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I am the worst spender
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amother
Gray


 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 10:28 pm
I think it boils down to values, you value a vacation more than nice chairs in your house. I am somewhat the same way as you and I used a decorator who is great and very decisive (Tova Gams), I really recommend you just go with a decorator.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 11:18 pm
Sorry for my bluntness OP,
IMHO you are a big fat spender. You have a big house. You spent $500 on a kitchen chair (regardless of what the worth is). You go on vacations. You buy whatever you want and what's important to you. Nobody is deprived. You just don't care as much about home decorating and don't feel like spending on these things...

What means really not spending:
We live in a tiny apartment with a large family. Not anough food. No new chairs at all. No wall decor (for lack of means). No vacations. No new clothing, even for yom tov....
Our humble apartment looks just the same as 18 years ago. Nothing new.
(Me and DH have an expensive taste, it's not because we don't know what new and nice are, but we know our limits)
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 7:45 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:

You can't imagine being uncomfortable supporting a lifestyle beyond what you grew up with?


Not at all. What I cannot imagine is being so troubled by it that I have to post about it at length on imamother, with an exaggerated title like “I’m the worst spender” and then proceeding to reject every suggestion made by readers.

And, tbh, I can’t imagine being so particular that I have to have THIS specific chair or ThAT specific sofa and waiting years to buy it because only that one will do.

When my dh wants something that I don’t care about it, I tell him that if he wants it he should buy it himself. If he wants it enough, he’ll buy it, he’s happy to have it and I’m happy not to have had the tircha of shopping for it. If he doesn’t buy it, clearly he didn’t want it that badly, and I’m even happier not to have had the tircha of shopping for it.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 7:54 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Because they take years does not mean they aren't necessities. Are shades a necessity?


You mean window shades? You have lived in your house for several years and have rooms without window shades because you haven’t found the perfect ones to suit your vision of what the house should look like? Or you’re so afraid of getting the “wrong” ones or refuse to buy the “right” ones until you can get them for 90 percent off? My dear, your priorities are thoroughly skewed and yes, your problem has indeed risen to the point of needing therapy.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 8:06 am
Sorry, but I'm not understanding your problem. I haven't decorated in years, but that's because I don't have the money.
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amother
Tan


 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 8:15 am
I visited someone who had just moved into a large home, coming from a smaller Bklyn home. She took along all her furnishings from her Bklyn home. In Bklyn her home was nicely furnished. Being that she had huge spaces now & didn't buy any new furnishings yet, the house did look kind of silly, with huge spaces & the furniture that served her old home just looked like little night tables in her huge rooms.
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Frumwithallergies




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 8:16 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My house is bare, but does have the basics. DH took over the basics. It's missing a lot though. I have many blank walls and rooms that need more furniture.


Sounds like a first-world problem if ever I heard one. Here is a suggestion: find a toddler, ager 18 months-2.5 years old, three at most..... put up babyproof scaffolding, give them paint and close the door. Guaranteed no more bland walls.

Thank you! Thank you! (Bowing profusely).
I'll work on the furniture problem in my next installment. Cool
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 8:22 am
zaq wrote:
The lady doth protest too much, methinks. You buy jewelry for yourself. You buy nice clothing. You go on vacations. Your children are indulged, perhaps overindulged. Other than a wedding ring, which has become the standard for kiddushin, and maybe a stainless steel MedicAlert bracelet, approximate retail price $30, no jewelry is remotely “necessary”. Neither is vacation if it involves a trip and a stay in a hotel. People who REALLY have difficulty spending don’t “go on vacation”, they just stay home.

What you are is careful with money, and indifferent to home decor, (though IMHO spending $500 on a single chair, even if it listed for two grand, hardly qualifies as “ not spending money”), I don’t understand why you consider either of these facts to be a “problem” requiring a solution.


Lol. I’m wondering the same. Sounds like a humble brag. I think this poster is the same one who had a whole thread about inviting single women who sit in the living room at night and make her husband uncomfortable. The “problem” wasn’t really a problem. The solution was very easy, but the op had a response for every solution. Yup. Pretty sure it’s the same person.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 8:36 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
DH and I are on different levels of spending. I can't bring myself to spend what is necessary to furnish my house properly. It would look decidedly odd to add the furnishings I am comfortable buying.

$500 on a single chair is not in the upper range of spending. $7000 is. The chair is the right chair for the room.

Often when I don't buy myself new clothes, DH will go out and buy them for me. I don't see the value in spending full price at the Jewish stores when I am comfortable wearing clothes costing much less.


This whole thread is a humblebrag.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 1:23 pm
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
This whole thread is a humblebrag.
Indeed.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 1:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I don't have anything so visible. My washer is held together with duct tape. It's in my laundry room. The repairman said it can't be fixed anymore. Since it cleans the clothes fine, I let it go. It's been a few years.


You bought a big upscale house, one that "requires unique upscale items" (requires unique items? G-d forbid you should have the same lampshade as anyone else? that's a new one on me) yet you brought along your old tzebrochene washer from the old house? It can't be fixed yet it cleans your clothes just fine? RIIIIIIGHT. And I'm Queen Elizabeth, but you can call me Liz.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 2:19 pm
It pains me to see you so distressed, and I have a solution. Sell the burdensome huge house that is causing you such anguish because it requires all those massive, upscale, unique, perfect, precisely matched, costly items that you absolutely won't buy until you can get them for a pittance, and is causing your dh to lose patience with your vacillating, and move into a sensibly-sized house that needs no "decorating," is in proportion with the furniture you have now, and will look right with garden-variety items readily available at popular vendors nationwide.

Better yet, DONATE the house to a deserving organization that will quickly fill up the space without wasting a moment's thought about matching furniture.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 2:47 pm
Marbe nechasah marbeh daage! It all starts with a new doormat!
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creditcards




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 3:02 pm
For some reason you feel it's a necessity to have a nice and decorative house. What is it that's making you feel this is a necessity. It's nice if you can afford it and have the time energy for it. Yes for me window shades are necessary so people on the outside shouldn't be able to look inside. I bought them at Walmart for $2.99. And when those broke I invested in curtains for $25 each also from Walmart. I needed 2 curtains per window and a rod to hang it on. I felt like I was spending a lot of money. For all windows in the house. But that was necessary for me.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 25 2019, 4:18 pm
creditcards wrote:
For some reason you feel it's a necessity to have a nice and decorative house. What is it that's making you feel this is a necessity. It's nice if you can afford it and have the time energy for it. Yes for me window shades are necessary so people on the outside shouldn't be able to look inside. I bought them at Walmart for $2.99. And when those broke I invested in curtains for $25 each also from Walmart. I needed 2 curtains per window and a rod to hang it on. I felt like I was spending a lot of money. For all windows in the house. But that was necessary for me.


Well of course. Some form of opaque window covering is necessary in the interests of tzniut, privacy and security. Roller shades, curtains, Venetian blinds, shutters, whatever floats your boat. Maybe OP used thumbtacks to put old sheets over the windows. That’s what I did for about three days after we moved and before I bought “real” window coverings. (Plain white roller shades from the hardware store. When rolled down, they practically disappear into the woodwork and don’t divert attention from the wall decor, which consists mainly of family pix.)
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