Who brings the gift

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Who brings the gift
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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

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amother

Sat, Nov 09 2019, 10:12 pm

Have some simchas coming up where we will be placed for shabbos.

Do we supply the hostess gift? Or is it redundant, assuming the baal simcha gives something to the hosts?

Cheiny

Sat, Nov 09 2019, 10:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Have some simchas coming up where we will be placed for shabbos.

Do we supply the hostess gift? Or is it redundant, assuming the baal simcha gives something to the hosts?

Don’t assume the baal simcha gives gifts to all the people who agree to put up guests. It is your responsibility to give the gift.

amother

Blue

Sat, Nov 09 2019, 10:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Have some simchas coming up where we will be placed for shabbos.

Do we supply the hostess gift? Or is it redundant, assuming the baal simcha gives something to the hosts?

Not redundant.

thanks

Sat, Nov 09 2019, 10:18 pm

I've hosted, and don't expect a gift from anyone when they're coming just to sleep.

However, I usually do get a gift from the baali Simcha, and sometimes from the guest.

groisamomma

Sat, Nov 09 2019, 10:24 pm

I bring something, like a chocolate or nut platter. Knock on their door erev Shabbos (assuming you have a separate entrance) and say thank you.

chocolatecake

Sat, Nov 09 2019, 10:43 pm

I would bring the gift as the guest.

amother

Firebrick

Sat, Nov 09 2019, 11:26 pm

I usually don't bring, but I think many people do. My mother in law has an offical hachnasis orchim room, she usually just gets thanked/ chocolate/flowers by the baal simcha. I do think gifts by guests are really nice and thoughtful, I just usually dont it because it's the one love language that I'm 0% with.

amother

Mauve

Sat, Nov 09 2019, 11:29 pm

I would bring. I keep wines in my house for that reason just in case I don't have time to get anything else (I don't live so close to a store that has a normal gift/platter)

amother

Olive

Sat, Nov 09 2019, 11:48 pm

Lots of times I don’t get gifts from either Bael Simcha or the guest. Personally I always give a gift.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 1:16 am

Side note: When grape juice goes on sale here (around YT time), I stock up on sparkling for last-minute gifts and Purim...

Back to the question at hand:
It also depends what community the hosts live in, and what's accessible to them. For example, when hosted by OOT guests, I like to bring something that they may not be able to easily get OOT. But when I've been hosted in-town, I may just bring/order flowers, etc.

Ruchel

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 5:07 am

I would give to where I'm hosted, not necessarily if someone hosts someone my side

amother

Smokey

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 5:35 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

You should do it anyways

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 8:14 am

If someone is hosting me, I'm grateful and I bring a gift to show my appreciation. What the baal simcha does is irrelevant.

Kiwi13

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 8:15 am

Even if a gift was already given, it’s still a nice gesture to bring one of your own.

amother

Green

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 8:47 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

If you are aware of it, which clearly you are, start bringing something if you can afford. It can be easy, like a bottle of wine which is less than $10 and requires no thought or effort (keep a bunch in the house or recycle one you got) but shows Hakarat hatov, rather than appearing as entitled.

Also, to everyone, please offer to strip the beds. Some people prefer you do, some prefer you don't, but offer.

Ruchel

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 8:54 am

Please do NOT strip the bed. You basically enforce laundry on me (or mess)

amother

Green

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 9:01 am

Ruchel wrote:

Please do NOT strip the bed. You basically enforce laundry on me (or mess)

No, you need to ask.

I have a terrible back. I have 1 set of linen for my guest room, and I have help 1x per week. I wash the sheets and my cleaning lady makes the bed up. If the guest doesn't strip the bed, then I have to before she comes, so that I can wash them, and my back will be in pain for days.

Please always offer and don't assume either way.

amother

Olive

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 9:04 am

For those people that don’t give anything or the Baal Simcha does not give. You should really stop and think. It does cost time and money for somebody to host you. Somebody is changing the linen before you come and after you leave. They have to wash the linen and if there is a private bathroom somebody is cleaning it. There are times my cleaning lady can spend one hour cleaning up after us hosting for a neighbors sincha. Also, people do feed the kids breakfast shabbos morning. Even if you give something for $5.00 is still a token of appreciation.
Also, if you are not using somebody’s guest room last minute please call up and tell the person. I don’t like to find out five minutes before shabbos when nobody shows up. And alot of times by you not canceling I can’t host my own guest since you reserved my room two months in advance.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 9:08 am

if it is challenging for you to bring a gift then ask the baal simcha if they are giving a gift -- if not then you should
if you do not want to ask then its good to bring to be on the safe side

amother

Wine

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 9:32 am

You should always bring a gift. I don't like hosting strangers because of all the problems with guests. I do it because someone is usually desperate. I don't like the work involved nor the loss of privacy.

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