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Would you go to the Bar Mitzvah?
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 8:51 am
My husband was told several times by friend he is making bar mitzvah for his DS. We never received invite in the mail. The day of the Bar Mitzvah he asked husband are you coming tonight. My husband replied to where. And then my husband gets a watts app invite. Would you of gone or would you of skipped it?
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salt




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 8:54 am
If it's at a convenient time and convenient place, and he's a real friend and will be happy to see your DH, then yes, I'd go.
ie. I'd consider it the same as having received a real invite in the mail.
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amother




Ivory


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:02 am
Depends. How inconvenient is the place, how close a friend? The day before is pretty close to verify—most people will call sooner than that if they didn’t get a response card, but maybe this person didn’t send out response cards or isn’t on top of things. Be dlkz and assume the invite went astray. When you send out hundred of envelopes or even emails, you have to figure at least some will get lost.

My dh would probably go. He’s a great guy and really feels that he had an obligation to the Baal haSimcha to attend and help make it lebedik, even if he’s not that close.
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amother




Lime


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:04 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My husband was told several times by friend he is making bar mitzvah for his DS. We never received invite in the mail. The day of the Bar Mitzvah he asked husband are you coming tonight. My husband replied to where. And then my husband gets a watts app invite. Would you of gone or would you of skipped it?


I would go if I was able to. Lots of times invitations get lost in the mail. I wouldn't take it personally.
One of my neighbors made a bar mitzvah and I never got an invitation. A few days before the bar mitzvah the neighbor asked us if we were coming and we told them we didn't get an invitation so he was so apologetic and gave us one. It was inconvenient for us so we didn't go.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:04 am
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
Depends. How inconvenient is the place, how close a friend? The day before is pretty close to verify—most people will call sooner than that if they didn’t get a response card, but maybe this person didn’t send out response cards or isn’t on top of things. Be dlkz and assume the invite went astray. When you send out hundred of envelopes or even emails, you have to figure at least some will get lost.

My dh would probably go. He’s a great guy and really feels that he had an obligation to the Baal haSimcha to attend and help make it lebedik, even if he’s not that close.


My husband was asked the day of the simcha.
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amother




Smokey


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:07 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My husband was asked the day of the simcha.


Your husband had ample time prior to the day of the simcha to ask for the details of the Bar-Mitzvah.

The right thing would be to go if he could.
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Rutabaga




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:12 am
Are both of you invited or just DH?

For a last minute invite I would probably encourage DH to go without me because it would be too hard to make babysitting arrangements. We don't stand on ceremony about things like this and wonder if we're second or third tier invitations or whatever. If someone is friendly enough to want to include us in their simcha then we try to go if possible.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:12 am
amother [ Smokey ] wrote:
Your husband had ample to prior to the day of the simcha to ask for the details of the Bar-Mitzvah.

The right thing would be to go if he could.


This friend kept telling him I am sending you an invite to the simcha.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:13 am
Rutabaga wrote:
Are both of you invited or just DH?

For a last minute invite I would probably encourage DH to go without me because it would be too hard to make babysitting arrangements. We don't stand on ceremony about things like this and wonder if we're second or third tier invitations or whatever. If someone is friendly enough to want to include us in their simcha then we try to go if possible.

That is a good question if I was invited. When we made a simcha they said they were coming and never showed up.
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amother




Smokey


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:16 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This friend kept telling him I am sending you an invite to the simcha.


from this comment and the other one you made sounds like organization isn't a strong point of this person.

Its never wrong to be the bigger person.

On the flip side if your DH is looking for reason to let the friendship go - this would be a point in that direction.
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amother




Forestgreen


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:24 am
I would have went
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amother




Mint


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:33 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My husband was asked the day of the simcha.


No he wasn't. He was told many times before.
Either invite got lost in mail or person wasn't organized but he was def invited numerous times before day of simcha
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:39 am
amother [ Mint ] wrote:
No he wasn't. He was told many times before.
Either invite got lost in mail or person wasn't organized but he was def invited numerous times before day of simcha

But he wasn’t given date and location. Invitation was never mailed to us.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:13 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But he wasn’t given date and location. Invitation was never mailed to us.


Your husband's friend told your husband, on numerous occasions, that he was invited to the bar mitzvah. Whether the invitation was lost in the mail, sent to a wrong email address, or the friend just forgot to send it, no one knows. But it definitely wasn't a last minute, don't really mean it invite.

If your DH/you were available, then yes, you should have gone. If you weren't available or really didn't want to go for some reason, wish them mazel tov.
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Cheiny




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:15 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My husband was told several times by friend he is making bar mitzvah for his DS. We never received invite in the mail. The day of the Bar Mitzvah he asked husband are you coming tonight. My husband replied to where. And then my husband gets a watts app invite. Would you of gone or would you of skipped it?


Yes. You have to assume he mistakenly didn’t receive the first one, and it’s not worth losing a friendship over.
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amother




Copper


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:58 am
Mail invites are expensive, bad for the environment, and not respected by the postal service.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 1:36 pm
Just made a Bar Mitzvah. About half a dozen people came on invitations similar to the one you describe. I was sooo happy that they made the effort to come. Some people I don't have their email, or they come to shul only sometimes, or I just really like them even though we are not socially active with each other because everyone is so busy. But when they saw me and said mazel tov for the upcoming bar mitzvah, I said I would love to see you there... And they came. I don't think they felt 'obligated' (I certainly hope not), just wanting to be part of it and share in the simcha. Try to assume the best in people. It makes you and the other person so much happier
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 1:51 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But he wasn’t given date and location. Invitation was never mailed to us.
Don't harp on the piece of paper. If he mentioned it a few times, I would have my dh go unless I'm buddies with the dw, otherwise I'd take it that only my dh was invited.
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DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 1:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But he wasn’t given date and location. Invitation was never mailed to us.

You don't know that -- you just know that you never received the invitation.
Maybe it got lost in the mail.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 1:56 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
Just made a Bar Mitzvah. About half a dozen people came on invitations similar to the one you describe. I was sooo happy that they made the effort to come. Some people I don't have their email, or they come to shul only sometimes, or I just really like them even though we are not socially active with each other because everyone is so busy. But when they saw me and said mazel tov for the upcoming bar mitzvah, I said I would love to see you there... And they came. I don't think they felt 'obligated' (I certainly hope not), just wanting to be part of it and share in the simcha. Try to assume the best in people. It makes you and the other person so much happier

This is Shabbos or during the week?
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