Taking too much stress regarding finances

Busy@mom

Tue, Nov 12 2019, 12:14 am

I’ve been taking care of our finances since we got married, about 5 years. I loved doing it cuz I enjoyed seeing how all the bills are paid on time and it was satisfying. Lately it’s been harder for us to pay our monthly bills on time and I took it really bad. I really wanna take that pressure off my head since it’s causing me extreme stress. I tend to take these pressures really hard and I know that the right thing to do is have my husband taking care of all the finances. Problem is that I can’t do that. For a couple of reasons. Firstly; the stress I’ll have for these few weeks while my husbands gets the hang of it will be more stressful then the current stress. Secondly; husband is just not that good with numbers and paying bills in general. He doesn’t know how to pay bills online and that’s the easiest way for us to pay. Thirdly; husband is in general a spender while I’m more stingy. I keep on telling myself that Hashem will send us money and I’m working on my bitachon but I’m not quite there yet. Any advice appreciated.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Nov 12 2019, 1:46 am

Hello self from a few years ago!

Yup, that was me. I did give it over to DH. He ended up wrecking our credit and we got sued by a bunch of credit card companies, almost had a car repossessed, etc. But I really couldn't do it anymore myself, it was just too stressful.

I took over again a few years down the line, but I leave DH in charge of rent. I take care of all other bills, and unless he specifies that certain $$ goes to rent, I use it for whatever bills I think take priority.

It's not easy, what can I say.

grace413

Tue, Nov 12 2019, 1:51 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

Yup, that was me. I did give it over to DH. He ended up wrecking our credit and we got sued by a bunch of credit card companies, almost had a car repossessed, etc. But I really couldn't do it anymore myself, it was just too stressful.

.

You found paying the bills more stressful than having your credit wrecked and being sued? I have a difficult time understanding this.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:06 am

I was in a similar situation not long ago, and I chose to keep the financial responsibilities. DH just doesn't have the head for it. He's responsible and doesn't spend recklessly but he doesn't have the head for budgeting or juggling accounts.

Both options are stressful. You need to decide for yourself what would stress you the least and go with that.

I have taken on a second job. It is super stressful in every way. Perhaps even unhealthy. But for me, this stress allows me to sleep at night whereas not paying my bills will keep me up in a cold sweat. Decide which stress you can live with and which you can't. Everyone is different.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Nov 12 2019, 1:33 pm

grace413 wrote:

You found paying the bills more stressful than having your credit wrecked and being sued? I have a difficult time understanding this.

Trying to pay bills when there was no money was insanely stressful.

Letting DH fumble around and try to take over moved that stress onto HIS head. He messed up a bunch, but I chose to disassociate myself from those problems. (Obviously he got better with time.)

Like I said, I'm happier with the current setup, where DH does rent (which causes me the most stress) and I take care of everything else.