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Would you go to the Bar Mitzvah?
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amother




Smokey


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 2:01 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This is Shabbos or during the week?


So your husband did or did not go?
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Miri1




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 2:55 pm
I've personally experienced invitations getting lost (both ones I've sent and ones I should have received).
If you can go, just go. No point getting hung up on it because especially in your case you know your husband was definitely on the list.
Also, have you ever received someone else's mail? Not everyone is so good about making sure mail gets to the right address.
(I got someone else's reply card once and made sure to get it to it's correct recipient, who knows where our missing invitations went?)
Sometimes it's awkward and you never know if someone's feelings were hurt...


I remember my friend's sister was engaged, and I was close to the family. They never gave me an invitation, but I never thought it strange because I was her sister's friend and perhaps she was keeping it small.
Sometime after the wedding she asked me why I didn't come. I didn't say "you didn't invite me", but I did say " I didn't know where it was".
There may have been some cultural misunderstandings there - I would never show up to a wedding uninvited, but perhaps it never occurred to them to give me a formal invitation. Or maybe they thought they did but really didn't.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 4:05 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This is Shabbos or during the week?


Both actually.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 4:08 pm
And we also had a cousin who somehow didn't get the email so thought he wasn't invited (although he knew his brother was) so he didn't come. This was despite the fact that the first email bounced back so we emailed the brother to get his address again. It's a pity he missed it. We didn't phone everyone who didn't reply but we did send a reminder email a couple of days before because the original one went out 8 weeks before and people forget.
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 5:18 pm
Usually the wife is in charge of the invites. Because she didn’t come to your simcha maybe she is not considering you a close friend. Her husband came home and she realized he invited you so she didn’t have a choice but to invite you. Dh tells me I always suspect the worse but I’m usually right:(
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amother




Gold


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 6:54 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
Your husband's friend told your husband, on numerous occasions, that he was invited to the bar mitzvah. Whether the invitation was lost in the mail, sent to a wrong email address, or the friend just forgot to send it, no one knows. But it definitely wasn't a last minute, don't really mean it invite.

If your DH/you were available, then yes, you should have gone. If you weren't available or really didn't want to go for some reason, wish them mazel tov.


This. If it's really next to impossible for you to go, then make your apologies. But if you are just being bitter, then let it go and go celebrate – not everyone is as organized as you want them to be.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 7:37 pm
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
Usually the wife is in charge of the invites. Because she didn’t come to your simcha maybe she is not considering you a close friend. Her husband came home and she realized he invited you so she didn’t have a choice but to invite you. Dh tells me I always suspect the worse but I’m usually right:(

Wife still did not invite here since husband sent watts app day of simcha.
But I do feel exactly what you are thinking.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 7:52 pm
amother [ Smokey ] wrote:
So your husband did or did not go?

No. He had work appointments scheduled that evening. It was to late to change his work schedule.
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Tue, Oct 29 2019, 2:54 am
WADR - if someone told me I would be invited to their simcha, my immediate response would be to ask when it is! Kal v'chomer if they said it multiple times - so, OP, how come your DH never thought to ask? Scratching Head
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Oct 29 2019, 7:24 am
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
WADR - if someone told me I would be invited to their simcha, my immediate response would be to ask when it is! Kal v'chomer if they said it multiple times - so, OP, how come your DH never thought to ask? Scratching Head

He just said he will send an invitation about the bar mitzah
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Oct 29 2019, 9:24 am
Many people today only do electronic invites & not paper ones anymore.

In some places, invitations are never sent to Bar Mitzvahs only phone calls pretty close to the day of simcha
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Oct 29 2019, 9:28 am
dankbar wrote:
Many people today only do electronic invites & not paper ones anymore.

In some places, invitations are never sent to Bar Mitzvahs only phone calls pretty close to the day of simcha

In our community you would not show up to a bar mitzvah during the week if you did not get a physical invite or a proper evite. You would be consider crashing an event.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Oct 29 2019, 9:46 am
The way you describe convo, that he kept saying that he is making bar mitzvah but didn't give your husband details or said he wants to see him just kept telling him I'll send you invitation seems like more that he had to say this...while talking about Bar mitzvah
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Oct 29 2019, 9:51 am
dankbar wrote:
The way you describe convo, that he kept saying that he is making bar mitzvah but didn't give your husband details or said he wants to see him just kept telling him I'll send you invitation seems like more that he had to say this...while talking about Bar mitzvah

That is exactly what happened and out of left field my husband saw him day of simcha and finds out simcha that evening.
Also, if you really needed count for caterer wouldn’t you call up guests if they did not reply?
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amother




Smokey


Post  Tue, Oct 29 2019, 10:15 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
That is exactly what happened and out of left field my husband saw him day of simcha and finds out simcha that evening.
Also, if you really needed count for caterer wouldn’t you call up guests if they did not reply?


Is your husband's friend giving him a hard time for not coming?
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lavenderchimes




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Oct 29 2019, 10:24 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
That is exactly what happened and out of left field my husband saw him day of simcha and finds out simcha that evening.
Also, if you really needed count for caterer wouldn’t you call up guests if they did not reply?


Frustrating, but I can see myself being that person who kept forgetting to send the invite, or whatever. Some people are very scatterbrained, and it's NOT personal:)

I didn't even call people who didn't respond for my WEDDING. I just made a rough guesstimate. A TON of people never responded, and I was too busy to track them all down. It sounds like you are a very organized type, B"H. But you should know that the world is full of people who fly by the seat of their pants, so to speak:)
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DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Oct 29 2019, 10:30 am
I think you are being petty.

There are so many reasons why you may not have gotten the invitation.

If you are able to go, why not just go and enjoy the simcha?
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