Need help getting excited about going to Israel...

amother

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 11:06 am

We just had a big anniversary and dh has been saving up and planning for a trip to Israel, just us, no kids. He has been pining for this for years, and can't stop talking about it. The issue is, I'm having trouble sharing his excitement... I'm a little worried about leaving the kids, a part of me is worried about the safety of being in Israel, I have some negative memories of being there, it's hard to take off work, I really don't enjoy traveling...

BUT it's so important for my husband and I know how happy he is every time he thinks about it. I feel bad for him that he probably senses that I'm not crazy about going.

Any ideas to help me get more excited about it? I'd love to hear inspiration about Israel, maybe ideas of what I can do there... I just have a yucky feeling when I think about it and I would love for it to be just feelings of excitement, anticipation, looking forward, and sharing in my husband's enthusiasm.

amother

Ecru

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 1:27 pm

I am not sure this will help so disregard if not!

We often go on vacations, think once a year. When my kids were a bit younger, someone made a negative comment about our decision to be away from the kids while on vacation. I ended up asking my Rabbi his thoughts and he shared a few encouraging ideas that helped me feel at peace with our decision. Firstly, the fact that you leave the kids (with proper supervision) empowers them to know that you left them because you feel confident in their ability to manage without you and that creates independence and trust. Also, it is good for kids to see that you have a special relationship as a couple,( and life doesn't only involve parenting them.)

As for getting excited, think about things you like doing on vacation here and we can give suggestions for similar attractions there. Like if you like nice hotels or museums etc... post and we can help. I love going to Israel! Firstly, to daven and also because I dont need to worry about kosher food as it is always available.

Security wise, I never felt worried in my recent visits. Just stay in safe places and trust in Hashem!

amother

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 1:48 pm

OP here. Thank you, Ecru amother!

I know my kids will be okay! We're leaving them in capable hands and they're actually very excited for their babysitters. For sure it's good for our shalom bayis also, but so so much time just with spouse sometimes gets stale... I'm hoping we'll be so busy and have good times together that it'll be only good.

I like nature, and history, touring places and factory tours and things like that.

Any ideas?

amother

Chocolate

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 1:58 pm

So excited for you! You can get excited by starting to google the things you are interested in and start planning a tentative itinerary.
And all those places of energy and inspiration! The kotel, tunnels, tunnel shul, kever rochel, maaras hamachpela! Go on a day trip to Maaras Hamachpela with the Hevron fund -- the best tour guide! Buy coupons for pizza at the cafe there and give it to the IDF soldiers guarding great Hakaras Hatov! Walking tours in the old city and Ir David! The Dead Sea and Matzada! All our history! Be sure to check out the visual reality experience in the Old City next to the tunnel tours. Brings the Beis Hamikdash to life!!! (IY"H we'll see the real reality soon!)
Check out the restaurants you want to visit.
Can even be within walking distance of where you are staying especially if you are in Yerushalayim!
You can check out tours on websites like Artzeinu to get more options! Can go shul hopping, practice your Hebrew, and take walks. Remember why you two became you two before you became parents Smile

.
Great gifts to bring back to your children and family, in addition to the wonderful inspiration, you can ask them if there is anything special they want that they can only get from E"Y.
Tune into the reasons your husband is looking forward to it and IY"H you will create new and great memories.
enjoy! And hope you get so excited and it is truly wonderful exceeding all your expectations in every way.

pinkpeonies

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 2:05 pm

I wish I could help you! I love Israel so much not sure how to give that feeling over to others though. The feeling is not very describable though, it’s a feeling of holiness and belonging. Watching simple people there, the chashivus hatorah that is palpable there. The history of tanach that took place in that exact land.
I know I sound like a seminary girl 😆 I’m very far from that, it’s just that eretz Yisrael is such an incredible beautiful place, I wish I could give the love over to you!

groovy1224

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 2:09 pm

Wow!!

I think once you are there, the excitement will kick in. Of course now you are worried about the kids and the long plane ride and work, but once you are there it will be easier to let all that go and just enjoy. I'm sure plenty of others will chime in with great ideas but I also just want to say to make sure to leave some time to just relax, walk around, enjoy the environment.

Safe travels and enjoy!!

banana123

Sat, Oct 26 2019, 2:01 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Just about the safety issue. I feel safer here than abroad. Here there are actually security guards and a majority of Israelis serve in the IDF. Police are armed, alert, and aware, an on top of intelligence.

I don't know where you live, but almost certainly your security is much worse than ours.

Every day, Israel's security forces foil dozens of terror attacks. You rarely hear about it. There's a reason most attacks are knife attacks - other types of weapons have become nearly impossible for terrorists to get hold of. Whereas abroad, if there is an attack, it's a huge one, shootings are common and until security arrives dozens are injured and dozens more are dead.

Don't worry about safety here. Smile

Worry about it where you live.

ETA: Check maps before relying on Waze and similar, and don't end up in PA-controlled areas. If you don't end up lynched because you accidentally drove into Ramallah or Hussan, you'll probably be just fine. Smile

Last edited by banana123 on Sat, Oct 26 2019, 2:03 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sat, Oct 26 2019, 9:00 pm

OP here again.

Wow wow wow wow wow I am so glad I posted!!! Thank you! All your answers were incredibly reassuring and helpful, and I was touched that some of you shared that you're excited for me. It really is a special and relatively rare opportunity and I have to keep that in mind.

One more question: We may be renting a car one or two days to get places. How can I be sure we will drive on only safe roads?

FranticFrummie

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 8:56 am

OP, correct me if I'm wrong. You're the "planner" in the family, and DH is more spontaneous. You want to make sure that every little detail is sorted, and DH likes to "live in the moment". This makes you a great couple, but can also cause a bit of tension sometimes.

I think that once you land and get settled, call home and make sure the kids are fine, and unpack, then you will start to have fun. Eat something healthy, get caught up from the jet lag, and you'll have a wonderful time from then on out.

More people are killed in an average Chicago or Detroit weekend than are killed in a whole year in Israel. It's like a shark attack. It makes the news because it is NOT common. Sharks bit maybe one or two people a year, and yet everyone is terrified of them. People still smoke and drink too much, and that never makes the news.

I look at it this way: If Hashem decides that it's my time to die, I'd rather it be here than anywhere else. In the meantime, I couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

BTW, all the dangerous roads are VERY clearly marked. You can't miss it, the signs are huge. I can't imagine you needing to drive through any, unless you are visiting over the Green Line.

The trains and busses are very safe. The trains have spacious seating, nice bathrooms, and you can get up and stretch your legs. I love the trains!

Get used to seeing young people dressed in army greens and carrying very large machine guns. It's a bit startling at first, but you get used to it. They are obligated to protect the public at all times, and in a case of emergency there is no concept of "off duty". Give them a slight smile and a nod, they can use some positive recognition for keeping us safe. (Please, no political drama spin offs.)

If you come to Beit Shemesh, you had better meet me for coffee!

amother

Puce

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 9:21 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I had a similar situation where I was happy we were going but was only focusing on the feelings of being overwhelemed with planning the trip and also the finances. Then something happened and we couldn't go. No matter how hard I tried and how much I davened. I never wanted to be there more. I would have paid ANYTHING to make it work. Done anything!
It changed my perspective
Being in ey is a huge privilege
Even moshe rabbeinu wasn't zoche
Hatzlocha making the mindset shift

amother

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 5:50 pm

Haha, FranticFrummie, to answer you: yes and no. Both me and DH are pretty unspontaneous, more cautious and planned out in nature. But in terms of actual planning, DH is always the trip planning person. Any trip we've taken he's pretty much taken the reins in terms of itinerary and travel plans, and I cover the packing. I generally just prefer staying home! I hope that once I'm there I'll really enjoy it.

Thank you to everyone for all your responses! I really am getting more excited. Tizkena lmitzvos all of you!

Hug

Frumwithallergies

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 6:24 pm

I could have written your opening post last year!
My DH planned a trip for us last year, and all I could think about were the negative experiences I had had during previous trips.
But something in me clicked a few days before leaving---I took out a few travel guides on Israel, decided on one that I liked and bought it. I read it on the plane and we made plans to see things that I had never seen before. It turned out to be a beautiful trip B'H and passed way too fast. Now, I can't wait to go back!
Nessiya tova!