Guests | Imamother

amother

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 6:45 pm

I am asked to host Shabbos guests for neighbors making Simchas quite often since I have a large house, and a designated guest room,and I'm very happy to do it. I keep my house very clean, and never bring food into the bedrooms , to save myself alot of work erev Pesach. I do notice that many people who are sending the guests my way send over packages for their guests which include water and snacks. I don't mind a package of almonds or chocolates, but many times there are small cakes and cookies in the package. Inevitably, these guests will eat this in the bedroom and leave crumbs. I have even found half eaten cakes under the blankets.
Am I wrong to feel that no one should be including cake in a package where they will be spending the night? They will be eating dessert at the Simcha, and I always leave out coffee and pastries in the morning. If they're worried that their guests wont get their fix of cake before davening, they can let them know that there will be coffee and pastries at their house in the morning.

sub

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 6:53 pm

When the בעל שמחה calls you to ask if your guest room is available, tell them that your rooms are clean for pesach year round and that you provide snacks and drinks in the kitchen. You can and should request that they don't send food.

EPL

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 6:54 pm

sub wrote:

Great idea!!

meme6

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 7:04 pm

I had this a few times then I started telling the people reserving the rooms that I don’t allow food upstairs but candy and chocolate is fine. I once found have eaten kugel don’t ask.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 7:09 pm

You can also put a sign in the guest room stating your wishes.
I have seen it before. It was in a pretty frame.

So nice that you host many guests!! I am sure your neighbors and their guests are very grateful!

amother

Lavender

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 7:13 pm

The guests don't listen. They do what they want. I find they take the food back to the bedroom anyway even when you tell them your house rules.

We don't allow any food in the bedrooms. Inevitably it's the the guest room that has chumetz.

sub

Sun, Nov 10 2019, 7:41 pm

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

That is so not mentchlich.

dankbar

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 3:05 am

when the bal simcha sends you these gift packages to put into guest's room can you instead keep it in kitchen & hand it to guests there & tell them you perefer it to be eaten in kitchen as you don't allow food in the bedrooms

amother

Lavender

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 7:20 am

sub wrote:

That is so not mentchlich.

I don't have a solution to this. We have a coffee station and put out fresh baked goods. We also have a snack cabinet. I wish it weren't such a problem.

I had a closed box of good chocolate in my dining room that I was planning to give a neighbor. Someone opened it from the back and ate the chocolate leaving only 2 left. Last Shabbos I was planning to bring it with me to my neighbor. I had told her that I had a surprise for her. I figured it was a certain guest who ate it.

If I sound down on hosting strangers, it is incidents like this that leave me sad.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 7:35 am

I do sympathize with you.
What works for me may not work for you.
But this is to offer a different perspective.....
I was at a London wedding. I get hungry after out of country weddings. The food is different; my body is different than the locals; my time zone is different.

the host did not allow eating in the rooms. I totally respected her, but I decided then and there that in my guest room there will be NO rules.

After guests leave, the shelves, table, chair, floor, walls halfway till the the ceiling, drawers, mattress, bed frames gets washed with a WRUNG OUT wet shmatte (I use a sanitizer called DETTOL)and the room is KOSHER LEPESACH many times a year.

sub

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 8:48 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Perhaps a compromise would be to put nonchametz items. Some fruit and nuts ( ask about allergic reactions).
There are homes where food is not brought into bedrooms.

amother

White

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 9:11 am

I have a relative who lives out of town who has a wing of her house for guests. Its very beautiful and comfortable with a separate entrance. She lends it out all the time. Almost every week in fact .. she can write books of horror stories of how people treat her stuff. Its just sad

amother

Emerald

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 10:11 am

Clearly you are terribly at the mitzvah of hacnasat orchim if you are so restrictive and suffocating of your guests.
It is a mitzva to make them comfortable and if that means eating your Shabbos kugel, made special for your family, in your bed and getting grease stains on your furniture, so be it. Learn to be gracious and your schar will come in Olam Haba.

singleagain

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 10:17 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

There's a difference between being welcoming to guests and being stepped on.

And your line might be different than mine, will be different from OP and PP.

amother

Lavender

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 10:38 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

No body deserves to have their house abused. Entitled pigs like you describe don't deserve to be hosted.

amother

Lavender

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 10:51 am

BetsyTacy wrote:

Wow, I was sure emerald amother was being sarcastic.

And I had a female guest who told me it was ok that their kid jumped on my beige couch with shoes and mixed up all the pieces from my kids games. Her husband was in the other room texting his non- Jewish girlfriend. Emerald may have been sarcastic, but I have met those with that kind of thinking.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 10:56 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Clearly you don’t host often or never host!!! OMG I can’t believe someone even thinks this

groovy1224

Mon, Nov 11 2019, 11:02 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Clearly you are terrible at being a guest if you think it is normal to eat kugel in bed?? In someone else's home??

Is that how people justify disgusting behavior? By saying their hosts are earning olam haba by putting up with them?