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Anybody familiar with older teens and HFA & other issues

 
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amother




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Post  Wed, Nov 13 2019, 9:01 pm
I have a 17 yr old son who I’m worried about. At first glance, you would never know there are any issues. He’s handsome, athletic, amazing sense of humor (as long as he’s the one making the joke), photographic memory. He knows sports and stats like no other.

He has what I call an invisible disability. As you get to know him, it’s obvious there’s something off but it’s not easy to put a finger on it for those that don’t know. When he was 6 we had him tested for special education services and what I didn’t understand & realize at the time was his iq being in the borderline intelligent range. In 5th grade he was tested again and in 9th grade. Each time the iq score was pretty consistent. He appears intelligent when discussing politics, history and sports. You can have a great conversation with him.

Why am I worried you may ask? It’s the everyday common sense things that have me concerned. He has to be walked through simple tasks and shown how to do it. He is extremely literal just like Amelia Bedelia. I learned that I have to rephrase things for him to get it. I worry about him getting a job and people not treating him like he’s stupid. He just doesn’t get oral instructions if it’s more then 1 step. He is not as mature as his cousins and friends around the same age. Although he’s 17 it’s more like he’s 12 in many ways.

I guess I’m just worried about what happens when he finishes high school. I tried mainstreaming him to a regular very small warm yeshiva after being in public school for the past 6 years. He wants to go to Israel for the year next year with his friends but I can’t even let him dorm by anyone this year because he needs me to make sure he does things... go to bed, get up, shower, change clothes, brush teeth. If I’m not on top of him he doesn’t function. We tried it but it didn’t work. He would yes me about everything but never did anything. Later I would find out that he’s not doing what he’s supposed to do. I don’t want to treat him like a child. His older brothers notice that he has issues and always talk about when they open businesses they will give him a job and a nice salary. in the meantime they’re not in the position to do that and I have to prepare him for life.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to with kids like this? All I want is for him to grow into an independent capable man who is confident and happy.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Wed, Nov 13 2019, 10:21 pm
I think you need to do some research for life skills coaching. If he doesn't go to yeshiva next year, what are the options?
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imasinger




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Nov 13 2019, 10:58 pm
Pm me, I might have some suggestions.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Nov 13 2019, 11:10 pm
Thank you imasinger.
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amother




OP


Post  Wed, Nov 13 2019, 11:26 pm
amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:
I think you need to do some research for life skills coaching. If he doesn't go to yeshiva next year, what are the options?


I was thinking vocational school but it’s hard to know what the right thing to do is. If he’s home and all his friends are away, he’s going to be a hermit, glued to his phone & PlayStation.
Yet if I send him to Israel, I’m not comfortable with that unless hes in a program geared towards kids like him. He doesn’t see himself as having any issues at all except ADHD & anxiety from time to time and won’t want to be in a different yeshiva then his friends. For him going to Israel is about having fun and not as much as the learning.
Also he has no filter, I can see him saying something to an Arab... oy... as I’m writing I just realized again how much he’s like my brother. My parents are in denial about their son and haven’t given him the help and interventions he needed as a child. He’s 47 and is a big kid who never got his life together sadly.
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