Nervous Bar Mitzvah boy

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 3:48 pm

DS will be Bar Mitzvah tomorrow and he's spent half the day crying due to anxiety about saying his pshetel. I know it will all be over in 24 hours, but I feel so bad about it!

He keeps wishing for it to be over already, and keeps complaining how a time when he should be happy is so stressful.

He's an intelligent kid but I think performance anxiety is stopping him from memorizing the speech properly and he really doesn't know it all that well. We begged and pleaded with him to revise more (and revised with him when he allowed) over the past few weeks, but he hardly wanted to. He doesn't want to read it from the paper either so we're just hoping everyone will sing in soon enough and it doesn't get embarrassing.

For the confused ones, we're chassidish and the boy usually just says some of it until he's interrupted by singing. It's not a speech that actually generally gets said in its entirety.

I so want him to enjoy this day.

amother

Denim

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 4:25 pm

My son was the same way. Cue the guys to start singing right away. Have DH help with this. It will be fine. They sing, and he can drop the mike.

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 4:34 pm

We told him so, but he says usually the boys don't just give up after the first round of singing. They continue once it quietens down and stop when the singing starts again. Some go on three or four times but he says he can't just sit down after the first go.

It's late here. Fortunately he's asleep, at least I think and hope so, but I already feel the insomnia setting in.

Every boy is so different. Our other son just went with the flow, but this one is a nervous wreck. Fretting about every little detail and trying on his clothes again and again, making sure everything is just so.

I really hope it'll be okay!

amother

Denim

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 4:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Our Rabbi is Vitznitz. He took care to make sure the singing didn't stop. Get it preprogrammed.

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 5:03 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Our Rabbi is Vitznitz. He took care to make sure the singing didn't stop. Get it preprogrammed.

Good idea. If they keep singing he'll sit down eventually. He really doesn't want us to tell anybody to sing early because he doesn't want to appear like a failure but I think I may just have to clue somebody in for his own benefit.