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Cant handle teen
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mlc




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 10:15 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have said that he does tell me usually where he is, I always know where he is spending , he calls me up when he is on way home with taxi , usually will come back lik after 11. About toucing buisness I never have spoke to him before, with my youngsters I did only start not yet a reall discussion, I should better start. I always have and had a hard time to break this topic to them. Can someone reccomend me how to start talking about it especially to my 15 year old ? I feel by now he will laugh me in the face or he will think I dont trust him . I need a sensible way how to bring it up. I feel rather now @ age 15 then never.


[false accusations removed]


Last edited by mlc on Thu, Oct 24 2019, 10:52 am; edited 1 time in total
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 10:35 am
mlc wrote:
[removed].


Some people's first language isn't english. Usually yiddish speakers will write spellings such as "shulem bayis". That's a yiddish accent.
And some people don't care about grammar and spelling and are too lazy to fix it.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 10:47 am
I think the fact that he held down a job during Bein Hazmanim, shows that he is responsible. It also seems that he's more of a 'macher' and needs his space and so on.
I do think that you should figure out a way to relay to him what your needs are.
let's say:
1 - Kalman dear, I worry about you so much. That's how mothers are, please do me this favor and if you know you're not going to be home by 11:00, please just call me. if I don't answer then please leave me a message. Just humor me, and do a favor for your poor ole mama.
2- Kalman dear, I know how much you love your fancy equipment and I'm so proud that you earned enough money to buy it. I put aside the closet in the basement especially for you so you can keep your stuff there. You can even put a lock on it to make sure it's safe.

I think that you shouldn't be scared of him, I do think that you and your dh should discuss what your red lines are and what cannot be crossed. Then you should discuss it with him as well but in a smart non confrontational way. Put thought and consideration given the type of nature that he has.

wishing you lots of hatzlocha and brocha! and nachas!
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 11:50 am
mlc wrote:
[false accusations removed]


Thanks dear for helping fixing me. What boyhers u?? Is there something u havnt understood and you'd like to be more clear???
I have no problem if u ask me anything u didnt understand, (that is what it seems) I'll gladly answer your questions. Seems like something is massively bothering u!!!
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 11:55 am
LovesHashem wrote:
Some people's first language isn't english. Usually yiddish speakers will write spellings such as "shulem bayis". That's a yiddish accent.
And some people don't care about grammar and spelling and are too lazy to fix it.


I would say its not even funny how u put it down here. Is there a language yout not perfect @ and how would u feel if someone is bringing u down for that?! Obviously u shouldve thought I dont really speak English and give the benefit of daubt. Where does random topic even come in here???
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 11:59 am
MIC I dont feel like u belong here if u cannot handle someone's spelling, grammer, language, mistakes. Thats on u! Your problem more then mines.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 12:55 pm
Thanks all for your nice replies, it was great feedback for me.

As of mic's response,
I dont get your entire message! U seem like a man rather then a women! I dont think women would ever be this harsh to make up such a belief u did...
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 4:04 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I would say its not even funny how u put it down here. Is there a language yout not perfect @ and how would u feel if someone is bringing u down for that?! Obviously u shouldve thought I dont really speak English and give the benefit of daubt. Where does random topic even come in here???


Americans are very self centered. We forget english isn't most of the world's first language Laugh Hugs to you OP.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 4:55 pm
Going back to the side topic of how in the world to bring up inappropriate touching to teens, when you haven't before-
I have teen DDs. Any awkward topic, I bring up as keeping them posted with current events/sharing with them something that I "just found out" that is upsetting to me. It can range from Rabbi's or relatives and inappropriate touching, julling and kids going to the hospital / dying, inappropriate clothes tnius and self esteem. Always taking the Venus of packages and gender identification.....
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 5:01 pm
I don't understand how people can be so terrified of having their children molested, and then not tell their children how to protect themselves, what to watch out for, and what to do if someone is acting strangely.

I started when DD was 2. She could understand that she should not take candy from someone we don't know, and to say that her mommy gives her candy at home. Then she has to run and find a grownup we know.

We also did fire and earthquake drills. Things like this should be repeated often as kids grow up, so that it's as natural to them as breathing.

If you are too squeamish to bring up the subject yourself, you need to buy a book that will help you talk to your kids about things like this. Get over your prudishness, for the sake of your kid's safety!
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 5:06 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
I don't understand how people can be so terrified of having their children molested, and then not tell their children how to protect themselves, what to watch out for, and what to do if someone is acting strangely.

I started when DD was 2. She could understand that she should not take candy from someone we don't know, and to say that her mommy gives her candy at home. Then she has to run and find a grownup we know.

We also did fire and earthquake drills. Things like this should be repeated often as kids grow up, so that it's as natural to them as breathing.

If you are too squeamish to bring up the subject yourself, you need to buy a book that will help you talk to your kids about things like this. Get over your prudishness, for the sake of your kid's safety!


My younger ones I have an easier time exploring with them , just the older ones im honestly nervous how they will respon yto me

I guess 15 years ago I myself was lackng the skills of how important it was to teach it to them . Now im having a tough time bringing it up since I dont know if they will laugh me off or take it wrongly thinking I dont trust them... I would bring it up but have to first put in thought how I will confront them. They very big by now , older kids arent anymere as innocent as young ones .
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mlc




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 7:21 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks dear for helping fixing me. What boyhers u?? Is there something u havnt understood and you'd like to be more clear???
I have no problem if u ask me anything u didnt understand, (that is what it seems) I'll gladly answer your questions. Seems like something is massively bothering u!!!


Please don’t be sarcastic. I was genuinely concerned about trolls, because just yesterday I met some teens using library internet to troll imamother. So I guess my radar was up, perhaps too much so.
I didn’t mean to offend, or to be giving ‘false accusations’, as my post had been labeled . It was a concern, nothing more,

I genuinely wish you all the best with your son. Mine is way younger and I am dreading him becoming a teen . For the reasons you mention.
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mlc




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 7:22 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
Americans are very self centered. We forget english isn't most of the world's first language Laugh Hugs to you OP.


English isn’t my first language either! Not my second actually.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 7:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My younger ones I have an easier time exploring with them , just the older ones im honestly nervous how they will respon yto me

I guess 15 years ago I myself was lackng the skills of how important it was to teach it to them . Now im having a tough time bringing it up since I dont know if they will laugh me off or take it wrongly thinking I dont trust them... I would bring it up but have to first put in thought how I will confront them. They very big by now , older kids arent anymere as innocent as young ones .

I hear where you are coming from. It is very important though to discuss it with your kids right away and let them laugh. You can be matter of fact and tell them that you should have told them years ago however you yourself were not aware of how important it is to discuss.
I’m surprised it didn’t come up though yet. The doctors usually discuss it with the kids when they are young by their well visits.
It should be a discussion that comes up throughout the year. Not just a one time thing. Don’t worry about what your kids think of you. You are doing this because you love them and want to make sure they are protected. You can tell your son the reason why you don’t feel comfortable not knowing where he is because you were not sure if he knows about his own body safety etc. Good Luck.
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UQT




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 9:16 pm
Ahh Bein Hazmanim. The bane of parenting.

Yesterday I realized around 2:30 in the afternoon that I haven't seen my son since Shacharis so I texted him

"Checking in, haven't seen you all day"

And he used all the words in his vocabulary and wrote back,

"Hi"

That was good enough for me. I like when he knows he has some sort of obligation to keep in touch with his parents as they worry about him. I trust him and his friends and know they are not doing anything dangerous or going somewhere inappropriate. However, I do want to know he safe ,and being safe means checking in with someone periodically so they know you are ok.

Maybe don't grill him where he is going and what he is doing (as long as you trust him and his friends) as teenage boys tend not to want to share. Ask him to check in with you, call if wont be home by a prearranged time.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 24 2019, 9:36 pm
mlc wrote:
Please don’t be sarcastic. I was genuinely concerned about trolls, because just yesterday I met some teens using library internet to troll imamother. So I guess my radar was up, perhaps too much so.
I didn’t mean to offend, or to be giving ‘false accusations’, as my post had been labeled . It was a concern, nothing more,

I genuinely wish you all the best with your son. Mine is way younger and I am dreading him becoming a teen . For the reasons you mention.


Mic thanks for making closure with this I guess u were overwhelmed or had hard day or ect. U saw incident so it brought u up other thoughts. No that wasnt the case with my son. He doesnt even know that imamother exists and thats strange what u saw.
Thank you!
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