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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
My three year old is a runner
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 11:47 am
Not in the autistic sense. He's fully cognizant of what he's doing -- he just doesn't seem to take what I say seriously.

It's just that he's been running away a lot lately, whenever he thinks he can give me the slip. Doesn't matter how I lay down the rule, he will still test it.

I'm not a bad mum. I'm not a controlling mum. I'm not a free-for-all mum.

So why won't he listen to me when I tell him it's wrong for him to leave without telling me? Crying Crying

Do all 3 year olds do this? If yes -- what am I supposed to do??? If no -- then why is DS constantly pushing the envelope??? Why doesn't he just trust what I say, instead of always having to try it out first??

I'm terrified for him.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 11:51 am
Dh, who has ADD, was a runner to such an extent that his parents had to get one of those kiddie leashes for him whenever they went out. I will say that while not all three year olds do this, it is not an abnormal behavior for them. In DH's case it was poor impulse control - he sees it, he's there in a flash. With other kids, it might be simply boundary testing.

With poor impulse control there's not much you can do unfortunately. DH's parents had his babysitter take him to an enclosed playground where he was safe to run his energy out. But the leash was kind of their only options. With boundary testing, you just have to be firm and offer appropriate consequences.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 11:52 am
He's growing, and it's his job to explore and be independent.

It's your job to make sure that he's safe and contained.

Is he getting through the front door, running away from you in crowds, or both?

Put a latch up high on the door, or an alarm system (there are types you can put in without running wires).

When out in public, get him a backpack with a leash. It does not matter what other people think. Let strangers think you are the weirdest mom ever, but at least your kid will be alive at the end of the day, and that is all that matters.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 11:52 am
WHERe does he leave? Leave the house? Leave your side at the supermarket? Leave the playground?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 11:54 am
BTW, do you yell and chase after him? That sounds exciting and fun! He just discovered a great game that gets all of your attention.

When walking with DD, if she started to run ahead, I'd give her a warning, and then I'd turn around and walk back the other way. Resist the urge to look over your shoulder at all costs. I promise you, your child will come running when he realizes you're actually leaving without him, and not playing his game.
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grace413




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 12:10 pm
Because he's 3 and because that's his personality. You aren't doing anything wrong but his desire to explore is stronger than his desire to listen. Both my kids were like this. You must be vigilant. I didn't use a leash with mine but it's not a bad idea to keep him safe.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 12:12 pm
Please don't blame yourself! He's a healthy active three year old. Love what FF wrote in her first post, if you need a leash, use it, ignore what others think.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 12:38 pm
Dd did this. It is scary, but she outgrew it. He will too. In meantime, as FF said, you need to not engage him. If I was somewheresomewhere big where I couldn't hold her hand, I sometimes took a stroller. If he doesn't like it you explain that you will stop using it when he is big enough to not run away.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:17 pm
Get a lock high up on the door
Also for any rooms you don’t want him to go to
When you are outdoors-
I don’t like the leashes, but for some kids there’s no other solutions.
I’m still in favor of warning and time-out.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:19 pm
I'm strongly considering a leash.

We've had a few incidents where he's run off to find Abba (the security booth is a 2 minute walk away, and DS doesn't need to cross any streets if he runs through the olives, so in his mind it was "okay" to take off, because he thought he was being safe and capable, and I couldn't physically stop him in those moments from rocketing off.)

Today, he wanted to give stickers to our next
-door neighbor who isn't feeling well. I gave him permission to give them to her and then come back (our rentals are on a walking path, no street until the other end of the path), and when he didn't return in 5 minutes, I went to look for him. He never made it to the neighbor. I see his bicycle abandoned where he would run off to abba, but he didn't go to Abba. He's not with our other neighbor. I see another imma walking the path, and she mentioned that a bunch of neighborhood kids just came by and reported that there was going to be tehillim and candy at MY house very soon. I run into the kids, and find out that DS had been handing out stickers to everyone, and had invited them all to our house for tehillim and then (nonexistent) candy. But where was DS? "He went up." They pointed to the path which leads to the road. "He was going to the library to look for Tsofiya (another neighbor)." I went up, heart in my mouth that he may have crossed the two streets to the library, when I find him at the side of the road with two slightly older kids. DS explained that he wanted to give a sticker and invitation to Tsofiya because otherwise she would miss out, but that he couldn't cross the road because there were too many cars passing...I told him how frightened I'd been, and that he must never go off again without asking me first... And then on our walk home along the path, he runs away to go visit our neighbour who had been sick from the first. :headbang

As you can see, the initial situation of running off to Abba when he's upset was bad. Today was an escalation from that. And I seriously don't know what he's going to cook up next, or how to direct him so he will actually listen when I tell him what to do.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:20 pm
My three year old too. And she thrives on testing every boundary and limit I set. It takes a tremendous amount of consistent energy and dedication to train her.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:20 pm
amother [ Yellow ] wrote:
Get a lock high up on the door
Also for any rooms you don’t want him to go to
When you are outdoors-
I don’t like the leashes, but for some kids there’s no other solutions.
I’m still in favor of warning and time-out.


We have a high lock, BH. He's a bit of a monkey, but I'll usually hear him struggling to get to the lock before he actually opens it.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:20 pm
behappy2 wrote:
My three year old too. And she thrives on testing every boundary and limit I set. It takes a tremendous amount of consistent energy and dedication to train her.


Teach me your ways! What do you do??
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amother
Black


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:23 pm
My 3-year old is a little like that too.

I told her she must NEVER go out alone. So she followed her two older siblings who went to take a walk, unbeknownst to those siblings or to anyone else.

(A police officer was at my door 10 minutes later...)

Now I made it very clear that she is ONLY allowed to go if she is HOLDING someone's hand.

That didn't stop her from running after the car when she wanted to go along with Tatty, though.

At this point, I go with "do my best to keep her safe and she will either outgrow this or develop enough maturity and know-how that it is no longer a concern."
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amother
Denim


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:32 pm
I had one of those Houdinis. He would slip out of Chuck e Cheese with another family. When I warned the front door of his tendency to do this, he slipped out through the kitchen. He would lock the nanny out of the house, when she got the mail at the end of the driveway. He locked everyone out on a second story deck. He would slip into carnivals and be on rides while we were on line to purchase tickets. This happened several times.

The good news is he has above average intelligence. He's great figuring out tough problems now.

I could never put him on a leash. I held his hand whenever we went out. His other hand was held by another one of by DC.

I think you can't let your little guy outside by himself.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 1:54 pm
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
.

I think you can't let your little guy outside by himself.


It sounds like it. It also sounds like locking all our "Houdinis" in a room together would be extremely entertaining. I'm sure they could come up with some truly creative ideas together.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 2:05 pm
Rappel wrote:
It sounds like it. It also sounds like locking all our "Houdinis" in a room together would be extremely entertaining. I'm sure they could come up with some truly creative ideas together.


My Houdini went into the garage and started the car when he was 2. The garage door was closed and the keys to the car were hanging on the wall. BH DH and I heard the car start.

Another time he was making eggs at age 2 for his younger sister with a gas flame.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 2:18 pm
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
My Houdini went into the garage and started the car when he was 2. The garage door was closed and the keys to the car were hanging on the wall. BH DH and I heard the car start.

Another time he was making eggs at age 2 for his younger sister with a gas flame.


On Thursday, I set my kids up with music, and went to bathroom. When I came out, I found them both covered in liquid shoe polish, which had been stored on a shelf taller than me. I still don't know how they got up there.

I've given up on barring the kitchen. DS helps me cook, bake, chop salad, use the mixer... And to keep my kitchen kosher, it's now only dairy/parve. He is very curious, and he will happily concoct anything of his own design if I'm not standing right over him. He made our urn dairy on Friday, by plugging it in and shredding a package of cheese into it while I was washing dishes.

I taught him to iron, also. Before then, he just kept stealing the iron, in order to plug it in and study it in private.

He broke into the machsan one day and drilled a hole in our living room floor

He's actually fascinated by all kinds of electricity. His saving grace is that he has to take everything apart to see how it works, so he usually breaks a battery-powered circuit before he gets a shock. Wall plugs scare the daylights out of me. I'm amazed that we've made it to the age of 3 without any real electric damage.


Last edited by Rappel on Sun, Nov 03 2019, 2:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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mayim10




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 2:48 pm
Have you thought about taking him outside to play if he likes to run? I don’t support children’s leashes. I think there is value for children to developmentally experience risk. Children at this age are ego centric developmentally. Are there playgroups you can take him to? If he likes to get in the kitchen could you give him manipulativen or even pretend kitchen play
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 2:52 pm
Wow that sounds challenging. I don’t think you should allow him to go out on errands by himself though, IMHO 3 is way too young for that.
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