t say she’s walking around in broken shoes and worn-out clothes because she hasn’t bought a new shirt in 12 years, nor does she say that her cupboards are bare, her fridge empty and her children crying for bread.

There’s nothing wrong with a minimalist look. Most of us have much too much stuff. If you like the look of bare walls and floors and a couch without throw pillows, good for you. If your dh and ds go crazy if there’s no artwork on the wall and they buy something for their eyes to rest on, good for them. You’re not obligated to “decorate” your house.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 8:54 pm

Rappel wrote:

I came here to ogle at people whom spend freely, and instead find a thread of people just like me. That's just sad. Hiding

Sewsew_mom

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 9:03 pm

I didn't even know this was a thing... Im also married abiut the same amount of years and I made one decent sized purchase in my whole house... And it wasnt even expensive lol. I have a hard time because I need so much to fill my home and decorate I honestly don't have the funds for it and wouldn't know where to start on a zero budget. But we have everything we need..

trixx

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 9:33 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Have you seen "minimalist" homes on Instagram or even in the ikea catalog? Tons of stuff and plants, just looks clean. Not bare at all. I encourage you to read Marie kondo's book which if followed is, in my opinion, true minimalism.

amother

Copper

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 12:23 am

OP.
Is there a legitimate reason you don't want to spend? (don't have the money, or feel like it's a waste of money)
Or you can't bring yourself to spend?( coming from a more emotional aspect)

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 7:24 am

trixx wrote:

They don't have tons of stuff. Please post examples of minimalist houses that have tons of stuff. I took a look on Instagram. Some have the look right. Some don't. They are selling their product.

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 7:57 am

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

OP.
Is there a legitimate reason you don't want to spend? (don't have the money, or feel like it's a waste of money)
Or you can't bring yourself to spend?( coming from a more emotional aspect)

It's a combination of sticker shock and feeling the money could be better spent elsewhere or saved. My house calls for upscale unique items. I can't bring myself to spend the money. I found a $7000 chair for $500. It was missing legs which I ordered from the manufacturer. You can't find this everyday. Even $500 for a chair seems a lot to me.

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 8:00 am

dankbar wrote:

To be stingy for yourself is one thing but once it's starts affecting others around you, it ain't pretty

No one's deprived. If anything my kids are over indulged. DH had a tough childhood also. We don't want them going through what we did.