Threatening my 5 yo

professor

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 8:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am threatening my 5 yo way too much.
"If you don't stop now, now shabbosmparty!"
"If you don't stop hurting your sister, you cant watch a video this week during video time!"
At least 10 - 15 times a day on Friday, shabbos, when he is home most of the day.
I know it's not good.
Help me stop! He doesn't listen to me otherwise.

Ohmygod me too. I must stop this. Take a deep breath and idk. I am going to read this thread be'iyun cause I need help too

polka dots

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 9:29 am

I also don’t like to do timeout for every little thing. It sometimes turns the punishment into something bigger than what it used to be. Also you can’t always use it. Like when grocery shopping or in shul... I used it in more extreme case. Like when my son hit me once, or really was inappropriate.

I think having natural consequences versus threats sounds more positive. So whatever you want to threaten with, you can rephrase as a consequence.

amother

Linen

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 10:30 am

esther11 wrote:

Blimie Heller gives a really great parenting course that addresses this exactly. I highly recommend it!!

Agree!! Best class ever!!! For all types of children and struggles!

behappy2

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 10:57 am

If you never took a parenting class That is a great place to start!

Some pointers

Try to engage cooperation by being positive and exciting.

Have clear expectations

Have simple consequences that you use over and over again and consistently so your child knows what to expect

amother

Aqua

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 11:08 am

pizza4 wrote:

I tried doing time out for a while, it was h*ll. Nowadays if I'm getting angry I'll put myself in time out (in your case, with the victim) for a few minutes until I'm calm.

It works better for me to stay calm and pleasant and explain what the problem is that I'm seeing. Ex: ds, pulling hair can really hurt! Remember yesterday you fell and were crying? Look at your siblings face, he looks pretty sad.
Or say how it makes you feel: ds, it makes me sad when I see one kid hurting another!
What can you do to help your sibling/make him feel better?
Etc.
One thing I do sometimes when a kid is really out of hand and not hearing me is, I take out a paper and pen and say, dd, draw me a picture of what happened. Then we discuss what she drew and what to do next time and how to fix what happened.

Love this!!
You sound like a great mom:)
Thanks for the idea!

amother

Aqua

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 11:10 am

flowerpower wrote:

I worked really hard not to threaten. It leaves a negative impact on you and the child. It’s addictive and never helps the situation. I focus instead on being positive. In a sweet voice I say “Look how fast he’s running up to get a pamper”. I know he would prefer not to listen but because he sees How “impressed “ I am he runs up to get one. Or if he bothers the baby once again I say “I only have to tell him once time to stop touching the baby and look how fast he’s listening already” and although he would rather push the baby and watch him cry he proudly retrieves his little troublesome chubby hands instead. I also give him little praises and rewards for good behavior out of the blue. He sees it’s worth trying to behave sometimes...

Love this too!
I also struggle with this op... thank you for this thread there are some really great ideas here!
Flowerpower I always love your posts and ideas:)