Almost 3 years old doesn’t want to cut his hair

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amother

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 5:39 pm

So my son is turning 3 this Sunday He has long curly hair, he is very attached to it .
He doesn’t like people to touch it, even me .
So I’m preparing him for his Upsherin, I’m telling him I gonna make a party ,his friends are gonna come etc ... at some point he accepted that he is cutting it and was excited
Now he is saying he is not cutting and not gonna let anyone cut it.
I don’t know what to do . I don’t wanna force him . My older son also didn’t want but we cut it anyway (it breaks my heart to see the video ,he cried the whole time)I regret it and don’t wanna do the same with him
But what should I do? Tips or advice
Thanks

amother

Pink

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 5:43 pm

Did you tell him how hes going to be just like his father and brother with peyos and a yarmulka and tzitzis? Maybe get him a book to help him understand whats going on

amother

Olive

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 5:52 pm

It's very normal for kids to cry at their upsherin. It's a big change. I wouldn't let a 3 year old dictate me what to do.

amother

Mint

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 6:00 pm

I'm guessing some of this is coming from your feelings. I would ask a rav, if possible with your son. The rav won't be emotionally involved so it'll be a lot easier for the kid to accept his "psak".

momX4

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 6:08 pm

Can you give him a long haircut?

amother

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 7:32 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

It's very normal for kids to cry at their upsherin. It's a big change. I wouldn't let a 3 year old dictate me what to do.

It’s his hair . Of course I can just force him but I dont want to

Tzutzie

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 7:39 pm

Can you ask him why he doesn't want his hair cut?
Some 3 year olds are very articulate and reasonable. So maybe try.

My now 6yo, as a toddler used to give me a very very hard time when I had to cut her nails. I dreaded doing itonce out of exasperation I I asked in a a very frustrated voice, "why don't you want me to cut your nails?!?!?" I was so surprised when she answered. "Becuase it's mine and I love it"
Poor thing felt like I was cutting away at her!!!
Iirc, she wasn't 3 yet!
So I explained to her how nails grow back and we have to trim it. Blablabla.
Then she was horrified when I flushed it down... so we went through the whole thing about how nails grow back.... and now we have no use for it.
Long story short, she happily let me cut her nails from then on.....
My point, talk to your son. Go through the whole process of how it will be. And that it will grow and then he'll get more haircuts and what a big boy he is..... you might be surprised and he'll become excited for his upsheren

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 7:48 pm

My son is almost three as well and we've been having the haircutting conversation for a while already, where we go through the entire upsherin process. In the beginning he used to say that he's gonna cry and run away. But after a while he got used to the idea and is now excited for his haircut.
I once mentioned that I'm gonna cry when he gets his payos, he told me 'no mommy, youre not gonna cry, you're gonna be motional'

amother

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 8:08 pm

momX4 wrote:

Can you give him a long haircut?

good idea

nchr

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 8:16 pm

I'd really ask a professional for his/her opinion in this regard. I'm the last person to "give in" to a child. I rarely have to ask twice because my children learn very early on that they need to listen right away and who is in charge; however, I don't know what I'd do about this. I'd really want to approach it appropriately.

trixx

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 8:20 pm

Perhaps just validating his feelings will be enough. Every time he says that just agree, "it sounds like you don't want your hair cut. You love your long hair so much. You've never had short hair. That will be a big change for you. I can see why that might feel new and scary."
Eventually he will agree with you like yeah, I do love my hair. Or he might disagree and say, no it's not scary it's sad. He will even parrot it back to you. Help him process these big emotions before the event.