How to deal with this?

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 8:27 pm

My dd is a popular nice and fun girl all the neighborhood kids come to play with her there Is one child that is extremely sensitive and quieter,my dd includes her as much as possible the issue is this girl keeps running after dd and while dd wants to do a project or something fun once in a while with one or 2 friends and this girl starts crying that she can't join so dd let's het join. The thing is this girl keeps telling dd I know you dont like me and I know u dont want to be friends with me and dd is getting tired of constantly having to encourage her (she's only 10) mother now calls me to say dd is not being nice to her. Any tips on how to go abt it,dd comes out looking like a mean girl but sensitive neighbor is too clingy and sensitive

fortunate123

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 8:36 pm

Can you have your dd invite her over so you can observe their interaction together? If she is being too clingy it's hard for a 10 year old to know on her own how to set healthy boundaries. She may need you to guider her on what to say so that she doesn't feel like she is always obligated to agree to every request made of her by this girl.

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 8:44 pm

fortunate123 wrote:

So we had her over with other friends and I've seen dd being sensitive to this girl at times and when it got too much dd asked her to either give her space which causes sensitive girl to cry and mother to call me and say dd being mean. Dd apologizes and the cycle continues.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 8:45 pm

Balancing lots of friends is a pretty sophisticated skill for a 10yo to master. If she likes the introverted girl, then they should have one on one time, doing something quiet like baking cookies or doing an art project.

Let her entertain her more outgoing friends on a different day. Ask the shy girl how she would feel about that. Would she feel even more left out, or would she be really relieved at the new arrangement?

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 8:47 pm

Im scared the mom can turn this into a bullying scenario bec this child is so sensitive and dd is easy going.but if sensitive child would leave dd alone and not run after her everything will be okay for both of them and dd would not be looked upon as mean

thunderstorm

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 8:49 pm

Would you be able to explain what goes on to the mother?
I was in your daughters shoes when I was that age. I was trying to be nice to everyone. The mother of the sensitive girl scolded me for “not having her join me on my shopping trip to the grocery with my other friend” , I felt such pressure because those two sets of friends argued and fought and I was Miss Peacekeeper . It was easier to play individually with each one than as a group. Otherwise I felt pressure and smothered. My mother wasn’t aware of any of this. I took all the pressure from this friends mother since she approached me directly.
I commend you for being involved. It’s important for your daughter to feel validated and understood and you are doing that. I think the two mothers need to chat if possible.

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 8:54 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Oh wow exactly this!the only difference is dd doesnt even want/need to be friends with sensitive girl she's just being nice to her. The mother is just as sensitive as her daughter and I have no idea what to suggest to the mother?

(What I wish I can say is if my dd is mean to your daughter tell your dd to stay away from her but I know that's just mean.)

amother

Oak

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 8:58 pm

My daughter had a similar situation. I encouraged her to limit her interactions because it was taking a toll on her emotionally. While I feel bad that some kids struggle socially it's not really fair for one specific child to have to shoulder the burden of always having the girl clinging to her and telling her things like you don't like me. I would tell the mother that your daughter goes out of her way to be friendly and include the girl. At the same time this does not have to be your daughter's burden.