Letting them go to bed hungry

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 9:53 pm

for the longest time this was the routine in my house. I'd give out supper, call everyone to the table, some kids ate, some didn't. whoever didn't like the food was allowed to eat something else like a sandwich. However, often by the time they went to bed they would complain they're hungry and want to come out and eat supper again. after I cleaned up and put everything away. this is usually about 2 hours after supper. in the past I actually went down and served round 2 of supper. and then bedtime would happen a good hour later. and the next morning no one would wake up on time for the school bus. and we'd have miserable mornings.

so I started getting stricter. at bedtime when they were hungry, I let them take a fruit. but I wouldn't go downstairs and sit with them while they ate. I said you can go yourself and quickly take a fruit, eat and come up to bed. I waited in their room to tuck them in again. 1 ds was crying that he didn't want to go down himself, so dd went with him, don't know if he ate or not. other ds refused to go to the kitchen without me, opted not to eat anything (he had a full supper, a piece of chicken cutlet, a bowl of pasta, and a serving of broccoli. plus noodle soup.) ds who was crying about being hungry didn't like supper so he ate a challah roll instead, at supper time
.
I feel bad that they went to bed feeling hungry. but if I cave in to give supper for round 2 then everything gets chaotic. whats the right thing to do here?

Optione

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:05 pm

Can you offer vegetables or something simple about 30 min before going up to bedtime? Remind them that that's the last time they're eating that night.

baltomom

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:08 pm

I think you're doing the right thing (no 2nd supper, just a fruit before bedtime). Going to bed hungry (or claiming to be hungry) for a few nights will not harm them in the long run. If you consistently enforce that there is no supper after supper is over, the kids will learn to eat at suppertime.

Good luck!

amother

Magenta

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don’t agree with how you’ve been handling it. I think you have to try harder to find substantial dinner ideas that they will all eat at the same time.

dankbar

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:11 pm

You can announce half a hour before bedtime that whoever is still hungry should make sure to eat something now because once they are in bed there's is no coming down anymore for food/drink. All needs have to be taken care of before bedtime, eating/ drinking/toilets/toothbrushing/ homework signatures etc.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:11 pm

They have the option to eat dinner when mommy serves.
If they refuse or are hungry later- they can have a fruit, water or a protein shake.
The only thing I'd do for them is a shake. Otherwise, they make themselves a peanut butter sandwich.
They wont die from hunger.

Talking from experience. Two of my kids refuse to eat meat, chicken, dairy or parve!!!
One would eat Pizza, French fries, yogart, tuna sandwich (once in a while), instant soup, and basically that's all. Otherwise he starves.
The other one eats: sushi (I barely ever buy it), peanut butter bread, yogart.
He is on a starvation diet. He skips breakfast, lunch and dinner. (He's on zoloft, it decreases the appetite)
I used to eat myself about it and beg them to eat. It didn't help and it just made me feel like a incapable horrible mother.
I'm passed that now.

I offer food.
You refuse, you stay hungry.
They won't die from starvation. They'll eat Eventually.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Oct 29 2019, 12:10 am; edited 1 time in total

dankbar

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:15 pm

What time is their supper & what time is bedtime?

amother

Puce

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:20 pm

Is dinner too early? Or are they not eating enough? This is a strange dynamic. My kid knows there’s one dinner and she can take it or leave it but breakfast is 12 hours later. Consistency is key and we’ve always done it this way.

She has never gone to bed hungry

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:20 pm

My child consistently "remembers" that she's staaarving when she's already in bed. I used to take her out, feed her supper... every night. Until I realized that she basically only ate supper later. Now, the only options are pretzels or crackers, once in bed. If she's hungry enough that will have to do.
But I like the idea of reminding her right before bed that she can eat more supper now, and then not allowing anything once she's in bed.

MiracleMama

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think what you did is ok except for with the challah roll for dinner child. How can that be a meal to hold until breakfast. Should have been given something more at dinner. Sorry. But I feel bad for him. Crying

Of course, on the other hand, now if they know you mean business, hopefully they will all eat well at dinner time tomorrow.

amother

Apricot

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 11:50 pm

I serve supper close to 5-5:30 and they go to bed 7-8. I let them have rice cakes or crackers once in pajamas and ready for bed with a drink of water.

amother

Tue, Oct 29 2019, 12:07 am

Op here

I give supper 5:30. We start baths at 6:30-7ish and by 7:30 I’m tucking them in. So bedtime is not so much later tHan supper

Kid who took a challah roll also had noodle soup. Then afterwards he just took a roll from the bread bag right before bath time on his own.

thanks

Tue, Oct 29 2019, 2:10 am

If my kids were hungry after bedtime, I told they can have a big breakfast in the morning.
They probably aren't realy hungry, even if they ate little for di ner. Just looking for an excuse to get out of bed.

watergirl

Tue, Oct 29 2019, 2:45 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

One of my kids also does the “I’m huuuuuuungry!” after being tucked in every night. He is on an adhd medication and I know he is very likey hungry so we allow him to eat something small like fruit, apple/pb, string cheese, etc.

Having said that, 5:30 is very early for dinner. Can you do dinner at a later time like 6:30 and offer them a healthy snack when they get home from school? Either way they will be eating the snack, you would just be changing the time, eliminating the power struggle and changing the dynamic. Also, no need for everyone to bathe nightly, this is adding more to your night time routine. People on imamother do dinner so early! I’ve never met anyone irl who does early dinner and nightly baths.

nchr

Tue, Oct 29 2019, 7:19 am

1. Kids should not be eating during bedtime. You need to establish a bedtime and stick to it, regardless of hunger, etc.

2. There is nothing wrong with going to bed hungry. You're kids will fall asleep, they will sleep and they will wake up and eat a normal breakfast or not, but they will eventually eat.

3. You need to make appealing dinners with a variety of choices, but also create a dinner routine. Your kids need to be at the table, there should be a consequence for not being at the table. Generally, if they are there, with a variety of foods, they are going to eat. You can usually coax smaller children into 3 bites etc. But not as a fight.

mommy15

Tue, Oct 29 2019, 7:21 am

I try to keep deli and string cheese in the house I have supper ready at 5 the little ones usually eat then then I try to keep supper warm till whenever the big ones decide they are hungry....u are doing a great job if they go to bed hungry theyll learn next time to eat.

Rappel

Tue, Oct 29 2019, 7:29 am

Maybe try this: Everyone must sit at the table when you call supper. when they get up from their seats, they're done supper. They can stay at the table as long as they want, and eat as much as they want. In my house, my kids are still little, so they know that bedtime is right after supper, and they want to stay in their chairs as long as possible. What do your kids do for the 2 hours between supper and bed?

zaq

Tue, Oct 29 2019, 8:03 am

What baltomom said.

OP doesn’t have to stand on her head to cater to her dc whims. She’s not running a restaurant. If the kids are genuinely hungry, they’ll eat what she serves when she serves it. Going to bed hungry for a few nights never hurt anyone and should do the trick.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Oct 29 2019, 8:59 am

How old are the kids that are hungry in those 2 hours between dinner and bed time?

dankbar

Tue, Oct 29 2019, 9:05 am

Irl I know some people who serve supper right when kids come home from school & later a snack & some who first serve a snack & later supper.

Sahm might have supper ready earlier than working moms.
Also depends on the members homecoming schedule & place at the table. Some people with small tables & different schedules serve in shifts & some do family time & serve when everyone is home together.

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