Yeshiva Week - HELP!

watergirl

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 2:00 pm

loveit wrote:

Everything you write is so valid, I know I’m fortunate to be in a position with a flexible job. However, if the question is why Yeshiva break in general then I understand your frustration. But the OP was about why we can’t have to same Xmas/NY break the public schools have. I still stand behind the yeshiva break being more desirable for the reasons I mentioned above.

What people don’t realize is yeshiva break is much shorter than the Xmas break, my kids are off for a week and half, sometimes 2 weeks not 4-5 days. They don’t give a long weekend for Chanukah because of the extended Xmas break.

If the school is having a break whether it’s an Xmas/ny or the standard yeshiva break, I still hold that yeshiva break is preferable. Most working parents still have to work at the end of December. Either way you’re going to have to pay for some sort of childcare, better to have it over a shorter time.

I also hope that we will use these experiences to better prepare our children for their futures. To teach them the importance of doing their hishtadlus to create a situation in which one parent has a flexibility , because yes things will always come up, sick days, special events etc. happens to be that our school recently switched to holding all parent special events on Sundays to better help working parents.

Thanks for your post. But I would like to clarify - the bolded - are you saying to raise our kids to marry only those who will become wealthy enough to support them fully or in a way that they only have to work for a part time salary? That's hishtadlus? HKBH has a say in this world as well and someone who has done hishtadlus until she is blue in the face still has her parnassa allotted to her and her husband on Rosh Hashanah, and Hashem sometimes says, "yes, I understand you thought you would have X income, but you will only have Y income, this is for your best".

keym

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 2:04 pm

In Lakewood we don't have Yeshiva Week.
But elementary girls and preschools have a long weekend (Fri-Tues). Boys elementary mostly have off Fri-Sun. Girls highschool have a different weekend (different for each school) and boys mesivtas are sometimes, not often off a little bit.
My daughter is still expected to write her "fun diary" and compositions, etc.
I'm not doing big things without my boys it's not fair to them. I can take off one day- so I take off Friday but we are not doing something big.
Maybe families with lots of girls do fun stuff.
But I work from home, buy crafts stuff, and let my daughter meet up with friends.
Yeah. She's mad at me. "Everyone else" goes to Florida, or something.
Whatever. I pay tuition.

jkl

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 2:04 pm

loveit wrote:

To better prepare our children for their future, the first place that needs to be revamped is our schooling. We teach our kids that men should remain in learning for a significant time, and the women should carry the financial burden plus the household during this period.

So the first couple of years the wife is carrying most of the burdens. Then when the man does join the work force he is at a great disadvantage with no experience and limited education, so his starting salary is low. That leaves the woman to remain working until her husband works his way up, and that goal is usually reached past the early years with the babies and younger kids. So where is there room for this flexibility you mention during this stage of life?

If this is what our schools teach and expect of our kids, then I find it really obnoxious when the schools turn a blind eye to the results of it. Scheduling vacations left and right without consideration for the parents, and even more so, demanding high tuition when they themselves crippled the children's opportunities.

And please spare me the anecdotes of how it worked out differently for you personally. You got lucky, and you should thank Hashem every day for it. But these are the circumstances we set up for the average person.

Right now our system encourages one path for our kids, but simply refuses to acknowledge the accommodations necessitated to navigate it smoothly. They are there for them until they get stuck in the path, and then abandon them and leave them to their own devices to deal with the consequences of it.

And we call this yiddishkeit.

loveit

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 2:13 pm

watergirl wrote:

Nope, while that would be nice it’s not my ultimate goal. I meant it in a “move out of town, try to pick a flexible career” etc, ways to set yourself up for success. Obviously ultimately only Hashem decides that but if you flat out can’t make it living in town or somewhere else for whatever reason then try to change it. We lived in town, moved very OOT, away from all our family. We are not rich or even comfortable but we would have been worse off had we stayed elsewhere. That’s all.

I just feel like days off are an issue no matter what, parents jobs don’t stop unless they are in chinuch (and even then then often have more days for PD) so whether it’s yeshiva break, erev yt, kids being sick, PTA etc, it’s an ongoing issue and the reality of having kids in school. The public schools are just as bad.

For you yeshiva break is a burden, for me the legal holidays are a burden. You say you get Xmas and NY off to enjoy with your kids well my husband like many other frum Jews works on those days so he can take off more easily for YT

In our OOT community, usually the middle school and high school girls make backyard camps, I would assume it’s by you as well? Even if it’s not 8-5 even 3/4 of the day is helpful. Reality is, most families have 2 working parents, in town both are working full time so it can’t be a unique situation.

watergirl

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 2:19 pm

loveit wrote:

I live "OOT". Not in NY/NJ. No where near parents or family. And no, I dont have December 25 or Jan 1 with my kids, they are in school on that day. I never said I did. I have those days off, they do not. And they are old enough now that missing those days is not an option. None of us get MLK off. This is not a competition, by the way. Its a request for some empathy and not a "school is not a babysitter". Also, like I said, not everyone can pick a flexible career. Some of us HAVE to work the full time hours. You cant always pick these things.

imorethanamother

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 2:34 pm

watergirl wrote:

I also can't stand the smugness of people that talk about how everyone should just go find jobs that are flexible. It's completely opposite to the reality that most of us face. Our jobs are called work for a reason. And they're not interested in accommodating everyone's holidays PLUS additional school times off. And even with working full time, I certainly don't have the kind of disposable income some people have here to just jet off to Florida with the whole family.

With regard to "parnassah and Rosh Hashana", ugh. So now you're trying to say that Hashem has written down in the Torah that THOU MUST HAVE YESHIVA WEEK. And then talmud has an argument where the boys must have a different yeshiva week to prevent pritzus, and then tosfos discusses that we should also separate elementary school yeshiva week times from high school times.

What happens is that I take off one day of work, my husband takes off one day, and the rest of the days my kids sit and watch a screen. Which is against school policy, by the way, but many of their friends are off doing fun adventurous things, and this is the only way I could stop them from feeling bad about their life circumstances.

watergirl

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 2:37 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

Did you mean to pull my post? We are saying the same thing. I dont understand your issue with my Rosh Hashana parnassa comment. I’m not at all trying to say that Hashem said we must have yeshiva week. I’m so confused.