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DH insists on using grandfather's name Hebrew and English
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 3:38 pm
I know questions like this come up all the time, but I'll add my situation. My husband's beloved grandfather passed away last year. I'm due with our 4th child IYH just a month after his grandfather's 1st yartzeit, and this will be the first baby born since he died (and none of my husband's siblings are married yet so there won't be another baby for awhile, most likely).

My husband's family is traditional but not really frum, but they do have a strong tradition of naming for deceased relatives. It's very important to them, and it's also important to my husband and me. I don't disagree with the tradition at all--I find a lot of meaning in it. Our first three kids all have family names.

My husband's grandfather was a wonderful person and my husband was exceptionally close to him. So it's pretty understood that if this baby is a boy, he would have his grandfather's name. I don't mind his grandfather's Hebrew name (Aharon). It's not a name I would have gravitated toward on my own, but I'm OK with it, I think.

But my husband also thinks it's important to use his grandfather's English name (Alan), because that's the name he actually went by in life. Alan isn't a terrible name by any means, but it's just not a name that speaks to me. It doesn't feel right. I also think it will be weird to have a child with the Hebrew name Aharon and not use the obvious translation "Aaron" as the English name, but instead a similar sounding but not exact match.

The obvious compromise is that we use Aharon for Hebrew, but Aaron for English. But my husband strongly feels that this would dilute the connection to his grandfather. To him, his Grandfather wasn't named Aaron, so this name has no connection to him.

I know he wouldn't insist on it if I truly object, but I also know he feels strongly about this. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I'm not deeply love with *any* of the names, but Aaron/Aharon feels better to me overall than Alan/Aharon. The rest of his family has been more creative about naming for relatives--they will use the Hebrew name, but a different English name. I feel like he's holding us to a higher standard. But it also ended up happening that for my 3 kids, we loved both the Hebrew and secular names of the relatives they were named for, and they all got exact matches.

I think I'm struggling with this too because I really objectively love my 3 kids' names, and was so excited to use them...and I feel very stam about this (not about the connection--I loved my husband's grandfather--but about the names themselves). And this will likely be our last baby, and I'm feeling sad about the names I really love but won't ever get to use. But it would just be insulting and not right if I said we're going to name our child a completely unrelated name, just because I like it better.

We actually don't even know if we're having a boy, and don't find out the gender before birth. But I have a strong intuition it will be a boy. And fortunately/unfortunately, I love the girls name we have lined up (also for a relative, but more distant.)

Help me find a solution...or come to peace with this?
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amother




Denim


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 3:55 pm
Even if the baby's English name is Alan, you can still call him Aharon. My children's English names are pretty much just doctor and standardized test names. Your husband's grandfather was beloved and just passed. I wouldn't think twice about it.

My beloved grandmother passed not long after my last child was born. It saddens me terribly that I didn't name for her (obviously I couldn't, but I feel like it was a gag played on me). Her name was Yiddish and I am MO but I would have loved to name for her.

May you be zoche to have a healthy baby and an easy pregnancy.
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amother




Amethyst


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 4:13 pm
I think a solution may be to pick a 2nd Hebrew and/or 2nd English name you like. Kids can have 2 or even 3 names. My son is Aaron Moshe. Moshe is named after my husband’s grandfather. But when my son was born the name Moshe didn’t “speak to us”. My husband and I fell in love with the name Aaron. So my kid is Aaron Moshe. First name is one I love & 2nd after our family member.

My husband & I did the same for our daughter. Her first name is just a name my husband and I liked. Her 2nd name is after 2 of her great grandmothers.
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 4:16 pm
I hear you.
I hope you can reach DH.
You sound happy to name for his beloved grandfather A"H even if the name itself is workable but would not have been your first choice otherwise. And I assume he appreciates that.
Our essence is in our Hebrew names.
I hope that DH can compromise with you regarding the English name.
Or would he agree to name in english "Aaron Alan" using that as middle name.
Still you want to call him Aaron and I would hope he can hear you as you are hearing him.
And you can continue to do many things in his grandfather's memory may it be for a blessing.
Bshaah Tovah!
hugs and hatzlocha
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JoyInTheMorning




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 4:16 pm
Name him Aaron Alan. If you name him Alan, that’s what will be in his medical records, school records, etc. It will stick for life.

Convince your DH by pointing out that Alan is kind of an old fashioned name. Cool kids are named Aaron, not Alan.
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imasinger




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 4:25 pm
If you call him Aharon in both languages, nobody can say you're not using grandfather's name.

And it's not so hard to pronounce in English. Certainly no more than many other names I see in secular society.
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amother




Seashell


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 4:55 pm
JoyInTheMorning wrote:
Name him Aaron Alan. If you name him Alan, that’s what will be in his medical records, school records, etc. It will stick for life.

Convince your DH by pointing out that Alan is kind of an old fashioned name. Cool kids are named Aaron, not Alan.

I agree Alan is the name of my old uncle
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Fave




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 4:58 pm
Call me boring, but I would just go ahead and find out the s-x of the baby. There’s a 50% chance that this issue is moot.
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 5:59 pm
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
I agree Alan is the name of my old uncle


OP here. I do agree. It's not as old fashioned as, say, Irving (ironically my husband is named for an Irving, but his parents only used the Hebrew name and gave him a different English name! I'm trying to argue we should do the same...) But yes, it feels kind of dated to me. My other kids definitely don't have modern names, but they are more of the classic variety. At the same time, I know the name is so meaningful for my husband...and I loved his grandfather too. I like the idea of having it as a middle name... I hadn't actually thought of that. I will just have to think on this. Thank you for everything's ideas and thoughts.

I am tempted to just find out the gender. I never wanted to know with my first 3 and loved the surprise... we'll see!
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amother




Blonde


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 7:59 pm
Wow. Never heard of someone else having this issue. My husbands grandfather's name was Fred and he'd really like to give that English name iyh when we have a son one day. I don't particularly like it at all, but I think I'd do it as it means so much to him and the grandfather sounds like a great guy even if I didnt know him.
Iyh when we have a girl I'd like to give the name Rivka, after a grandmother I loved but I'm thinking to do the legal name as Rebecca. Unsure about it tho, but no need to stress before getting pregnant 🤷‍♀️
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amother




Beige


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 8:19 pm
If you will not be comfortable (or you think the child)with the name being all over school lists, report cards and such, dr office, license iyh then DO NOT do it.
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amother




Seashell


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 8:21 pm
Years ago when I signed the birth certificates of my children only the mother was present . Rolling Laughter
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amother




Seashell


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 8:25 pm
I named my daughter a English name after my grandmother thirty years later
I am not crazy about the name
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amother




Wheat


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 8:26 pm
It makes life so much simpler for you future to have the exact match name.

Plus Alan is so old fashioned, not of this generation, think teasing, So random ideas, Could you switch it to the French version of alan or some other language that still sounds current, AJ ( initials only, for Alan junior)?
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ROFL




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 10:17 pm
A totally different idea. What do you think of the Hebrews name Alon? Would your DH go for aahron Alon?
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camp123




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 07 2019, 11:49 pm
Are you planning to use the English name or the Hebrew one. If it's just an English name that's not really used then why does it matter what it is?
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nchr




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 12:13 am
I'd say use the name Alan. If his grandfather was called by his English name, its obvious why your husband would want to use it for legal purposes, even if you'll call your son Aharon. Alan makes a good middle name though because if your kid ever did not want to use his last name, he could use a middle name like Alan instead
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amother




Seashell


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 12:23 am
Aj sounds nice /cute
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 5:37 am
I would insist on not the english as it's not the "kodesh" name.
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amother




Jade


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 6:34 am
I know many chasidish people that use engish names as the legal name so the 6 yoily's sitting in the classroom all become Joel at the dr office and the yakov and yankys become Jacob's !
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