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My ds cries every morning -he doesn’t want to go to school



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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 4:22 pm
Ds is in first grade.
He started complaining a lot about going to school every morning.
He cries, kicks, gets chutzpahdik...
at first I stay calm and try to help him get ready.. then I offer rewards like a special breakfast if he’s ready in time... and then I start getting really angry and I scream at him and he finally gets himself ready..
I don’t think there is anything going on in school that makes him unhappy. He would simply rather stay home than be bothered with school. He’s a home body and the youngest. He does complain that the day in school is so long.. it is! His Rebbi is nice and I know he likes him. He doesn’t seem to like his English teacher but I don’t think she ever said or did anything to him. I think he doesn’t like English because it’s at the end of the day which is the time he wants to come home.
I can’t have mornings like this anymore. I explained to him that everyone would rather stay home than go to school but we have no choice because all kids go to school...
I don’t think the work is too hard for him. I think he just wants to stay home and play.
Please help my mornings go smoother. Every day is a battle.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 4:39 pm
I'm sorry I can't offer any concrete advice, but I totally commiserate. I was in the exact same position a number of years ago with my own DS who is also the youngest.

Like you, I investigated the matter and was reassured that nothing untoward was going on. He just didn't particularly enjoy school.

He grew older, and it's less of a problem now, but boy can I relate!
It's unfortunate, but not all kids enjoy the structure that school entails.
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small bean




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 8:42 pm
My son is in 1rdt grade, going through the same thing.

My sons rabbi told me first grade is a huge adjustment and a lot of kids really dont like it until chanukah time.

I made a chart for him, and he gets playmobil every week that he goes to school everyday without a fight in the morning. It's working well because he feels in control and he's going to school in a more positive frame of mind.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 11:18 pm
Thank you for responding-
Small bean- are you buying a big play-mobile set each week? That’s very expensive...
I just told ds tonight that we’ll make him a chart and at the end of the week he can get a prize. Let’s see if tomorrow will be easier.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 11:29 pm
Is it a possibility to have him stay home with you for a couple of days and make it super boring? And then when the other kids come home, shower then with praise and hear what they did at school all day. And don't give any attention to him fighting you to stay home. Just say 'sure' and do your own thing during the day. How many days can he last like that before he needs some more social interaction? Obviously this will only work if you don't go out to work during the day.
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small bean




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:31 am
I bought 3 small ones shf one bigger one. I spent about $35 on playmobile.com
Small ones first and then bigger one to keep him going.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:46 am
Have you asked the teachers how things are going socially for him? Often it’s recess and lunch times that cause stress for kids this age. Is he playing with kids? Tending to stick to the sidelines? Starting to make some friends? Etc. I would ask the teachers what they are observing.
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ddmom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:54 am
Same scenario here with my first grade son! Sad
1- give him a nice snack and tell him its only for english/or dismissal time.
2- if you use bussing home, offer to pick him up or drop him off to school if he doesn't kvetch in the morning.
It really makes the day much longer with bussing!
I find that limudei kodesh is a lot of oral learning and repetitive so everyone ends up knowing it even if they don't pay attention for a few minutes. English is only 2 hours so much more intense and lots of written work that they're not used to!
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 9:27 am
Wow.. can’t believe other people are dealing with the same thing
I was sure people were going to tell me that I must be doing something wrong or that something must be happening in school.
Today was day 1 of his chart. BH it worked and he complained minimally (mostly about hating English). I couldn’t think of a toy that he would be excited about so I offered him $5 at the end of the week if he gets a check every day. He was pretty happy and that.
I wish I could do something that would make him really feel happier when in school..
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amother
Mint


 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 9:33 am
Maybe have the prize be something he can bring to school to play with at recess. Ask him what other boys bring along to school and if he wants whatever is “in” now too. First grade, when they start minyan and high school are all huge transitions and lot of adjusting. Good luck
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amother
Oak


 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 9:48 am
My first grader is also having a hard time. And he's been quite clear about exactly why: he says every day "school is not as fun as it used to be! We play less and there's so much work!" Can't the kid is wrong! I mostly empathize, offer little treats/rewards for not fussing in the morning, and honestly, I was told give it time. It was getting better, but then it was YT, so we're kind of back to square one now. Hoping by the end of the month it gets better.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:01 am
The thing is.. my ds was okay in the beginning of the year
He’s only started complaining bitterly the last 2 weeks
Maybe he didn’t realize he would have to do this every single day and now that he realizes he’s very unhappy

Bringing a prize to show everyone in school hasn’t worked well for him in the past. Either it would break and he would come home devastated or he would get overwhelmed that everyone wanted to use his toy (happened once with a ball).
He’s been asking me to buy him a twins from France video for a while. I’ll see if that’s something he would go for.
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baltomom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:15 am
Another prize idea: Buy a package of something that he gets one piece every day until he has earned the whole set. eg. some kind of special magic markers that he gets one each day, or if he's into lego, a big set of lego people that he gets one every day, etc. That way there's immediate gratification but also a long term goal.

Good luck!
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small bean




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:33 am
The only thing I feel we can do is work to change their attitude towards school. Its not fun to have to sit all day and be told what to do.

For me I feel that going happy makes the day easier, because you're not walking in with all that built up anger. I also try to give him the feeling that he's in control of how his day will be. No one likes being told what to do and some kids find it more difficult than others.

Also by supper time, I have each of my kids say something positive about their day. I try to draw out what they did like and it let's my son hear positive perspectives and relate then to his own day.

Lastly make sure to have food ready when he comes home. All kids come home starving and everything always seems worse until they eat. Coming home and not wallowing in negativity helps for the next day.

I totally feel for you, it's so sad to watch your kid like this.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Mon, Nov 04 2019, 11:45 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you for responding-
Small bean- are you buying a big play-mobile set each week? That’s very expensive...
I just told ds tonight that we’ll make him a chart and at the end of the week he can get a prize. Let’s see if tomorrow will be easier.


When I used playmobil as an incentives, I got medium sets and they earned the pieces slowly one at a time. It worked really well for us.
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