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[Lakewood] Is this a reasonable curfew for a 14 year old??
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LovesHashem




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 5:42 am
groisamomma wrote:
The neighborhood is safe, but even so she's usually just out on the porch, and not going anywhere. FF, that's what I mean by outside. She doesn't go to shopping malls or places like that by herself or with friends yet, especially at night! She'd rather have her friends over here.

The real issue is what time her friends have to leave and she needs to be inside the house. Not so much the bedtime, because once they leave she winds down and goes to bed. She asks for extra time for them to be here, not to stay up late. Personally, I want the house to myself at that hour! I don't want to see her friends coming out of her room to leave the house when I'm already in pajamas. Does no one else mind friends underfoot so late at night??


When you decided to get married and have kids you gave up full rights on your house.
I'm not saying ALL the rights. Of course you can set ground rules; but other people live here and it's normal for teens to have late night guests. Where do you think we studied at 1am? In a park? No; in someone's house.

It's annoying and frustrating when you are used to not having people around; but it's time to get used to it. Welcome to teenagehood for your child!

I could understand boys much more; as I would feel uncomfortable being not fully dressed in front of a bunch of male teens. But I couldn't care less about girls.

It's super normal to have friends over late. Shabbos nights as a teen I was by my best friends houses till 3 or 4am. Just chatting, snacking, and having fun.
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amother




Babypink


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 7:18 am
I have a daughter that age. (Not my first). She can talk on the phone until 10:30-10:45. On these dark, cold nights she's inside early. She goes to bed about 11:30-12. At times I go to bed before her. As much as teens resent being told what to do, deep down they really want to be disciplined and have some reasonable house rules.
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amother




Azure


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 8:10 am
I was that age around 15 years ago.
I didn't live near friends, so was never out at night. But even my friend that all lived in the same neighborhoods weren't out at night either. I don't think out was safe. (LA)
BUT I snoozed asst all hours on the phone Smile

I think you can not have friends over past 9 or10::: pm. Let them use the phone after that time.

Find out social norms in your area from your dds friends' parents.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 8:24 am
Yikes, my son is almost 14. Is that the norm? I have him shower around ten.
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amother




Beige


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 8:36 am
Regarding time being in and friends going home very reasonable and regarding phone time. I have two teenagers and I realized one thing I go to bed and then they do to.

I think you should try allowing her to get to bed when she gets to bed once there is no time she will be getting into bed earlier. My teens sometimes it’s 12 sometimes it’s 10:30 but they are not allowed on the phone or be out till they want.
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groisamomma




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Nov 08 2019, 9:06 am
I edited the title of the OP to see what other people in my area do. Her friends that are here most frequently are the oldest girls in their families and I don't see their mothers calling them inside, ever, so that's not much help.
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Ima2




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 6:18 am
I also have a 14 year old and she likes to go on walks for hours with her friends at night. We live in Israel and our area is safe as well, but I really don't know what goes on on the streets. I don't like that she goes on walks for 2 hours plus nearly every night, I would rather her go for a walk for an hr and then sit outside for the rest of the time. If your daughter is sitting outside on your porch until 10:30 or even 11pm, I think that that's just fine...but how are the friends getting home? walking alone at 11pm?! I would be concerned as the mother of your daughter's friends, or if your dd was at the friends house until that hr, but having friends over in the porch until that time is totally fine IMO. if she can get her school work done and any other responsibilities she has at home done, why can't she enjoy herself with friends?
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notshanarishona




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 8:26 am
A 14 year old is a very young teen . I think 10 is plenty late . A 16/17 year old I think 11 is fine and 18 I think should be able to use their own judgement.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 9:13 am
I’m a Lakewood mom to a 16 year old girl (and older boy). She doesn’t have a curfew. She is studying constantly and isn’t the type that’s just hanging out - she’s more the homebody type. Once they go to high school I don’t enforce a curfew, I go to bed and she goes when she wants. She can study until 11:00 some nights.
She’s responsible and always makes the bus. With play practice she won’t be home until 7ish and than there is supper, studying, shower etc and she needs time to decompress a bit.
None of her friends have a curfew as far as I know.
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